16/52 – Inside Our Home

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I’ve been really bad about keeping up with the Project 52 Challenge. This picture was earlier this week. I think it may have been Sunday. Basically, we are an electronic family and we love all things electronic.

Punky and I share the Nook, I actually took this picture from behind my laptop. So, as you can see, we all have something electronic in our possession and that’s just the way we spend family time.

Quiet. Small breeze from the patio door coming in. At the time, it was nice – not rainy in our neck of the woods. It’s since been a little of everything. The joys of living in the Midwest of the US.

One day it’s sunny and 70 and the next day is 30 and storming. Which is why I ended up with no voice and a sore throat for nearly two weeks. I missed upwards to 32 hours on one paycheck, with no pay. Let’s talk about how stressful that is!

Thank goodness, I work in a call center, so they had some overtime available. I have been able to make up all but 17 hours. It’s better than nearly a whole week.

I’m feeling much better, but now we are afraid there may be mold in Punky’s room and we may need to clean it out and get it looked at. I’m not looking forward to going through all her clothes and toys in that room. Not to mention dismantling her bed.

I feel like I haven’t seen Punky in ages, really. I know I have. But, I’ve been working so much this week to make up for the hours I missed while I was sick – and when I’m not out of the house working, I’m on my laptop working in the Etsy shop filling orders.

It’s like lesbian baby making season. Seriously. I’ve done at least 7 baby shower invitations for lesbian couples this month all having baby showers on May 31.

This design is by far the reigning favorite in the shop.

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I almost want to call it the lesbian baby boom and for all you TTC’ing, take it as there’s something in the air. I am crossing my fingers for all of you!

So, while I work overtime and over normal – I posted up a bunch of pictures of Punky around my desk. It makes the time go by a little faster and makes the time I am on this phone, tethered to this desk for several hours a day, a little more bearable.

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It doesn’t hurt that there are several people at work who are constantly asking to see current pictures of Punky. She really became quite a mascot of the team while I was working for a different supervisor. So, the team still comes by my desk periodically or stops me in the hallways and asks for new pictures.

It is super awesome to hear how cute she is and how smart she is and of course, how much she looks like me. It’s not one day that goes by that I don’t get that at least once a day. I’m ok with it.

So, our last two weeks have been full of sickness and working. Not much family time to be had, since Easter when my mom came to visit. I’m hoping tomorrow can be a nice day and maybe I can take Punky outside, perhaps to the park if I’m feeling adventurous and not lazy.

Otherwise, we can kick the ball around outside in the apartment complex, before she has another week at school. I freaking love this cute little picture of her leaving school with her nap mat and headed home with me.

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For Mother’s Day a local photographer is offering mini Mommy and Me sessions and I thought maybe I would take them up on it. We don’t have any ‘professional’ pictures because I generally take them myself and I think they are pretty ok, for an amateur, so I can’t really justify spending money on it.

But we don’t have a family picture since last Easter and I think I would like to have one. So, I may look into doing this, depending on our money situation in the next week or so.

So, maybe we will have professional pictures to post soon!

Cross your fingers for me to have a relaxing, none crazy Sunday tomorrow so I can de-stress and spend some quality time with my girls.

Coming Out The Other Side

The week I learned I didn’t move on to get the supervisor position was more devastating to my psyche than I actually anticipated. I said some things, I did some things, I thought some things that I’m not proud of. I was shocked and I was overwhelmed and in the end, that whole week, I’m not sure what people thought of the hurricane that was me walking in shell of a person I had become.

I was angry, I was despondent, I was depressed and most of all I was confused. I am fairly certain that last week was one of the hardest weeks I have had to deal with and I am fairly certain it’s mostly because it wasn’t expected, I didn’t expect myself to react the way that I did. Without going into details, while initially my heart and spirit had a good outlook, in the end in, my emotions overtook and I unraveled.

By the end of the week, I’m not sure if people thought I was suicidal or homicidal. Neither of which were the case. Though, I do think that K may have thought about killing me periodically for all the shit I put her through that week.

I have come to really think about my situation and while I handled this poorly, I am going to rise above it. I am in a place in my job, frankly, I never ever wanted to be. I never saw myself there. And, when I said that to some people, they felt as though I was expressing my dislike for the people in that department or perhaps expressing that I felt I was too good for the job.

I would never, ever, want to make someone feel that way. That was not my intent. But, in my hurt feelings, my shock and my entire work life being turned upside down, I didn’t express myself in the way I likely should have. For that, I am sorry. I don’t know how many people actually dealt with me or came in contact with me that week and a half, but I know that I likely made them uncomfortable and they saw a side of me that I have worked so very hard to overcome.

In the end, I just needed a light at the end of the tunnel, something good to put me back to rights. Which is why I have such an awesome best friend and godparents for Punky. They got K and I tickets to Wicked which was playing last weekend and I was in absolutely the most happy place ever. It’s a simple gesture of kindness – an unexpected happy turn of events, to put me back in the mindset I needed to be in. The one where my spirit isn’t broken and I’m not willing to give up.  I needed that little extra push from the darkness and I am now back in the light.

I was as giddy as a school girl. If you asked K, she’d tell you it was like taking a 2 year to the movies for the first time. This is my most favorite muscial, though I have only ever heard the soundtrack and my very first Broadway show ever. So, needless to say, i was excited. The seats were awesome and the music started and I was so overcome with happiness I cried. Shhh.

