Christmas Countdown Out of Whack

Well, I’m terrible at updating the countdown this year. But we have done all sorts of fun things.

Day 11: Pick out ornament for the tree (2012 was Cat in the Hat, 2013 was Tow Mater, 2014 is Minnie Mouse) This was the first year that Miss Punky picked out the ornament herself. Its going to be a very Merry Minnie Christmas. Literally. She has asked for only two things from Santa. Minnie Bike and Light Up Shoes. I have the bike in the works (her godfather is painting an old bike we had) and the light up shoes I got for her are Minnie Mouse and the bows and hearts light up. She’s going to love them.

From her moms so far I have gotten her a zebra print Minnie Mouse bath robe, because she’s so dramatic about being cold when she comes out of the tub and dries off. The small walk to her room or down the stairs in just a towel brings on the jitters and shivers. Its pretty darn adorable. I also found the cutest Minnie Mouse duffel bag for traveling and it comes with a sleeping bag. So when we go visit my family, she will have her own bag to take! Just like a big girl.

So – Minnie Mouse is the theme of this year.

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Day 12:Angel Tree and Senior Tree at Walmart. Walmart always sponsors children for Christmas. Kim and I have been picking stars off the tree for several years. This is the first time Miss Punky picked her own star. A 6 year old girl who wanted a baby doll and stroller. Miss Punky picked out the baby doll and I added the cheapest stroller(cause we aren’t made of money) to give to the little girl. Our bank sponsors seniors. I always try to take one of those as well. Punky picked a Grammy instead of a Papa and we bought their wish list item of art supplies.

I always feel bad that the paper ornaments with all the senior citizens on it are not usually touched. In fact, when I went to put the gift in the their collect box, there was trash inside of it, but no gifts. When we went back to Walmart the end day of the collection, there were still the same amount of ornaments on the tree. No one ever thinks of the senior citizens – at least that’s the way it looks. It’s pretty sad.

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Day 13: Kim’s grandfather’s union always has a Christmas Party and he gathers all his grandkids and great grandkids together for chili and nachos at 9am. We adults are getting to be a little less steel stomached for it. But they have Santa and pictures and lots of great things for the kids to do. Its a nice time normally. I didn’t get to attend, because with this midnight shift, I have been sleeping in late. So, I’m not in the family picture with Santa. But! Miss Punky is sitting on Santa’s lap! How exciting is that development?!

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Kim, Mrs. Claus, Santa, Uncle Eric, Punky, and Aunt Ashley

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I very small portion of the very large Italian family that I married into. They are all the grandkids and great-grandkids and their parents.

Day 14: We colored plastic ornament balls with sharpies for our neighbors and their kids as well as her godparents. She had fun just scribbling and it really added character to the gifts.

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Day 15: We filled the ornaments with hot chocolate and then delivered them to their new owners. They are lucky they got any marshmallows though, because she kept putting them in her mouth, instead of in the ornament!

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So that’s what we have been up to so far. I have also mailed all my Santa Letters this year. I dropped them in the mailbox to be picked up yesterday, so they are on their way to all the kids on the list. 140 of them this year!

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We have 9 days til Christmas. This has been the most interactive holiday with Punky – the one where she has participated, started to fully understand that this is a holiday, and really gotten into the spirit. I can’t wait to keep on making traditions with her!

And these are the Days of Our Lives…..

I feel like we are constantly in some wackadoodle damn soap opera. The roller coaster of our life just never had a moment to slow down and stop. There are never any breaks along the way, it’s just UP and DOWN. UP and DOWN.

Jeez, life, throw me a damn bone.

I’m super frustrated right now because Kim and I got Punky all dressed up and paraded her around the court house in Kansas to get our application for a marriage license. Literally, just last week, this was a done deal and we found out about it on Wednesday. We were excited, we were so relieved. It wasn’t Missouri, but just the few days prior, Missouri did rule that they would recognize gay marriages performed legally in states that do allow that sort of thing.

So, why not, we said?

We only live 30 minutes away from the court house doing it and we could go up there before I went to work the very next day. So, Thursday, we got ready, we all three got up super early. This was a momentous occasion and one we called all our parents about and pumped up our Facebook friends and family with this adorable video from Punky!

