Why The Church Lost My Daughter

This article came over on my Facebook feed today. It talks about why millennials are leaving the church. It says in essence that most of the people in my age group or younger are leaving the church because religion has taken on more of a political stance than a faith stance. Instead of teaching their followers to love thy neighbor, they are teaching their followers to ‘hate the sin”. Instead of teaching their followers to have compassion for the whore, they are teaching their followers to condemn and judge, when that is only God’s job according to the Bible.

Of course, we are also leaving the church because we feel like there is a strict line between faith and science and we can’t have both. We can’t ask questions. We can’t be curious. We can’t have doubt. So, basically, instead of feeling bad for having doubt, I just decided that my doubt must be real and it just doesn’t exist.

I’ve felt the after effects of being a loyal church goer and follower of Jesus. I’ve felt the aftermath of leaving the church and suddenly feeling lost and confused. Of course, the followers of the church would say the lost feeling is because you don’t have Jesus in your life anymore and you are feeling it.

Instead, I say, I felt the aftermath of brainwashing. My brain and body was programmed from a very young age how to act, feel, and think. When I rebelled against that, my body went into shock. That’s an emotional response. That’s a physical response. It’s a psychological  response to my damaged brain finally taking control. It’s a kind of battle that will stay forever in my mind. that back and forth kind of battle. So far, I’m winning the war, but the battles … that pit in your stomach. That heavy feeling in your chest. The battle of wills in your mind. All part of the deprogramming of the mind when it comes to any kind of mind control. The church is a great example of mind control.

When you teach a child from the beginning that they are not to ask questions, just have faith. When you teach a child that they only need to trust in the leaders of the church, no need to trust in their own thought. When you teach a child the only way to be ‘saved’ is to follow the teachings and use guilt and fear to make them behave and think a certain way.

Like it or not, this is brainwashing. This mind control. In the end, it doesn’t matter what the beliefs of the church really are, whether they follow the Bible or not. The Bible is the excuse, the ‘teachings of Jesus” are the front for what is real. Church leaders only need to use mind control tactics to make you believe whatever they want. To make you act however they want. By the time they have all the pieces in place, they can tell you that God is going to change the sky from blue to cotton candy pink and if they do their job right, you believe them. You can’t possibly wait for the “miracle”

It’s kind of like when people blame the gays for hurricanes and natural disasters. Yes. God did that. Because of the gays. That’s compassion right there. And how may Christians actually believe this nonsense?  You’d be surprised.

How many church goers use the Bible as their tool, but they don’t really follow the teachings of Jesus that is written plainly in the black and white text?

THIS is why the church has lost my daughter. I refuse to subject her to the mind control of the church. I refuse to let her go through the withdrawal symptoms of mind control. I am seeing an increase of parents in my age group who feel the same way. We are thinking more about teaching our kids to think for themselves and release their kids from the idea of attaching their feelings to a belief in God or church.

I know for me, it’s not worth it to scar Punky with the inevitable. She will be told her parents are not natural, she will be told that she doesn’t have a legit family. I am not about to allow her to be subject to something as damaging as that. Her moms love her just as much as any family headed by a mom and dad. The kinds of thoughts that are taught and embedded in a child’s brain are not something I care to have in my daughter’s head.

We can teach our children morals without any form of church or God to be associated with. Children are taught to believe in something. Children are taught to think how their parents believe. Children are hardwired to please adults. I will not take advantage of her tiny mind. I will not subject her to any of the mind games that we adults play. I will let her question thing. I will let her be curious.

I don’t want topics to be taboo. I don’t want her feelings to be taboo. I don’t want her to be ashamed. I don’t want her to feel guilty for the way she thinks or who she wants to be. Which is why – unlike the church – I will teach her free will. In the Bible, it is taught that God created us with free will. To try and take away a person’s free will is completely backwards.

So instead of focusing on politics and agendas, both sides of the religious debate could learn from each other. Partner with each other. Instead of playing head games and a battle of wills, come together and put differences aside and work on what is important – compassion, love, and kindness to all human beings as we are all the same on the inside.

This is what I’m teaching my daughter, what about you? Regardless of your religious preferences, I promise to teach my kid to treat your children with respect and dignity. If we can all promise to teach the new generation of children to love thy neighbor and withhold judgement when possible, we can achieve a better world.


Hope you had a great weekend and to those with cycles up in the air, good luck and good vibes are being sent from us to you! ❤

10 Things Peyton Will Not Experience

SpongeBob SquarePants

Not only is the name of the character ridiculous, I find the humor crude and noneducational nature of the show disheartening. Personally, I don’t see the need for Peyton to watch this stupid sponge. She doesn’t need to know what he is, who he is, or be involved with any of his under the sea activities. If they aren’t teaching her something, she isn’t watching it, end of story. That really goes for a lot of things, but mostly, “the sponge who must not be named.”

Bullying Other People

I don’t care how old or young, the gender, the color, the creed. I don’t care about the religious preference, I don’t care about the social status.I don’t care if she wants to kick that person in the teeth **in her mind** she will never ever be allowed to bully another person. I won’t allow it. If she does, somehow, experience this – I will have not taught her that it was right and she will experience a grade A smack on the butt. Period. 

