I’m Offended. And If My Offense Bothers You. Delete Me.

Here’s your warning.

I have officially lost my filter.


My Facebook news feed has this article on display for me to see.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, whatever. But, let’s get real and stop thinking  you know what goes on in a world you know nothing about.

Frankly, as a gay woman, I’m offended. What Michael Sam represents IS something heroic to a lot of gay young men and women who think they are worthless. Who are told they aren’t going to amount  to anything. Who are told that the only way they can be seen as normal is to HIDE who they are.

You may think I exaggerate. You can think that’s not the time we still live in. But, you would be mistaken. Because you don’t live it.

Don’t say its not brave to stand up and be who you are, when in this society, it’s still unacceptable for me to get married in my own state. It is not appropriate to dismiss one person because he wants to be himself in the world. He’s a public figure, who doesn’t want to hide aspects of his life.

You don’t have to hide parts of yourself, for fear of ridicule, hateful comments and possible injury or death (depending on the person you come in contact with.)

They say we (ie: the gays) are all up in arms about our sexuality and wanting what we do in the bedroom to be no one’s business. That’s still true. What we do or what you do in the bedroom IS no one’s business.

But you need to separate what goes on in the bedroom from being gay.

BEING GAY isn’t about what I do in the bedroom.

Separate that shit for crying out loud.

BEING GAY is loving another woman for me. In today’s society, people are still getting called out and even killed for that. KILLED for being GAY. Their rights, my rights, are STILL being taken away.

But its YOU and those who make homophobic, hurtful comments who are being persecuted? Really? Let’s get real for a minute for fucks sake. It’s your religion that’s being attacked. Its your morals and your beliefs being attacked. Its your opinion being attacked.

Actually. Let me break it down for you.

It’s your asinine need to spread those hurtful, hateful comments that is being attacked. Feel however you want. Believe whatever you want. The minute you voice it, you are open for whatever backlash comes your way! Don’t pretend YOU are the victim when it reigns negativity down on you when you treat another human being like a second class person.

Would you like those comments said about you? Any of them? If they were about straight people, would you still say its ridiculous? Would you still say its “not that big of a deal”?

You can be ‘fine with gays’. You can say “whatever makes you happy, whatever” But, then supporting something like this article completely contradicts. It’s hurtful to people who ACTUALLY live in the world as a gay person.

Until it effects you, you don’t get the right to decide what’s actually hurtful to those of us who are effected by it!

  • Do you get glares when you walk down the street holding hands with your husband?
  • Do you have people ask if you are your child’s REAL mother?
  • Do you constantly have to explain to people why you wear a ring, but you aren’t actually married?

So, please let’s not get on the topic of what Michael Sam is doing isn’t brave. Did he – perhaps – come out on National TV? So what. What if he did. That’s a brave thing to do, in a world where there are still people out there who want him stoned to death. People who stand out – loud and proud and proclaim judgement on him, until they get all butt hurt when they are called out for being the bigot they are.

Let’s stop for a moment and really look at what it says about you as a person when you say one thing and then support another. Look I’m all for freedom of speech. I’m all for your own damn opinion. I’m also all for the consequences that come with having backlash from an unfavorable opinion.

If you say something unfavorable, hypocritical, racist, homophobic, sexist, whatever – you know you are going to offend someone. Don’t fucking get all up in arms and pretend YOU are the victim, when you said the things you said, knowing and most likely, with the clear intention of offending and hurting someone.

I am one who can generally, agree to disagree. You love God? Cool, I don’t, but that’s no biggie. You breastfeed your kid til their three? I think it’s a little strange, but more power to ya! You voted against ACA? I don’t understand why free birth control is a bad thing, but stand proud, sir!

Look, I’m not being sarcastic. But, I also go out of my way to think about the people who are reading and having to react to the things I put out in the world. I don’t intentionally put it out to hurt someone, to judge someone.

Until today. Damnit. Today I don’t care what you think. I don’t care who’s reading and I don’t care if you are offended. Be offended.

If you are offended, I am offended by you.

You don’t like what Michael Sam is doing. That’s fine. Don’t attack his character. Don’t attack his motives. Don’t discount the fact that to a lot of people – an ENTIRE group of people, this is a real thing. AND it’s a big deal.

But to people who have all rights afforded to them, taking them for granted – and don’t think about other people’s rights being violated, with-held and ridiculed – its just another day in the NFL. Well, I don’t like football. I don’t care about football. Its not about football. It’s about the exposure that this brings to people like me.

To families like MINE. Its a very real BIG DEAL.

To the gay youth, to those who feel like they aren’t going to amount to anything if anyone finds out their gay.


The normalcy, the real idea that someday, this won’t need to be a media spectacle.

You know, I’m also annoyed that Michael Sam’s story has become a spectacle. But frankly, its not HIS fault. Its our society’s fault that this has been an issue in the first place – so when something positive comes of it, it blows up into a media circus.

Is the circus ok? No! I don’t like it anymore than anyone else.

But it’s not about Michael Sam’s sex life. It’s about the fact that he is the FIRST man in the NFL to say, “Hey, this is who I am. I love a man and we have a life together. That’s a part of me.”

Its not flaunting it, it’s not making a big deal. It’s sharing a part of his life. Being GAY isn’t about sex. Its about who you love and how you love. Period. When he’s interviewed about his hobbies and his training and his family – his partner, his love is going to come up. Why not be up front about it?! Instead people are asking him to hide a very large part of who he is. A very large part of his life.

He’s just being who he is. He’s being normal and the media took it to a much higher place. But don’t discount the fact that this is big news. This is an acceptance that hasn’t been seen before in the NFL – and in a community where the people are shunned and not accepted, it is a VERY big DEAL.

So, yes. I’m offended. Not because you support someone’s right to freedom of speech. I’m offended because you support people’s hurtful comments that, while you may not think effect me, and only effect some gay black man in the NFL.

It very much effects me. Maybe you didn’t know. Now you do.

If you think this post is about you, well , it probably is.

If you have something to say about any of it, say it to me, instead of hiding behind the internet and slamming some man you don’t even know!