Dear Women Who Are Upset With Women’s March

Your privilege is showing. Might wanna tuck it back in.

Yes. I said it. Once again, not everything is about you. But because you are looking from only inside your own small bubble and the things we march for don’t affect you, it’s stupid and inconvenient to you. You don’t have to feel like YOU are affected and need to march, but you can still support those of us who do feel the need to march for our rights.

It’s called being a good human being. If you’re religious, it’s about loving your neighbor, feeding the poor, healing the sick, and helping the less fortunate. But that’s not what you are really about, right? Let’s get real for a minute.

JUST BECAUSE YOU AREN’T AFFECTED OR YOU DON’T FEEL THE BURDEN OR FEAR, DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT REAL.

The reason you don’t feel oppressed as a women is because you likely have never had to justify your need or want to have access to contraception. Your reproductive rights are under attack, because you don’t believe in abortion, so why should anyone else? Perhaps you don’t know a woman who was raped by a family member and forced into an abortion at the age of 13. News flash, its still happening and this isn’t just about YOU.

The reason you don’t feel like transgendered people should have the right to use the bathroom of their preferred gender, is because you are scared of things you are unfamiliar with and is uncomfortable for you. Your unwillingness to get to know or learn more about a real plight for these women, again shows you don’t get the point. This isn’t about YOU.

The reason you don’t want to have gun safety or regulations because you have never felt the sadness or anguish of having your sons, brothers, and fathers gunned down in the streets, just because of the color of their skin. Just because you haven’t experienced it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. This isn’t about YOU.

The reason you don’t want to provide healthcare to millions of those who can’t afford it, is because you don’t struggle to  afford the high premiums or you aren’t caring for a sick child or parent – as most underprivileged Americans – because the country is tailored to you. You don’t know the burden of the multiplying hospital and medical bills for life saving medication and surgeries for your children.

You don’t want to pay higher taxes, it’s your hard earned money? I guess you’d rather use that extra cash to take your kids to Disney World than help save a sick kiddo who’s parent can’t afford healthcare – or find a job to provide it. This isn’t about YOU.

The reason you tell me “your marriage is safe” is because you haven’t had to wait 12 years to get married to the person you have spent half you life with. You didn’t have to fight for a simple piece of paper that gives you the benefit of seeing your spouse in the hospital when they are dying. You don’t know the struggle of those of us who know the feeling of being turned away from housing, employment, and our own families based on the person you love. This isn’t about you.

You aren’t a victim? That’s great. I’m glad for you. That doesn’t mean that the laws of this country aren’t in some serious need for change. You want me to just “respect the president.” but, perhaps you haven’t been sexually assaulted on the street by a stranger who just decided you were easy prey that day. OR a family member who felt it was their right to take your body and do what they wish with it.You haven’t been raped at a party and then told it was your fault because your skirt was too short. It’s just locker room talk? But it’s not. Its happening. Everyday. Women being assaulted by being emboldened by statements such as these. This isn’t about you.

You want to build a wall because you don’t want to let in the scary scary Muslims and Mexicans. But you don’t have to worry about your family being broken up, just by the circumstances of the random places you were born. You are born in a country of privilege, This isn’t about you. Lest you forget, this country was founded on immigrants, to keep them out, is not only selfish, but ignorant.

You don’t feel like a second class citizen? Then you haven’t asked your male co-workers what they make in the same job you occupy. You haven’t lived in a small town where the only jobs are fast food places. Places for “high schoolers” are full time jobs to a lot of mothers and women who can’t afford to leave their small towns in search of something better. But they don’t deserve to make more money, because those jobs, the “unskilled” jobs that you benefit from on a daily basis, aren’t worth the same standards and respect as yours. You don’t know the struggle to put food on the table and clothes on your kids. This isn’t about you.

Here’s the deal, I don’t care if you march or not, but don’t discourage those of us who do. For those of us this is about. Because the country is tailored to cater to your demographic and that means you are fortunate not to be affected by these problems. Just because you aren’t affected, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Doesn’t mean the march wasn’t necessary. At the end of the day, this is about fighting for equality. For justice. For the American dream for all who wish to stand and show up for it.

I don’t discount that this march doesn’t seem like a big deal to you. I can see why you think it’s not important. You don’t have the personal story that the women who are marching have. This isn’t about you. That doesn’t mean you can’t look outside your bubble and see that this is a real issue. These are real problems.

You would rather keep the status quo, because it doesn’t affect you and changing it will affect you, that’s not ok. You don’t take action because you don’t benefit from it. That’s selfish and let’s me know what kind of person you really are. You don’t have to agree with the March, you can even think it inconvenient, but don’t say it’s not necessary.

Don’t call me a snowflake, when you were praising those who depicted our first black president as a monkey or held up signs hanging him. Don’t tell me I’m bashing men, because I want to be treated equal to them in the workplace, home, and country. I don’t hate men. I hate that men get all the rights and no one seems to give a damn.