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I have had time to adjust to the new position and actually allow myself to get to know the people I am now working with. Though I have been on the same team of people for the last 7 years, with the same supervisor and the same routine, this transition and this adjustment has been hard, hence the shock to my system and the darkness this change took me to. However, today I came to notice that I like this job. I’m good at this job. I will excel at this job. Not because I am believe I am above this job, but because I believe I can do anything I put my mind to.

I now look at it as a way to hone my skills even more to become even more an asset to this company and I will get the job when the time is right for me. So, while I am not proud of the things I have said or the damage I have caused in the reputation I have worked so very hard to build – I am willing to put in the hard work to see thing through.

Now, besides the doom and gloomy stuff, it’s Halloween soon!! We have a costume for Punky and it’s going to be adorable. We are making it a family affair. So I give you the little Snow White! I will be the evil queen and K will be the Huntsman.  More pictures to follow when Halloween parties have commenced!

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Hope all is well with each of you, dear readers, because I haven’t had a chance to keep up with the blogs like I would like to, but I promise I am lingering still – hanging out around here, sending great big positive vibes to those of you who are pregnant, trying to get pregnant or those who have just had little ones!

Take Care until next time.

Letter to Christian Working Mothers

Yet, another article that is beautifully written has been marred by comments by the followers of God. The beginning of this article really spoke to me as a working mom and if you are one, you should read it. Here’s the perfect example of having agreements with those who are in the church about other things besides religion. 

However, there comes a side effect of the religious undertones of articles written like this. Marred in the comments are ‘well meaning’ Christian women who think they know what it’s like to be inside someone’s life. They use “God’s words” to make their veiled guilt-ridden comments and they use “God’s words” to throw a little judgement and a pinch of righteousness into an already guilt-ridden and emotional mother’s mind.

My heart goes out to those women who are shackled to the fear that their decision for their family is somehow inferior to those around them. This post is for you.

Dear Christian Working Mother,

I have known that guilt you feel. People tell you the guilt you feel is God’s way of telling you that you may be doing something wrong. Other Christian women are coming forward to tell you how your decision to work outside the home, may not be a good fit – and you shouldn’t ignore that guilty feeling in your gut.

Let me tell you something, ladies, working mothers feel guilt. It doesn’t matter if you are Christian or Atheist. It doesn’t matter if your child is newborn or young adult. A mother’s instinct is to care and nurture her child with her own two hands. To foster and delight in your child’s learning and teach your child the ways of your beliefs or non-beliefs.

We aren’t that different, you and I. The guilt a working mother feels, has nothing to do with religion. At the end of the day, the guilt you feel in your heart, those achy pangs of sadness come Monday morning has to do with being a mother. Carrying a child for 9 months gives you a special bond with that child – it’s a natural psychological response to want to be close to that child and have a hand in their daily lives.

Don’t let people use God to guilt you into doubting your decision to work outside the home. There are some, most likely just like you, who have no other choice.

Think for a moment, what happens if you give in to your guilt and you quit your job.

Will God put food in your child’s belly? Will He clothe your child and keep her warm from the coming winter fast approaching? Now you can hold your child in your arms all day long, but at what expense? Will you have a roof over your head? Will you have a car to drive him to all the playdates you so desperately want to attend?

I’m calling all Christian Mamas out there who work outside the home. I’m telling you that  you don’t have to feel guilty. This world is based in money. That’s an unfortunate fact and no matter how much you try, at the end of the day, your working puts food on the table and a roof over your child’s head.

It doesn’t mean you love your child any less. It doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong. It doesn’t speak to your greed or your priorities as a mother or a woman, it simply speaks to the necessity to do what is right for your family.

The harsh reality of this world is that it doesn’t matter if you believe in God or not. The bill collectors are still calling. The house payment is still due. The medical bills are still calling out to you from when little Johnny broke his arm last year. Those things are going away, it’s not by some miracle of God going to disappear.

I commend the writer of the original article. She has beautiful words for the working mother. All working mothers can relate to the feelings she describes. Her words are written more eloquently than mine are, because now, I’m more interested in giving you a real good shake.

Don’t let people guilt you. Don’t let people doubt you. Don’t let people tear you down.

And to those women who think they are helping by adding more stress and worry onto women who are only doing what’s necessary for their children and their family. Shame on you. You don’t walk in their shoes, don’t presume to know who they are. Just because you have been stirred with what you call the duty to spread God’s message, doesn’t mean you have to put it on the heart of a fellow woman already struggling.

At the end of the day, what does the Bible say Jesus preached? Love and compassion. Not guilt and judgement. Seek to find the same level of belief and standards you hold these women to. Seek to walk in the way that Jesus walked, or don’t say anything at all.

Working moms, of all beliefs and family dynamics. You are struggling. You are doubting. You are heartbroken. But remember this above all. You are important. You are loved. You are appreciated. Your struggles don’t go unnoticed. Your doubting has no foundation. Your heart will mend each time with the happy smile of your child when you walk through the door. Your heart can withstand, your child is learning valuable lessons from you. Teach your child the idea of standing on your own two feet, doing what is necessary, and caring for the lives you have brought into this world and keeping them safe, warm, and happy!

Let’s all give a little more compassion to our fellow mothers. Regardless of our beliefs. Regardless of our decisions. Regardless of how we raise our families. Regardless of how we got here, we are all mothers. Let’s stop this war against each other. Let’s stop the judgement and start appreciating one another. Let’s stop the guilt and start learning from one another. Let’s stop the advice and start listening to one another.

Let’s just be women. Caring for our children. Doing what is in our heart and our soul to do on pure instinct.

Love one another.