Unexpected Stay at Home Mom

I haven’t actually left my job, but my anxiety has gotten so bad that I have taken out a personal leave from work. It’s paid – sort of. I get paid in full until my paid time runs out and then they will pay me 60% of my pay. It’s not the most ideal situation, but it’s something. I guess, if I’m going to have a complete and utter mental break, it’s good to have the support of family.

My sister-in-law just got me on with a company to do some work from home stuff. So far, it’s pretty good and it’s been getting me out of the house, on my own terms. Its been opening up my horizons and in the process, I get access to some great quality, organic, all natural products. I never really cared about being “green” or “organic” or whatever, but if it’s going to help me earn some income and stay at home – well we do what we have to do.

I know that the east side of the country has FEET of snow, that’s nuts. We got a few inches recently. Our first REAL snow finally. Miss Punky has been itching to really get her hands in the snow. Really get in there and make snow angels. Mostly, snow angels. We had a small snow and we went out about a month ago, but it didn’t stay around and it wasn’t any real accumulation to do anything with.

So yesterday, she got a great little with her cousins in the snow.

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I always thought that I wouldn’t want to be a stay at home mom. That I just wouldn’t be cut out for it. And working was my solace. I was not a stay at home mom for a reason. Being home drove me nuts. But, I find lately, I can’t get myself to leave her side. It’s emotional. And I love that I can see all the things she’s doing. I can be involved in all her new creations. Her imagination.

Just last night we had a rousing game of Bathtub Drive Thru.

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So, this is a turn in my story, I didn’t expect. And I do plan to go back to work – after I can get myself back on track. But, who knows, being at home has helped me feel better, has calmed my anxiety, perhaps it’s the right move to make. Everything is up in the air, but so far, I’m enjoying the moments I have with her, the snuggles, the random kisses. And the stories, all the stories and songs she share with me.

I am enjoying not missing a thing.

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9 thoughts on “Unexpected Stay at Home Mom

  1. You know that my anxiety has kept me at home too. I know how debilitating it can be. I am glad you’re finding some balance at home, and have other options for work too. Miss Punky is the cutest drive thru window gal I’ve ever seen!

  2. I don’t blame you at all for having lots of different (maybe even seemingly conflicting) feelings about staying at home. It sounds like you are able to see the bright side, regardless and for that I’m glad. I, too, have never felt like I’d be a good stay at home Mom, but this term I took time off from school and have spent a lot more time with Olivia. In turn, I’ve started to feel some grief about ramping back up next term. It has been so nice to spend so much quality time with her and I know I’m going to miss it a lot 😦

  3. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take care of yourself. If staying home with Punky is the right thing for you to get better and feel “safe” and not so anxious, then that is what needs to happen right now. Money isn’t really that important in the grand scheme of things, because you can have all the money in the world and jump off a bridge tomorrow and what good will that do ya? I’m glad your staying home and taking care of you, it’s a smart decision.

  4. Flair up in mental health are never easy. It is good that you are traversing the waters as best you can. I always go with, any progress IS progress. Keep moving and take time for you. Unexpected or not, embrace your new role as a stay at home mom. Best of luck, hang in there!!!

  5. Take care of yourself! When I was home a few months ago for extended maternity and medical leave, I found that I loved being a stay-at-home mom way more than I ever expected as well. Enjoy this time with Punky!

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