It was pouring down rain when we got in the car, by the time we got on the highway, I couldn’t even really see the cars in front of us. The rain was sheets of water, buckets being dumped on our car. Kim looked at me and said, “You must really want to do this.” And if anyone knows me, I don’t drive in the best conditions, let alone these types of conditions, unless I want to get somewhere. I held it together and kept my cool.

Punky got to press the walk button on the crosswalk and go through the metal detector, all while charming the pants off anybody we passed with her ridiculously adorable pea coat and umbrella.

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We finally found our way to the marriage license window and got the application; after swearing to god that our statements were all true. We got the application and they hadn’t even had time to change the pronouns on the application yet, it’s that new. So we had to cross out groom and we had to change he to she. Normally, this kind of thing might bug me, but not at that moment. I didn’t care. I just wanted to do it right.

11 years we have waited. 11 years we have been patiently watching and silently hoping that we will be married in our own state, or at least close. (Kansas is literally right around the corner from us!)  Who cares if the forms are updated. That time will come. I just wanted it to be right.

We signed some stuff, took our application and went home to wait the three day waiting period for Kansas marriage licenses.

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We were going to make a trip back there on Tuesday. We were going to get married and get our marriage license on Tuesday. The long wait for marriage (and tax benefits and rights and equality) was finally over.

Until tonight.

When we read that the Kansas State Attorney General petitioned a block on all gay marriage licenses. There will be a hearing. Sometime in November. And yes, I know – we will get married eventually. With the way the momentum of gay marriage is sweeping the country – it’s going to happen.

But.

It won’t be Tuesday.

And we are all pretty bummed about it.

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And in other news, we are going to visit my family tomorrow – so that will likely brighten my spirits a bit.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Settling In and Smoothing Out

There are hard parts about this move and the transition from independence to the changes that we have had to come to terms with. I like to think the hardest part right now is that we had to take Punky out of school, because we got so backed up on tuition and it now needs to be caught up. It will get there, but it is a sacrifice that I am so very sad about – she was starting to thrive socially, her teachers kept telling me how much more she was talking and interacting. She’s a shy kid and she’s not exactly a social butterfly – especially when she started school, so to hear those things – made me so happy! And, now, we are back to an only child being at home with adults.

The good part about the move is Miss Punky is sporting the best tan on a toddler I have ever seen. Seriously. Grammy has a small pool and our little fish is out there in her swimsuit as often as she can possibly get an adult to take her out there. She goes on trips to the park with Papa in the wagon.

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Yea, we have a park – literally in our backyard. Do we live in the basement, yea, but we also live in a neighborhood. Last time I pulled Punky around in the wagon – over to the park that is pretty much right across the street, I got to thinking that we didn’t have this when we were living our apartment. We had a cluster of apartment buildings, but we didn’t have ‘neighbors’ or kids playing in the streets. We didn’t have houses to walk past and she didn’t really see lawns being mowed.

Another silver lining, new things to explore. Of course more thing to hurt ourselves on. I fell down one of the three sets of stairs today and busted my knee and threw my camera on the concrete of the garage in the process. I am currently wearing my knee brace, but I think I will live! Punky’s lip is healing up nicely, this morning it was scabbed over, and I was resisting the urge to pull it off, it fell off by itself this evening before dinner.

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My little monkey is such a little curious thing. So it was great to see her be able to explore and enjoy herself. Its super hot, so when we get the chance to make it to the park in the early hours of the day – when it is cooler outside, we take the chance. She finds all sorts of great things to play on and I love capturing the moments. With a pool and a park in our backyard, this summer may be the best yet, no matter where we live!

 

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Another weight lifted off my shoulders this week, when my FMLA was approved for my absences as work. It means that for all things that have gone this last year, my job is being held for me. Thank goodness it was approved. Without it, I likely wouldn’t have a job and I am not dismissive about the fact that there are a lot of things we need to work on and I have a plan in place – but its a weight that makes me feel lighter and a little more free.

With all the weights getting lighter from my shoulders, it feels like someone else is holding onto the reigns and keeping me afloat. My heart isn’t as heavy and for now, I will let someone else push me. (AKA, Miss Punky was insistent that she push me on the swing, no she did not want to sit on the seat, Mommy, you sit and I will push you.) Silly as it is, but being pushed on the swing – really gave me a sense of freedom and it was great to hang out with my little girl in what feels like the longest time we have ever gone since the last time we spent time together.

