My baby girl has had what I like to think of as a spontaneous fever outbreak. It’s the third full day and she goes from 103-104 degree temp, Tylenol, fever breaks for a few hours and then back again. She’s kicked me out of my sleeping place twice this week, finally sleeping with Mama in her bed last night.
When her fever is down, she’s happy, running, singing even. Serenading me on the fire place which has become her stage. When she’s hot, she burns me through her clothes and mine. So much so that I get scared. I’m nervous. But, the pediatrician’s office says there’s nothing they can do for her if her fever breaks – so just keep her comfortable and make sure she drinks plenty of fluids.
She’s been drinking thank goodness.
Thank the person who made the chew-able Tylenol, my daughter hates, but will actually take – opposed to the liquid, she refuses.
This Mommy is at her wits end. When today was a full day of whining, crying, SCREAMING which all resulted in a migraine for me. One like I haven’t had in a while. The kind that made me what to vomit. Need of a dark room and sobbing in the guilt I felt for being so frustrated with her for being sick.
Like it’s her fault.
Shit, I know its not her fault.
She’s sick. She’s irritable. She hit me in the face. I put her bed, I was at the end of my rope. I lost my compassion. I lost my cool. And I felt terrible.
I took a nap, I cleaned up my act and I figured shit out.
She fell asleep again, tonight, where she has been on and off for three days. On her Doc McStuffins couch in front of a British cat from Netflix. I can’t fix her. I don’t know what else to do, but hold her and cuddle her and kiss her burning cheeks.
I’m tired. I’m worried. I’m overwhelmed.
I carried her to bed tonight, tucked her in and took off pants to try and cool her off.
I did my best to coax her into taking medicine she hates, pushing it back into her mouth when she spit it out. Waiting for it to dissolve.
It’s been a hellish week. With no end in sight. I thought – I hoped – she was better this afternoon, but the fever came back.
My sweet girl is sick and it’s breaking my heart. I can’t fix it. I can’t help her. All I can do is watch her be miserable.
And that’s just not the way I like to spend my days.