Don’t tell me to stop acting like a victim. I’m not a victim, I don’t claim to be. I claim to be a woman. A warrior. And my right to peaceful protest is in the same constitution as the guns you so tightly cling to. I publicly condemn the violence and destruction of property that happens in protests.

“Treat Others as you Wish to be Treated” but only if it benefits me. That’s the way of this country right now. We are all spoiled, selfish and entitled. “We want OUR way, it’s the ONLY way, if it positively BENEFITS only US and people like us.” We talk about the kids of this generation, of the ‘radical’ millennials who are marching in the streets. What you are really upset about is if these ‘spoiled and entitled’ kids get their way, your way of life will suddenly change.

You will no longer be better than someone else. You will no longer reap the benefits of the rewards to the few in this country. You will have to respect those with different beliefs and watch your tongue and avert your eyes. You will be uncomfortable. You will have to take responsibility for your actions.

Change is hard. But being honorable and respectful and a decent human being is harder. Fighting for what is right, not what is easy, that’s the challenge.

But, just as you don’t feel the need to march, doesn’t mean it’s not necessary. Just because you don’t want things to change, doesn’t mean they don’t need to. Just because you don’t see into my life, live my truth, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. The march isn’t about those who aren’t affected. If you aren’t affected, or you don’t feel you are affected, that’s fine. I respect your right not to march.

Respect MY right to march. Because this IS about me.

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My Family Is Just Like Yours

**Posted for Blogging About LGBT Families Day (June 3rd)**

At the end of the day, that’s the simple truth. It doesn’t matter what parents head a family. In the end, my family is the same as yours. While your husband may go to work and provide for the family, that is my job in my family. You may stay home with your child and care for the needs of their everyday, we have a stay at home mom too, and it’s my daughter’s Mama, my partner.

The one thing I can never wrap my head around is that simple fact.

It doesn’t matter if the family is headed by two moms or a mom and a dad. It doesn’t matter if the family is headed by two dads or a single mom. When it comes down to the nitty gritty all we should really care about is whether or not the children in the family are being cared for, whether or not they are loved. I can say that I am sure your children are loved and well cared for and you do it in your own way.

The same courtesy is all I am asking for. This isn’t just about being a two mom house hold, it’s about being a family who parents differently than someone else. It’s about the “Mommy Wars” and judging other people’s decisions. Just because you didn’t allow your child to cry it out, doesn’t make my child a future sociopath. Just because we didn’t allow our daughter to co-sleep, doesn’t mean yours will grow up to be a clingy co-dependent adult.

See what I did there? I changed the way things look.

Imagine if you were me and your children were told that their father was not really their father because your marriage wasn’t legal and it wasn’t allowed because of some archaic rules from who knows where. Imagine for a moment if your husband passed away and your marriage was not fully recognized and your relationship to your child was not legally binding, thus, the moment he passed away, your child could be ripped from your arms. Imagine for a moment, you are sitting at a bench at the park with your daughter and you are sharing a nice little chicken nugget meal and someone were to come up and give you a judging look for feeding your child fast food. Now, imagine that you didn’t have time to cook a meal for your daughter because you just got off work, but your main priority was to take her out to play at the park and bond with her for a few hours.

Instead of judging the dynamic of another family, put yourself in their shoes. Feel what they feel. Regardless of what it is you are “being helpful” about. You aren’t being helpful. In the end, your comments and judgments are unfounded, because my family is just as normal as yours.

Does your daughter like to play at the park? Mine does.

playground

Do you come up with new ways to entertain your kid or spend time with them? We do!

playplace

Do you have a specific bedtime routine for your little one? We do.

nighttime

Do you read stories to your kid at night or during nap time? We do.

books

Does your toddler eat things they shouldn’t? Mine does.

chalk

Do you require your kid to eat their veggies? We do.

veggies

Does your daughter go to your spouse for comfort over you? Mine does.

comfort

And, let’s not forget, that because my family is not recognized as ‘legal’ and my partner is not considered my daughter’s mother, if I were to get a car accident tomorrow, my daughter would be ripped away from the person she seeks comfort from. Is that better for her? I doubt it. Does that cause damaging affects on a child’s psyche? I believe so.

If you have the same experiences that we do with our children, then as you can see, we are just like you. Our families are no different; our children are neither better nor worse off. In the end, it doesn’t matter who heads the family – what matters are the loves that comes with the family you have.

Celebrate the differences of the families around you. Remember that just because my daughter has two moms, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have male role models in her life. Just because my daughter has two moms, doesn’t mean she will lack for a male figure in her life.

And, frankly, how to single moms do it without a male figure in the children’s lives? Do we condemn them for not having a mom and a dad household? We sure don’t stigmatize them or say those moms are punishing their children for depriving them from having a male role model.

If you get anything out of this, just remember, my family is just like yours. Full of love and laughter, tears and fears. We all have the same common goal. Love our children and raise them to be good people in the world.

Check out more awesome blog posts about this:

Master List at Mobian

Real families on Equally Family