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We get to spend more time together lately, and with the basement being a smaller space, we spent it closer together. I really do love coming home from work and the three of us going down into the basement and sitting on my bed with  my little girl and talking about what she did that day. We don’t spend all night down there – we sit down to dinner with Grammy and Papa, that’s different for us to, cooked meals and sit down at a table together for dinner, we didn’t do that at our home. So many good things are changing as a result of something that may not have been so good.

Kim and I have things to talk about again. I mean, I can come home and we can just decompress and talk about our day and talk about something other than the mundane and same old thing. We have conversations. We are closer. The metaphor of the small space, the closeness of the basement means we are all becoming closer, bonding and in a way, regardless of what I expected – its a great outcome for us, so far.

 

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Of course, we have only been here for three days – its still the beginning and I have no misgivings that this will be the way this situation will stay. I am sure there will be days when the closeness is the last thing I want, when the lack of private space is the last thing I want, when the constant companionship is something I will want to get away from and have no where to go. But, for now, its just calm and comforting.

We are making new adventures. New memories. We are building new hopes and new plans and new situations. We are exploring, growing and expanding and in all of it, my only hope is that we can bring forth a sense of strength, courage, and determination to our daughter. She doesn’t have to know the circumstances of our situation, the analogies of the bottom in the life we are in right now  – she doesn’t need to know the tears shed behind closed doors or the decisions made in the conversations we have in the dead of night – in the whispers words we speak in desperation of what’s left for us to do.

Instead, she will only know happy. She will only know the memories and the joy. I will only allow her to know the light and the peace and the childhood that she is to have. She is not a grown up and by whatever means necessary, she will not have to be one as soon as I had to be one – I will keep her little and I will let her be a child for as long as I possibly can keep her that way.

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Being a grown up is over-rated and believe me when I say if I could figure out how to go back and make that part stop, be a child longer, savor the playful moments longer, linger in childlike joy and entertain my teddy bears and Barbies just a little more – I would! Alas that’s not allowed, once you are grown up, there’s no turning back and I will not force my baby to grow up. I won’t.

So we are making the best and we are slowly getting out of the holes and smoothing out the bumps. Its not a fix all and its most certainly not the end, but the beginning is looking bright.

Oh and as a side note, all heavy shit aside, I am so proud and pretty darn excited that my kid loves Minnie Mouse and Batman equally! 😉 Its a pretty fantastic thing to me. Raising a kid without stereotypes is my ultimate goal and so far, it’s working out. She thinks for herself and that’s just the way we want her to be!!

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22/52 – Father’s Day and Water Play

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This pretty girl has declared recently “I not a baby anymore!”

Which, neither of are really sure what that means, to Punky, but we know what it means to her mothers.

We aren’t supposed to sing songs for her, she will do it. We aren’t supposed to help her dance. She will do it. We can’t help her put her socks on, Punky will do it. Moms are allowed to take her shoes off for her, she’s got it.

We also can’t make presents for her Papa/Uncle Day without her assistance. So, she got to put the presents for her uncles and papa in their bags and stuff the paper in as well. This year they all got custom chocolate Hershey’s bars. Mommy made the wrong dimensions and we had to improvise, but it was still cute!

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For her Bubba (godfather) we made him a Moonpie Tower, because he loves Moonpies and of course was over the moon to have them! But of course, we had to try them before we made the tower!

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Papa got a T-Shirt with this ironed on it and it was a pretty awesome hit! Immediately worn when unwrapped, which is pretty much every year, since Papa gets a new shirt every year! Suppose it’s better than a tie!!

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Overall, Papa/Uncle Day was a pretty good success. After the festivities of presents and BBQ, it was time for the kids to get in the pool for some water play and swimming. Punky is really loving the water right now. Its great that her preschool has water play on Tuesdays as well, so they have her bring her swimsuit and they explore different water type activities, this week it was running through the sprinklers.

So, she loves her goggles and swimming at Grammy and Papa’s house, so they spent the afternoon browning in the sunlight – and swimming up and down the pool.

