21/52: Tired, Stressed Out and Broke – These Are The Days Of Our Lives

With each passing day, I’m starting to feel like we are drowning just a little further into the abyss of stress. The full weight is felt on my shoulders, crushing me to the brink of insanity.

Miss Punky has become increasingly more contrary. She’s less than polite lately – almost as if she’s completely forgotten the words “Please” and “Thank You”. She’s up at all hours of the night again, she woke me up at 3AM, 5AM, and then at 7AM. She hadn’t had a BM for three days and was running a 103 temperature yesterday, so silly me, I got up each time.

All she wanted was cuddles and few minutes of rocking before she was out again. But, she screamed like she was in pain. She was crying like she was scared. She broke my heart in a way she hadn’t when she was little and we did the crying it out to start – and believe me, standing outside the closed door while your baby is ‘crying it out’ is its own kind of heartbreak!

We are the type of parents who lay her down in her room, give kisses/hugs/I love yous and when the door is shut, for the most part, unless she’s sick, we don’t open the door. It’s the best way we were able to train her to sleep and it really helped all of us get more sleep when she was an infant. (And I credit crying it out to our little one being a champion sleeper) Suddenly, she’s less of a champion and I’m more of a coddler as she gets older!

With all the health stuff going on with Kim – we just really decided that perhaps potty training isn’t going to happen right now. We tried for a day and a half, but seriously, it wasn’t going as I would have liked. Punky is interested, she loves wearing panties and she loves getting stickers for her chart.

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But, we can’t be consistent right now. Its another stressor on Kim and I that we just can’t handle any more on our plates. So, for now, we wait. We continue with pull-ups and helping her be vocal on the need and want to go potty.

I’m starting to feel like we are “less than” parents though. She’s so interested and she really is taking it to it when prompted. We just … our routine is off, our days are off. I’m taking off work more than normal to take Kim to doctor’s appointments or to take care of Punky when Kim is feeling less than able to care for her. Kim and Punky spend more time than normal outside of our house, at my mother-in-law’s house which isn’t our house which can make potty training difficult right now.

Until we get all the tests run and figure out everything we need to figure out for Kim, health-wise, we just don’t need to take on something else. Even if I sometimes feel like we are delaying Punky’s development somehow.

My therapist says we need some time. We need more support. My therapist is telling me that I need more support. We aren’t really the type of people to ask someone to take our kid for a day or a weekend. Ugh.

This last few weeks have been tough. Someone suggested that I blog the good, the bad, the not too ugly – so well, I’m doing that. Its depressing, complaining and overly not cute at all! I just hope with the doctor’s appointments we have tomorrow and next week will help us sort out what we are looking at with Kim’s health.

Then maybe some of this stress will go away and we will dig ourselves out of this hole and float to the top of this ocean I’m drowning in right now!

Just wish us luck, send us some positive thoughts, calming vibes, whatever to help my nerves be less shot and my attitude be less than snarky!