A Great Big Impromptu Announcement

At approximately 1:40pm we found out the very county that we live in was issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples at 2:00pm. Now, the Missouri ban was put in place in 2004 and put into our Constitution. Ya know, ridiculous. Right? So, St. Louis has been issuing marriage licenses. And today, my county announced their own intentions to issue marriage licenses in our two court houses; in downtown KC and then in the adorning town to mine.

I called the office in that town to make sure. You can’t always believe the internet. And it was the hot topic of Facebook in Missouri friends and family on my timeline. But, there was no way I could vet the issue until I called the office personally. Besides, it wouldn’t help my anxiety disorder until I figured it out.

So, we looked at each other; Kim and I. There was NO plan. NO more waiting.

This was it. This was the time.

11 years later and a 2 year old later; we were getting married.

20 minutes or so later, we were doing this outside the courthouse:

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We got a nice and pretty new marriage license. We also had an all dressed up Punky holding both our hands. Singing about how she was so excited her Moms were getting married. However, for Punky, a marriage is where she gets to dance. A party where she gets to dance her heart out. She was sorely disappointed. She cried for a good 2 hours about wanting to get married. We tried to tell her we were getting married and we would have a party for her to dance at later. And we will.

She was not at all happy about that answer.

I told her she could help Mommy plan the wedding party. So she will help me plan the wedding party.

Instead, we had our fantastic friends and Punky’s godparents came over and we had a little wedding moment on Kim’s parents’ couch, in their living room. Punky’s godfather is ordained and he helped officially marry us. It was a no fuss event, with pretend sipping of champagne (except that I don’t drink and Kim doesn’t care for champagne). We took a few pictures and now, its official.

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We announced it on Facebook, made it “Facebook Official” and we have had nothing but love and support from both our family and friends. Its been nothing but excitement and overwhelming love and its the best possible outcome we could have asked for. I called my mom, to tell her – it’s her 21st wedding anniversary today! We got married on my mom’s wedding anniversary. Woah.

Kim and I had a very rough week this week. Its been, tough. Kim had a bit of an episode with her Bipolar disorder and it was emotional, scary, and made me worry that we would break – our rope, on a thin strand of fraying edges, would snap. But, looking at my little girl’s eyes and seeing them light up when she said “My moms are married!” made me remember that we have weathered a lot of storms in the 11 years we have been together.

It made me come to the conclusion, that no matter how much hard stuff comes up, we made the most beautiful thing in the world – we made Punky with our love. We went through a ton of tough stuff to make her. This episode, this scary, emotional, and hard episode is not our first rodeo – its not like it hadn’t happened before.

Besides, we never expected this ruling to happen so quickly. It wasn’t something I thought would happen in Missouri until the last of the states were called for marriage equality, so when it happened – out of the blue…. I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in fate. But, I do believe in instinct, and this felt right today. We have waited 11 years. That wait is over. They will appeal the decision, that is inevitable. It will happen – but it’s also inevitable that we will be married. We ARE married. And though we had a rough week…..

We are strong enough. And after 11 years, we are officially married. I am officially a MRS. and its strange and weird to think of myself as married. I’m a wife. Not just a mother. Not just a daughter. Not just a sister. I’m a wife…. well, shit just got real didn’t it?

Day 10: Christmas In The Park

I came home to a peanut butter M&M explosion on the couch. Seems our little one thought it would be fun to dump the bag on the couch and then munch on them. Oh well. So, I came home to a sugary kid.

We opened our envelope and she wasn’t as interested in it as usual, but she was very excited to go bye bye. It’s very rare we go bye bye in the middle of the week.

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She was super happy to get her socks and shoes on and put on her coat. She loves putting on her hood and it’s kind of cute that she can’t go anywhere without the hood placed on her head.  However, when we got up the stairs and to the door to the building, she was not really having it. She turned tail and tried to go back to our apartment door after the cold wind hit her face.

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We got her in the car and headed to the Christmas in the Park. It’s a park with nothing but a giant Christmas light show. They have all sorts of displays and I figured it would be something new and different for Punky. She seemed to enjoy sitting on her Mama’s lap and looking out the window of the car. She would say hi to the waving elf displays and point to the deer light displays jumping over the car.

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After the drive through the park and the pretty lights, we did have put her back into the car seat and she was not thrilled about this. It was very upsetting to her! She was not pleased to see the lights going away as we drove away from the park.

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We had to go to the grocery store – so we got her out in the grocery store and she got a book out of the deal. Pretty typical of an outing with Punky.

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So day 10 was definitely a success. She was very excited about the lights and it was fun for all!

Love is Love … Even 10 Years Later

I know I spend time talking about how marriage equality would do wonders for my family. How it negatively impacts my family and my daughter that my partner and I aren’t married.  Also, previously, I talked about how my work’s insurance would be changing and going to an IRS governed type plan. That it would affect my health insurance for K and how we would get her to her doctor’s appointments and pay for her myriad of prescriptions. It’s been a worry that’s been on my shoulders for quite some time. Because, K isn’t my ‘tax dependant’ because we can’t get married, she doesn’t qualify for my insurance.

It’s been tough, trying to figure out what we will do.

Then this happened:

All Legal Same-Sex Marriages Will Be Recognized for Federal Tax Purposes

I sent the article straight to my HR department and work and asked if she could please research how this will effect our new healthcare next year. I am very anxious to hear back. From what I am reading, and I could be very wrong, I’m tentatively hopeful, it could make K my tax dependant, which means she will qualify for my insurance!

I really hope that’s what it means.

What does that mean for K and I?

It means, 10  years into this relationship and 1 baby girl later, we are going to make a drive to Iowa and get married … legally! We are taking the next step to make it official. I always said i didn’t want to get married more than once, and I meant it. I wasn’t interested in having a “commitment ceremony”  when it didn’t mean anything other than our love and commitment to each other. We already  have that.

What we need is a legal marriage. It really does make a difference. People just don’t understand if they aren’t affected by it. I am over the moon by the way. I am excited to be ‘wife’ and not girlfriend, partner, blah blah. At this point, I’m not really as interested in the ceremony part as the legal part. I really hope my work is going to be able to recognize for healthcare, because that’s really the most important part of this!

I don’t have much to talk about other than this. We are making plans to get married and that’s a big deal. Once we have the paper to make it legal, we can have the ceremony that everyone gets. Punky will look adorable in a flower girl tutu!!

In the end, this little girl is going to have legally married parents.

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