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And at the end of the day, Papa/Uncle Day wore out my kiddo and her Mama! This is by far one of my most favorite pictures ever!!

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21/52: Tired, Stressed Out and Broke – These Are The Days Of Our Lives

With each passing day, I’m starting to feel like we are drowning just a little further into the abyss of stress. The full weight is felt on my shoulders, crushing me to the brink of insanity.

Miss Punky has become increasingly more contrary. She’s less than polite lately – almost as if she’s completely forgotten the words “Please” and “Thank You”. She’s up at all hours of the night again, she woke me up at 3AM, 5AM, and then at 7AM. She hadn’t had a BM for three days and was running a 103 temperature yesterday, so silly me, I got up each time.

All she wanted was cuddles and few minutes of rocking before she was out again. But, she screamed like she was in pain. She was crying like she was scared. She broke my heart in a way she hadn’t when she was little and we did the crying it out to start – and believe me, standing outside the closed door while your baby is ‘crying it out’ is its own kind of heartbreak!

We are the type of parents who lay her down in her room, give kisses/hugs/I love yous and when the door is shut, for the most part, unless she’s sick, we don’t open the door. It’s the best way we were able to train her to sleep and it really helped all of us get more sleep when she was an infant. (And I credit crying it out to our little one being a champion sleeper) Suddenly, she’s less of a champion and I’m more of a coddler as she gets older!

With all the health stuff going on with Kim – we just really decided that perhaps potty training isn’t going to happen right now. We tried for a day and a half, but seriously, it wasn’t going as I would have liked. Punky is interested, she loves wearing panties and she loves getting stickers for her chart.

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But, we can’t be consistent right now. Its another stressor on Kim and I that we just can’t handle any more on our plates. So, for now, we wait. We continue with pull-ups and helping her be vocal on the need and want to go potty.

I’m starting to feel like we are “less than” parents though. She’s so interested and she really is taking it to it when prompted. We just … our routine is off, our days are off. I’m taking off work more than normal to take Kim to doctor’s appointments or to take care of Punky when Kim is feeling less than able to care for her. Kim and Punky spend more time than normal outside of our house, at my mother-in-law’s house which isn’t our house which can make potty training difficult right now.

Until we get all the tests run and figure out everything we need to figure out for Kim, health-wise, we just don’t need to take on something else. Even if I sometimes feel like we are delaying Punky’s development somehow.

My therapist says we need some time. We need more support. My therapist is telling me that I need more support. We aren’t really the type of people to ask someone to take our kid for a day or a weekend. Ugh.

This last few weeks have been tough. Someone suggested that I blog the good, the bad, the not too ugly – so well, I’m doing that. Its depressing, complaining and overly not cute at all! I just hope with the doctor’s appointments we have tomorrow and next week will help us sort out what we are looking at with Kim’s health.

Then maybe some of this stress will go away and we will dig ourselves out of this hole and float to the top of this ocean I’m drowning in right now!

Just wish us luck, send us some positive thoughts, calming vibes, whatever to help my nerves be less shot and my attitude be less than snarky!

20/52 – And the Busiest Week Ever

Ugh. I have been a terrible blogger this last week. Of course, I did have my 30th birthday weekend and it was awesome.

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I worked on Memorial Day, which consisted of me sitting at my desk, working on this little pretty!

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Its a “Smash Book” which is like a scrapbook, but in so many ways, it is not a scrapbook. I have been putting all our trip pictures in the book and it has been awesome. You can journal and you can stack pictures on top of each other. Its like an art journal and I love it. An “unscrapbook” if you will. I got it for my birthday on my trip and it’s been fantastic to put together.

And then I was helping plan a very special first birthday party for one of my friends’ kids. It was a vintage circus theme and it was pretty darn awesome.

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We are dealing with some concerning health problems with Kim, this time not mental by physical – we have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, so more to come on that, I guess. Its been a little stressful here in our house.

Bills piling up, sickness, and looking for a new place to live. I just think we need something new. A new change, something to get us back on track. I’ve been stressed to the max the last week or so, which is likely why I haven’t really done much blogging, because I just don’t have a lot of ‘nice’ things to say.

