In January, I took a leave of absence from my job with the prescription benefit manager I had been working at for 10 years. It was a culmination of all kinds of things, but in the last three years, I’ve been nothing but unhappy there. Workplace politics, past actions on my part to shape my reputation, and my lack of mobility to move up in the company contributed to that unhappiness. In the end, my anxiety became so bad that I dreaded going to work. I was also dreading starting over. I just couldn’t imagine it. I’d been in the same company for 10 years. I knew everyone. Everyone knew me. I was a senior, I was the go to for several projects, training, and well respected (usually).
What was I going to do if I quit this job and started over?!
Instead, I chose the leave of absence. It was supposed to be a way to help me sort through my anxiety and get over my ever growing need to throw up every time I walked through the door of my only real, adult job. It turned into a feeding ground for my newly diagnosed Agoraphobia.
I hid out on my couch and worked in my Etsy shop and made a little money, and felt like shit the entire time I wasn’t working. I wasn’t making money, we were living with my mother in law, and my bills were piling up.
But your leave should be paying you.
Yea, you would think so. But there was so stupid snafu with the doctor’s office and the leave office. The leave office had my maiden name in their records and the doctor’s office has my married name. The two didn’t add up and I can’t change it at the leave office without my SS card being changed. My SS card can’t be changed until the same sex marriage appeal is finalized in our state.
So. Nothing was ever done about my medical records and my leave closed itself out.
While I was wasting away in our house, or taking Miss Punky to play dates or the park, establishing a routine and discipline plan for her, I was looking for another job. I just couldn’t sit at home anymore. And … I couldn’t go back to where I came from.
In essence, the job I held for 10 years was the cause of the bulk of my declined mental state. There wasn’t a way for me to rectify that I would be fit to ever go back there.
So I found a new job. And I started on Monday.
It’s a 20-30 minute drive depending on the traffic. But, it’s worth it.
Maybe it’s because I’m a new employee and everything is shiny and new and wonderful, but it would seem that this place is the right fit for me. 8-12 weeks of training, compared to the 4 weeks of training I got in my previous job. Doing similar work, except instead of prescription, I will be fielding calls for medical questions.
The facility is small and it’s only open Monday through Friday which means I will have weekends off for the first time in nearly 10 years. Also, while I was working til midnight in my previous job, I will be working til the latest 8PM.
The atmosphere of this place is so engaged and energetic. I can’t get over the fact that everyone is so smiley and friendly and helpful. I’ve not heard any disparaging remarks about the calls they take in the break room, no obnoxiously dressed people. The bathrooms are clean and always stocked with toilet paper. (All these things I didn’t have before).
I do have two three complaints. I have to dress business casual and I am used to jeans. The drive is a bit much, but I finally made it there and back without my GPS yesterday, on my third day of work. AND I don’t get to get up with Punky in the morning. I didn’t think I would be so sad about leaving her again, I always said “I’m a working mom for a reason” but the last few months of being a stay at home mom has strengthened our bond and really made me miss being home with her.
My brakes were going out and so it was lucky that Punky’s godfather helped save the day and help fix the brakes for me. Since I couldn’t make any sudden stops without sliding into a grinding stop, it was very difficult for me to drive to work in traffic in the morning and afternoon. Especially since I was driving during a typical rush hour type traffic. And I was driving with anxiety of cars. So thank goodness for the awesomeness of her godfather and my very best friend who is his wife.
As for the dress code, it’s not what I’m used to, but I have been making due with ridiculous shoes!
And yesterday I got to hang out with my little miss Punky when I was getting ready for work yesterday morning. She caught me while I was putting on my make-up (another thing I’m not used to) and wanted to follow me around the house. It made my getting ready for work much harder. But this face is just too cute to pass up.
So all is well in the work department. I feel lighter and my emotional state feels so much more stable.