It’s my birthday week.
Yes, that’s right. Its my birthday WEEK. The week in which we celebrate the awesomeness that is me.
Usually, I’m really bad at the “What do you want for your birthday?” question. Because I think about it all year, but never write it down. And when it comes time to actually cough up the list, I get all shy about it.
I mean, really. My birthday is just another day.
Not according to some people. And my being 30 is apparently an even bigger deal than I ever knew.
Cue three very awesome friends who will be taking me – just me – to a cabin somewhere on a lake or something. For a girls’ weekend.
Of course, as a kid, I would have thought of that as a ‘sleepover’, as an adult, I’m not really sure what that means. I mean, what do four adult women do in a cabin on a lake for an entire weekend.
No kids, no significant others, and no real responsibility?
I have no idea. But boy am I looking forward to it!
What else would make my birthday week awesome?
A Fully Potty Trained Toddler
No, we haven’t actually started potty training, but is it too much to ask that she magically just start using the toilet? I don’t think this is an unreasonable request. The Birthday Fairy can wave a wand, make the Pull-Ups disappear and the wipes no longer needed for dirty butts and only dirty hands and faces!
Take A Bath Without My Own Personal Cheering Section Outside the Closed Door
I swear, the minute I start to strip my clothes off for a ‘quick shower’, I am immediately assaulted by the banging of the door. “MOMMY, mommy, mom, mom, mom, Mommy? Mommy. Mom. Hi Mom! Mommy! Mommy I come In? Mommy!!”
One time, I made the mistake of leaving the door slightly cracked, so she could still hear me from behind the shower curtain. What actually happened? She tried to climb into the shower with her clothes on.
So, my request is this: A well made, very sturdy bathtub reading device in which I can place my Nook. I probably won’t be reading. I will probably be watching an episode of House M.D. or Mortified Nation, but I will be relaxing in a bubbly bath of quiet solitude that doesn’t involve a fully clothed toddler trying to crawl back inside of me, just to be THAT. CLOSE.
A Training Manual For Toddler Terrorists
Who doesn’t want a toddler handbook? Jeebs. I didn’t get a newborn manual when I gave birth and believe me, when your hoo-ha gets that big … a manual should come out too.
I just came across this fantastic blog, Honest Toddler. Now, I must have the book. Because who better to help me be the best mommy ever than a toddler who has all the secrets and is skillfully sharing them with me. I want inside my toddler’s brain. This is the next best thing.
I will be appeased with the Nook Book version. A B&N Gift Card is acceptable.
A Free Pass From Escalations At Work. All Week.
Look, I will take stupid over irate any day. Why? Because stupid doesn’t understand logic, so you can convince them … 9 times out of 10 that you are correct. Irate customers don’t have a way to process logic. Because they are irrational.
The whole purpose of my job is the help the front line customer service representatives with their questions and hard to find answers. The other very large part of my day is taking over escalated callers and doing my best to either, make them understand the reason for the NO or come to a solution that is acceptable for the caller.
I requesting no calls like this … All Week. I am requesting that we get me a direct line to transfer these people to, OR I will settle for them bypassing me altogether.
A Cuddle on the Couch With My Boo
We have three seasons of Game of Thrones collecting dust that we could totally be catching up on. Or perhaps that Catching Fire DVD that we got, but never actually put in.
You see, Kim and I are pretty much keep to yourself kind of people. When Punky goes to bed, we are off doing our own things. The invention of Netflix Lists has literally saved our relationship. Now, we can watch our shows, even the same shows, at our own pace.
However, it does make quality time a little hard to come by. I’d love to just sit on the couch with my boo and cuddle in front of the TV. Just watch a little Netflix or a DVD or seven. I would settle for one WHOLE season or three of a series we both have been waiting to watch on Netflix too. Hint. Hint.
Cool Gadgets For My Fast Fleeing Memory
All joking aside … this shit is important!
The two things I am constantly losing. My keys and my phone. And to top it all off, because I can’t be on my phone at work, my phone is generally on silent or vibrate ALL. THE. TIME. Which makes finding it very difficult. Luckily it lights up when it rings.
I don’t have any tricks for my keys though. I just throw them in random places, it drives Kim crazy. Sometimes they are in my pockets, some times in my purse, and sometimes on a bookshelf or a kitchen table and one time … I think this was Punky’s fault, but I found them in my shoe. *She’s obsessed with my shoes*
So, cool gadgets. You can never go wrong with cool gadgets.
Speaking of Gadgets….
With all the clipart I hoard for my Etsy Shop – I really should be in a support group. Some sort of “Clip Art Anonymous”. If they don’t have something like that set up, I would really suggest they making one.
In the meantime, it would be really sad if my laptop died and all my templates and clipart was lost. Thus, this is necessary! 1 TB (that’s Terabyte) Portable External Hard Drive. Fits in my hand and portable. What more could a geeky electronics clipart hoarder ask for?
Not much, I tell you!
The Best Present Is For My Tummy
My most favorite dessert is peach cobbler and it’s been ages since I have eaten it. I love the edges the best, so that’s why a small pan will do. Oh, and the size would be perfect for a one person serving so I don’t have to share.
Oh, I have a toddler, so she will probably get a bite, but after that, I want my dessert to myself. Peach cobbler.
My Grandma Dorothy used to make the best peach cobbler in the whole universe. It was so good, I could literally eat the whole thing myself if my mom didn’t step in and stop that tummy ache from happening. Of all the sweets in the world – more than cake, more than pies, more than cupcakes, a Peach Cobbler will delight.
A Pocket of Personal Space. Just For Me.
Oh man. This one…. Its a must. Can someone please advise my dear sweet toddler in the concept of personal space? I think that same Birthday Fairy needs to give me a magnetic field that repels the little fingers and appendages that much be touching me. AT. ALL. TIMES.
Look, I’m all for cuddling. I love a good hug and smooch with the kiddo. But, sometimes, when she sits directly, not not exactly right on top of me, it really does make me a little claustrophobic!
Can we please – even just for the week – if I put her on the opposite side of the couch, she can’t sneakily find a way to put a toe on my knee. Just a toe. Nothing else. Or her nose touching my arm. Or something. Her breath breathing the same air is mine. Straight from my mouth.
In an effort to get back inside, this kid is literally ON. TOP. OF. ME. When I pushed her out, I lost all personal space. I’d like to have it back – even just temporarily!
There you have it.
The Ultimate 30th Birthday List.