And then I remember, we get through every storm and while we may be battered and torn, we are not broken. We will get through it in one piece, even if there are chips and scratches along the surface.

Miss Punky is loving school and loving swimming! Right now, the pool has been her most favorite thing. Her Grammy has a small pool in their backyard and thank goodness this kid doesn’t burn like her Mommy. She is developing quite the little tan lines, even with the 100 proof sunscreen I slather on her! These goggles get me every time!

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Friday and Saturday, I think she may have gotten a little too much sun and she was running a fever and extra cuddly. Which, I don’t mind, the cuddling part, but it sure makes me sad with my Punky is sickly.

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If you don’t know what “Fever Bugs” are or you haven’t seen me mention them before, I swear by them! Great for infants, but Punky is also too wiggly for a thermometer and far too impatient. She picks the bug, knows it stays on her head and Mommy can check it anytime she needs to up to 48 hours as long as it doesn’t get pulled off or wet. You can order them online or go to Walgreens, its the only place I have found them in a retail store.

All my Must-Have mommy items for those of you who are expecting or TTC’ing. Total lifesavers and if I was coming to your baby shower you would get one!

 

She was better by the time we made it to the party yesterday, full of sugar highs and bubbles. We had a great time yesterday and while I am not going to work today, for other health reasons related to Kim, we had a pretty good weekend.

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Next major event will be Papa/Uncle Day. I’m still trying to figure out what I will be doing for that, but we will surely have a great big celebration of all the great and wonderful men in Punky’s life!

18/52 – Bonds That Are UnBreakable

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No words can ever express what this picture means to me. She’s so precious to me. And, I am absolutely in love with everything about her.

This last couple days have been trying. Miss Punky has what the doctors are calling “Chronic Cough” which for the record, infuriates me to no end.

Get ready, this is a long ass story….

In December, I took her to the doctor for some coughing issues that were pretty persistent. They said she likely had something viral, gave her a breathing treatment and that’s when we adopted Sammy the Seal.

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In the beginning, as I have talked about before, Sammy was not the most well received new member of our family. In fact, Miss Punky decided, he needed to go! She was having none of it. Which put her Mommy on edge.

We finally got her to really like Sammy. So much so that she pets him while she gets her breathing treatments and tells him thank you when we are done.

We went back to the doctor’s office, at the beginning of April, and was told she had a double ear infection and that her lungs sounded good, but the cough – until she vomited – was likely because she had sinus drainage and she didn’t know how to cough it up, so she choked on it.

I went with it.

Well, Monday night, I went to sleep, ready to go to work in the morning. We had been pumping our kid full of Benadryl and Mucinex, just thinking she had a cold or the remnants of her ear infection.

Except, Monday night, she didn’t stop coughing. Kim had to come get me around 1:30 and ask if she could sleep in our bed. We aren’t much for co-sleeping, but the last time we did it, it really helped her not cough, because she laid on me – at an angle – and cuddled in.

She wasn’t in our room for more than 10 minutes before she coughed so hard, she puked on me. I got her out of bed, and we tried to get her drink something. We all know toddlers are notorious for not doing what you need them to do. So we thought, cold on her throat, from several hours of persistent coughing, maybe a Popsicle?

She enjoyed it until she coughed so hard to throw that up too.

If you are keeping count, that’s three times in a few hours. Once in her bed, once in my bed, and once on our couch. She had thrown up and it didn’t look like there was any stopping of her cough in sight.

We made the decision to take her to the ER around 2AM. I had to be at work at 7AM, let me tell you how thrilled I was about this idea. But, it just broke my heart to see her coughing til she turned red and her little body shaking, gagging to the point of vomiting. On the way to the hospital, she coughed and coughed and puked again all over her jacket.

That was number four.

We got admitted, hung out in the waiting room and then they got us in the room. She was pretty well-behaved for a two year old, no sleep, and a sickness. She actually didn’t cough as much either. We would told when they put us in the room, there was one doctor and 4-5 people ahead of you. I just envisioned our good natured kid suddenly becoming a pain in the ass, the longer we had to be there.

But she didn’t. Not really.

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Kim taught her a new song and sent her out in the hallway to sing it! “Doctor, Doctor – Gimme the news!” So she danced around the room, singing pretty darn loudly that one phrase over and over around 2 hours in.

