On This … Our Wedding Day.

Which was not to be.

We didn’t get married. We didn’t call to check on the status. Instead, I drove home from my parents’ house 3 hours away with a carsick toddler who had to pee (potty training) every five minutes down the highway.

By the time we got home, I had stopped at no less than 4 gas stations and hauled a toddler and her portable potty chair ring into their bathroom. Sometimes she went, sometimes, she had already gone. Thank goodness for pull-ups on long car rides.

I also got to clean up puke on the side of the highway. Lots and lots of puke. So much puke that I had to change my kid, wipe down the seat, and then put her back in it. Puke in the hair, puke on the hands, puke on her most favorite blanket. But, once she was done puking and all cleaned up, she was better. Feeling better enough to keep watching her movie.

Mommy was tired. Worn out and tired.

We had a nice visit with my family though. Lots of nice times and sweet moments. And it took my mind off the fact that we weren’t getting married. I got to spend time with people I love and people who were equally as disappointed that we weren’t getting married.

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It’s nice to have supportive family who love us so much. I really is. Of course, there are some well wishers and people who really do mean well – but let’s just say the one thing not to say to console a person who CAN’T GET MARRIED is to tell them that marriage is just a piece of paper.

Or that we don’t need a piece of paper to know how much we love each other.

That’s not the point. The love isn’t the point. This marriage, this paper that so many straight couples (who I love dearly and I know meant no disrespect) take for granted gives so many rights and privileges that we don’t have.

So, actually – yes. WE do need that piece of paper. To make our lives complete and legal and as equal in the eyes of the law, we do need that paper.

In order for Kim to make medical decisions on my behalf without the hassle of courts and lawyers and still the possibility of a judge declaring its not legal. We do need that paper.

In order for us to be equal parents to our daughter, make decisions in all aspects of her life – financial, education, medical – we do need that paper.

I think people forget, or they are just not aware of the many rights that you are afforded when you get married. It’s not about declaring your love to someone, we’ve been doing that for 11 years. Now, it’s about the same rights. The same standard of care we should be getting from our government in the form of taxes, spousal benefits, and guardianship of our daughter.

Its the legal aspect that means the most.

So do I need a piece of paper to tell the world I love the woman I have been with for the last 11 years? No. That’s a given.

I know the phrase “Its just a piece of paper” is one given out of love and consolation. One that is supposed to make us feel better.

Unfortunately. It only means that there are still people in the world, people who love and support us, who don’t fully understand the ramifications of our being unable to marry.

It’s not about religious beliefs. It’s not about love. It’s not about some ceremony or tradition. Its not about procreation or even raising a kid in the ‘right family.’

You can read about what it’s really about: It’s about the rights we don’t have.

It will come and I think that’s what is so frustrating. This delay is just a delay. An unnecessary waste of energy, time, and emotional heartbreak. In the end, what is another month, really? What has changed? Not much.

Other than the idea that we should have been getting married today. And we didn’t.

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Teaching Through Examples During the Christmas Season

Punky and I were asked a young man outside of Walmart to donate to needy children. I asked if he was affiliated with the Salvation Army. He said yes. I told him “No thank you. We would rather not donate to anyone affiliated with an organization who chose who was needy and who wasn’t. I advised him we would stick with non-discriminatory charities.” I don’t think he was pleased with my answer, as I caught him whispering about me as I put Punky in the cart.

Frankly. I don’t care.

After the last few years, I have read nothing but terrible things about how they treat human beings of gay  and lesbian orientation. I am not okay with supporting them. I don’t begrudge those who do support them and on the surface, they are very caring and they seem to be doing good. But, I will stand up for my family and I will teach my daughter that it’s not okay to say you are a Christian and then pick and choose who you will be helping during the holidays. 

Walmart has an “Angel Tree” and I haven’t heard of anything negative about their tree – so we donate a toy to a needy child in that way. I feel sorry for the children who are being ‘helped’ by the Salvation Army, because they are likely also being brainwashed to think the way this organization does about people.

I won’t allow my daughter to be raised that way. I will not allow her to think that it’s an okay to treat human beings, regardless of their beliefs, wealth, orientation, social status or other labels. People are people. We are all made from the same stuff. We are all created in the same way.

Whether you believe in God or not, which of course, I don’t, in the end of the day, being a Christian is to be like Jesus. Jesus was kind and giving to all those people around him. The needy, the sick, the sinners. This organization claims to be Christian, they claim to be affiliated with the religious church and stand behind the testaments of the ‘Lord”. At the end of the day, they don’t. They don’t come close to showing people what Jesus was really about. They don’t live in the image of their maker or teach the principles that Jesus preached.

They follow, but they do not live by example.

Anyway, enough of my rant. Punky and I went into Walmart and I am beginning to really notice that Punky is really not okay with Santa Claus. The elderly gentleman at the door offered her a Santa sticker, she loves stickers, she flatly told him no. She shook her head when I told her that she could have a sticker on her hand, and again said No.

It’s probably because when she was 9 months old, I plopped her down on Santa’s lap and snapped some pictures. She was pissed.

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So, she probably has some form of baby PTSD when it comes to Santa Claus. We have a book to introduce her to Santa now that she is older and enough to maybe appreciate the spirit and the magic of Christmas. When we say “That’s Santa!” and make a happy time of it, she promptly shuts the book and says “No”.

So, imagine my surprise when the guy on the intercom at Walmart said that Santa was in the garden center and you could stop by and see him. Get a picture with him even. So, of course, I said, “You wanna go see Santa?”

“No.”

“You wanna just go look at him?”

“No.”

“Well, let’s go just watch the other kids and if you want to sit with him you can.” I said. I wheeled the cart to the garden center.

The Santa was sitting on a bench, so she wouldn’t have had to sit on him lap, but when I pulled her out of the cart – she stood right next to me. She watched several kids sit up there with him and he said hi to her and blew her kisses. She wasn’t having it.

In the end, she did say “Bye Bye” and waves to him as we headed home.

I guess that’s a start!

So, since Punky is a little older and is getting to understand things more. I have decided to make an Advent Calendar for Christmas. What that really means, is we will be counting down to Christmas with Punky. I will be making one and we will get to do things with Punky as a family. Like going to Christmas in the Park to see the lights and baking cookies and decorating them together, like I did with my grandma when I was younger.

I’m pretty excited and I will likely post some picture of the advent calendar and the activities that we do with Punky this year. I’m pretty excited. I went to Walmart to get the stuff to make the Advent calendar envelopes and get started making the awesomeness.

We went to a new park that just opened up in the neighborhood and played a little bit. It’s been a while since Punky and I have been out together and I wanted to get her out of the house and spend some time with her. So after Walmart, we headed to the park. She had a blast.

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Also, not sure if anyone else has seen this on Pinterest, but I got this idea from there, and it seems to be working. When I get Punky out of the car, if I need to gather things from the car still or out of the trunk, I ask her to put hand on the “Space Place”. Which is really just the gas door on the car. But, she’s so interested in putting her hands on the car that she isn’t running off into the road or parking lot.

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