Asking to Do Something and Then Quitting

When I was a kid, I asked to do all sorts of things and they let me. Stupidly, the adults in my life decided that I could go to dance class and T-ball. I could join 4-H and Brownies. I would be more than happy to have added piano lessons and gymnastics if they had let me. However, they finally caught on. Kids usually want to do things and then they QUIT. Why do they quit? Because their parents let them. When the activity just got too hard, I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore. My parents allowed me to quit. I will never make Peyton do something she doesn’t want to do – but if she begs me to join dance class or karate or any other assortments of classes, she will stick it out. At least for the year or two it would take to not be ‘playing around’.

Disrespecting Elder Family and Friends

When grown-ups are talking, you don’t interrupt. You don’t tell an adult to shut up. You don’t tell an adult no. (within reason) Basically, I will teach my daughter that you wait your turn to speak and there is a time and a place for you to express your opinions and beliefs. I don’t like to think that I am the kind of mother who will tell her that Children should be Seen and not Heard, that is not true. However, I will never be cursed at, hit, bit, spit at, smacked, punched, yelled at, or any other form of disrespect. I don’t care if you say “Yes, ma’am or No, ma’am” but the Please and Thank You will be there and Excuse me and I’m Sorry will be a staple in her vocabulary from early on.

Getting Everything She Wants, Including the Golden Goose

Peyton will never be Veruca Salt. Never. I will not allow her to be. She will always have everything she needs. A roof over her head, warm bed to sleep in, clothes on her back and food in her belly. She will always been loved unconditionally and respected as a human being with rights and opinions and unique thoughts and personality. I’m not being unrealistic here, and frankly, I have a bit of retail therapy problem, so Peyton and I already go shopping pretty regularly. However, when Mommy says no, it means no. There will be no tantrums and crying and whining. I won’t say she will never experience this, but she will only experience it handful of times before she realizes that Mommy means business.
Mediocre Grades in School

I was an A student growing up. It didn’t take much for me to learn things quickly and apply it in my daily life. I was a model student. I understand that I don’t know yet if Peyton will be that way. I also acknowledge that she is not me, she is her own unique little person. However, I will not accept mediocre grades. We will always work towards helping her achieve standards that are acceptable. That would be A and B grades for me. I don’t buy into the “Its a Passing Grade” nonsense. If she just can’t get it, we need to figure out why. We need to work with her teachers and get to the bottom of the problem. Instead of dwelling on the problem and fostering it, we can come up with a solution and make her reach the potential that I know she is capable of. I wish more parents would empower their kids to do better, instead of settling for mediocre.
Dressing Like The Latest Popstar

If you are wearing more skin than you are clothes, they are too small and not appropriate. Our daughter will not be wearing anything that Madonna, Britney Spears, or Lady GaGa wears right now. No skinny jeans, no skimpy tops, and no hooker boots. I wore all that stuff when I was young, but you know what … we will not do what Mommy did. We will learn from her mistakes. Frankly, girls these days feel like they have to show themselves off by wearing as little clothing as possible. Leaving more to the imagination, makes you more desirable. I learned that the hard way growing up. I would rather Peyton not learn that lesson like I did. Not to mention that if you think you have to wear revealing clothes to get attention, your self esteem is not that high. We should be giving our daughters something else to value besides looks. How about intelligence and wit, sense of humor, and kindness?
Mommy Taking Her Side Over Teachers

I see this a lot in school age kids and I am not a teacher. I saw it growing up and my own parents are actually culprits of this as well. The kid is consistently in trouble at school, but its the teacher’s fault. They don’t bring home their books, but its the teacher’s fault. They didn’t pass a test, but its the teacher’s fault. The teacher doesn’t like me. The teacher didn’t cover it. The teacher is mean. The teacher doesn’t care. Blah, blah, blah.Kids will tell you what they think you want to hear. If you are naive enough to believe them before going to the teacher and asking questions (not acting a fool) then I pity the teacher that cares for your child during the day.
Her Mommies Fighting In Front Of Her

Kim and I have been known to have some epic arguments. We have, in the past, had some rocky roads. Recently, in the last few years, we have mellowed out. There was never physical violence – just usually screaming matches. My parents would throw things at each other and otherwise scream and cuss at each other. I remember hiding under the beds with my siblings, covering their heads with pillows to muffle the sounds. I understand that parents fight. I understand that arguments are inevitable. Fighting in front of your kids, its not acceptable and I refuse to subject my daughter to the trauma.
Closed Mind to Opinions, Hopes, Dreams, Creativity, and Wishes

I truly believe that Peyton can be anything she wants to be. I want to nurture her belief in imagination and play. I want to foster her hopes and wishes. I also want her to be able to tell me the truth. I want her to be able to come to me and talk openly with me about anything. I am not necessarily saying I want to be her friend, there is a way that you communicate honestly with your mother that is different than your friends. However, I hope that she will learn early on that no matter what she thinks and feels, she will always be able to express herself and be loved unconditionally for her differences and similarities.
There are still things that we may not agree on yet, Kim and I. Examples would be things like public school and homeschooling, whether or not our 7 year old needs a lighter to light her own fireworks, and crying it out methods. All of these things can be worked out in due time. We have really learned from each other and learned to compromise. These 10 things, I believe, we agree on and I strongly believe are just to build our daughter’s character and make her a stronger and more independent girl as she grows up!
Take Care,