By 5AM, we finally saw the doctor. He said what everyone has been saying. Her lungs sound good, she’s not got a fever and while her throat was red and raw (DUH), she seemed fine. It was likely just a viral thing or nasal drainage.

For crying out loud, it took everything in me not to punch that man in the throat.

However, during the examination, she coughed so hard she puked on the doctor, all over the sheet on their bed, and all down my leg. Kim proceeded to pick her up to comfort and she puked on Kim’s arm.

That’s number 5 and 6.

He saved himself by saying they would do a chest x-ray, a breathing treatment and a round of steroids. Ok. So, we haven’t done 2 out of 3. No punching in the throat.

He left for another round of whatever, a half hour later an x-ray tech came in with a portable x-ray machine, sent one of us out of the room (me) while the other held our kid to get her picture taken, which by the way was not a fun thing to listen to outside in the hallway.

Chest x-ray done, in came the nurse with steroids, who by the way, decided she didn’t think I was telling the truth when I said Punky would take the medicine in a syringe no problem. Instead, she tried to rush it and force her to swallow, which made her spit it everywhere.

After steroids, Punky started to get a little cranky and temperamental. I couldn’t blame her, by that time is was nearly 6AM and my alarm for work had even gone off on my phone.

The respiratory guy came in to give her a breath treatment and he went to put the mask on her face and said, “Where Sammy?”

You know, I never thought I would lie to my kid as much as I do to make her do things that are good for her. We told her that the Respiratory guy name Dave, that’s what we will call him, I don’t know his real name, was sent by Sammy to give her the medicine, because he was at home sleeping, but Dave was a real good friend of Sammy’s.

Dave was pretty impressed when she let him put that mask on and didn’t move at all to take it off through the entire treatment. I’m thinking he doesn’t see it that much with toddlers, and it took a lot of work for us to condition her to them, so not having the seal there, I was sure would cause a tantrum.

Breathing treatment done, doctor came in and said, “It’s probably viral. Nasal drainage and everything looks good. We can’t take the cough away, but here’s some steroids, if it doesn’t get better, call her pediatrician.”

Cue eye-roll here.

So, we headed home, with a cranky and very tired toddler and of course, overly exhausted mamas. By the time we got home it was 7:30AM. I had to call in to work, just so Kim could sleep and maybe I could get some sleep when we situated Punky.

Except, Punky falling asleep didn’t go as smoothly as we thought it would. I had imagined the steroids would be a miracle cure and we could give her Benadryl on the recommendation of the ER doc and lay her down. She laid down no problem.

Less than 10 minutes into it, we heard her coughing, then gagging, crying from frustration because she just wanted to sleep, and then finally, number 7 vomit came all over her bed.

Being that we don’t have a washer and dryer in our apartment, and we were just too tired to do the laundry, I pulled Punky onto the couch with me, turned the fan on, because we were both pretty warm and tried to get her comfortable.

At one point, she was so frustrated with the cough that wouldn’t go away that she would cry and scream and cough harder and then puked again, number 8.

In case you were curious, all the vomit, was more liquid than anything of substance, but every time she puked, she got more upset, and in turn made herself puke more. At this point, Kim had fallen asleep in the bedroom, and I was sitting on our living room floor with a toddler in only her diaper and we were crying at each other.

She puked on me again, while we sat there. Number 9 of the evening.

I just felt so helpless. This kid was coughing so hard, she was so tired, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to fix it. No doctors were telling me anything new. No doctors were HELPING my kid. I couldn’t HELP my kid. I could just sit there and hold her, listen to her body rattle as she coughed and feel her tiny body shake.

It was one of my most scary nights/mornings ever. Of course, it didn’t help that I hadn’t had any sleep.

We did this until around 9AM, and then we finally fell asleep on the couch, but really, Punky slept uninterrupted for maybe 10 minutes and then she would cough for another 10 minutes. Until about 11AM, when she found the energy to get up and play, which meant Mommy was getting up too.

Needless to say, she was tired, but not coughing. She came to me at 1PM to tell me she wanted to get in her bed. I gladly put her in her bed.

She slept cough free through the nap, the rest of the evening, and the night, until this morning. Now, she’s only coughing if she’s crying or throwing a tantrum. Or if she gets too overly active – but her cough isn’t as dry, maybe the steroids are doing the trick.

If not, it’s off to the pediatrician to see if she needs to be treated for asthma or an allergy of some sort. I’m hoping that isn’t necessary.

So, we had one hell of a ride so far with this “Chronic Cough” and it’s so frustrating to hear the same thing over and over. It’s even more frustrating to be told the same thing and be charged thousands of dollars that we don’t have for treatments and doctor’s visits to hear the same thing over and over.

Hopefully, this is it. I am not very optimistic, seriously, I’m just not. But, hopefully. For my kiddo’s sake, because I know she was miserable and I hope I never have to cry with her on the floor again like that.

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Sickly Mommy and a 15/52 picture

So, I’ve been literally voiceless for going on three days. I was feeling better in the middle of the night last night, but woke up with such a heavy head that I nearly got in an accident taking Punky to school this morning. I figured it best not to go to work again – albeit – unpaid. This is going to suck for a finances, for sure.

Speaking of finances, we are looking for a new place to live, this apartment building, we have been living in for nearly 10 years or a little less, has decided to up my rental fees and late fees without my knowledge – just all of a sudden. Like I wasn’t already struggling to pay the rent in the first place.

So, I’ve been looking on Craigslist for a little duplex or town home to rent, we don’t really need much, but where we are living right now – they pay utilities, so it’s hard to beat in the financial department when it comes to having to pay my own utilities again. Ugh. It’s been ages since I’ve had to add that expense on top of everything else.

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In other news, we got Punky’s preschool picture proofs back and I can’t decide which one I like. I thought I liked the one of her on the right, because she’s looking at the camera, but then Kim pointed out she looks like she might want to eat my liver (aka: evil shitface) in that picture. So, then I thought, well, I like the one on the left too – but I just can’t decide.

Maybe I will just get both. Like – really, I kind of wish I had more to choose from than these two. They look so similar, but of course, our daughter, can’t be bothered with pictures when I’m paying someone to take them!

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Unrelated to anything at all – I hate the weather in the Midwest. For real – we had a shorts and tank top day and then two days later, we had snow. Which is likely why I am now feeling so crummy.

While at my vendor fair for my Etsy shop, I bought Miss Punky a ‘peashooter’ and a bunch of water beads. I didn’t even know these things existed, but boy are they great to shoot at each other. Punky very much enjoys shooting me and the door and in general just throwing them everywhere.

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We are going over to Grammy’s house to dye Easter eggs tonight and my Mama is coming to visit us on Easter Sunday. Which means, I really do need to kick this sickness out of my body – or I am going to be absolutely no fun at all!

14/52 – Discovering a Nurturing Side

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So my little one has been carrying around two very important babies lately. They both had the name “Ga Ga – Goo Goo” until just a few days ago. Now they are Molly on top and Shell on the Bottom.

That sling there, is a makeshift baby carrier out of my infinity scarf, because I can’t ever get those scarves to look right on me. So I put them to better use.

She has twins and she loves them so much, she popped them into the carrier and waddled around the apartment with them.

This week, I got a wisdom tooth out, and man have I been in some pain for the last two days. I have been hopped up on pain meds and Miss Punky has been (even if she bumps my sore cheek) trying her best to take care of me. Kisses and pets on the face come with the nurturing side of our little one.

Its refreshing and sweet.

We are exploring all the ways our darling toddler emerges into her personality. I love it. I love watching it.

We went to another little friend’s birthday party and it was a ‘dress up’ and be fancy toddler dance party. I picked up a cute little dress at a consignment shop and she looked damn cute in it!

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Her favorite part of going to other kids’ houses is to play with their toys, LOL.

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We took some time to relax and decompress together, which makes me smile so big.

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We also got her some new jammies. They are freaking adorable!

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10/52 – Exploring the Sandbox

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After I picked Miss Punky up from school today, it was about 5:30 and it was pretty nice outside. No wind, not too hot, not too cold, so I decided it was the perfect time to get her to the park for a bit. No sooner did we get our feet in the sand than the rain came sprinkling in.

We didn’t get to play long, but it was enough for her to know that she likes sand! We will be going back on Thursday after school again.