19/52 – Learning Life Skills

My birthday is Thursday and I’m leaving this sweet bundle of toddler joy (whining and all) home with her Mama for the weekend!

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She was brushing her hair before school. We are leaning all sorts of new things. She wants to put her own socks on, put her own shirt on. She wants to brush her hair and her teeth all by herself. We are learning patience, while letting her learn independence.

My friends are taking me on a nice weekend away and while I’m feeling sad that I’m leaving her behind – I’m also stoked to get – probably the best present ever – time to myself to relax and recharge!

Happy 30th birthday to me in just 2 days. When those 2 days are over, I will be headed out for my very anticipated and exciting vacation away.

I really have to thank my friends for the idea and for taking me  – but most importantly, I have to thank Kim for stepping up and really going out of her way to be cool with me leaving her with our bundle of toddler awesomeness for an entire weekend alone!!

I’m sure they will bond or kill each other by the time I get home. I’m not sure who I would put my money on – but I’m grateful anyway! I am super excited – COME ON FRIDAY.

The Ultimate 30th Birthday Wish List

It’s my birthday week.

Yes, that’s right. Its my birthday WEEK. The week in which we celebrate the awesomeness that is me.

Usually, I’m really bad at the “What do you want for your birthday?” question. Because I think about it all year, but never write it down. And when it comes time to actually cough up the list, I get all shy about it.

I mean, really. My birthday is just another day.

Not according to some people. And my being 30 is apparently an even bigger deal than I ever knew.

Cue three very awesome friends who will be taking me – just me – to a cabin somewhere on a lake or something. For a girls’ weekend.

Of course, as a kid, I would have thought of that as a ‘sleepover’, as an adult, I’m not really sure what that means. I mean, what do four adult women do in a cabin on a lake for an entire weekend.

No kids, no significant others, and no real responsibility?

I have no idea. But boy am I looking forward to it!

What else would make my birthday week awesome?

A Fully Potty Trained Toddler

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No, we haven’t actually started potty training, but is it too much to ask that she magically just start using the toilet? I don’t think this is an unreasonable request. The Birthday Fairy can wave a wand, make the Pull-Ups disappear and the wipes no longer needed for dirty butts and only dirty hands and faces!

Take A Bath Without My Own Personal Cheering Section Outside the Closed Door

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I swear, the minute I start to strip my clothes off for a ‘quick shower’, I am immediately assaulted by the banging of the door. “MOMMY, mommy, mom, mom, mom, Mommy? Mommy. Mom. Hi Mom! Mommy! Mommy I come In? Mommy!!”

One time, I made the mistake of leaving the door slightly cracked, so she could still hear me from behind the shower curtain. What actually happened? She tried to climb into the shower with her clothes on.

So, my request is this: A well made, very sturdy bathtub reading device in which I can place my Nook. I probably won’t be reading. I will probably be watching an episode of House M.D. or Mortified Nation, but I will be relaxing in a bubbly bath of quiet solitude that doesn’t involve a fully clothed toddler trying to crawl back inside of me, just to be THAT. CLOSE.

A Training Manual For Toddler Terrorists

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Who doesn’t want a toddler handbook? Jeebs. I didn’t get a newborn manual when I gave birth and believe me, when your hoo-ha gets that big … a manual should come out too.

I just came across this fantastic blog, Honest Toddler. Now, I must have the book. Because who better to help me be the best mommy ever than a toddler who has all the secrets and is skillfully sharing them with me. I want inside my toddler’s brain. This is the next best thing.

I will be appeased with the Nook Book version. A B&N Gift Card is acceptable.

A Free Pass From Escalations At Work. All Week.

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Look, I will take stupid over irate any day. Why? Because stupid doesn’t understand logic, so you can convince them … 9 times out of 10 that you are correct. Irate customers don’t have a way to process logic. Because they are irrational.

The whole purpose of my job is the help the front line customer service representatives with their questions and hard to find answers. The other very large part of my day is taking over escalated callers and doing my best to either, make them understand the reason for the NO or come to a solution that is acceptable for the caller.

This is generally how it goes. 

I requesting no calls like this … All Week. I am requesting that we get me a direct line to transfer these people to, OR I will settle for them bypassing me altogether.

K? Thanks!

A Cuddle on the Couch With My Boo

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We have three seasons of Game of Thrones collecting dust that we could totally be catching up on. Or perhaps that Catching Fire DVD that we got, but never actually put in.

You see, Kim and I are pretty much keep to yourself kind of people. When Punky goes to bed, we are off doing our own things. The invention of Netflix Lists has literally saved our relationship. Now, we can watch our shows, even the same shows, at our own pace.

However, it does make quality time a little hard to come by. I’d love to just sit on the couch with my boo and cuddle in front of the TV. Just watch a little Netflix or a DVD or seven.  I would settle for one WHOLE season or three of a series we both have been waiting to watch on Netflix too. Hint. Hint.

Cool Gadgets For My Fast Fleeing Memory

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All joking aside … this shit is important!

The two things I am constantly losing. My keys and my phone. And to top it all off, because I can’t be on my phone at work, my phone is generally on silent or vibrate ALL. THE. TIME. Which makes finding it very difficult. Luckily it lights up when it rings.

I don’t have any tricks for my keys though. I just throw them in random places, it drives Kim crazy. Sometimes they are in my pockets, some times in my purse, and sometimes on a bookshelf or a kitchen table and one time … I think this was Punky’s fault, but I found them in my shoe. *She’s obsessed with my shoes*

So, cool gadgets. You can never go wrong with cool gadgets.

Speaking of Gadgets….

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With all the clipart I hoard for my Etsy Shop – I really should be in a support group. Some sort of “Clip Art Anonymous”. If they don’t have something like that set up, I would really suggest they making one.

In the meantime, it would be really sad if my laptop died and all my templates and clipart was lost. Thus, this is necessary!  1 TB (that’s Terabyte) Portable External Hard Drive. Fits in my hand and portable. What more could a geeky electronics clipart hoarder ask for?

Not much, I tell you!

The Best Present Is For My Tummy

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My most favorite dessert is peach cobbler and it’s been ages since I have eaten it. I love the edges the best, so that’s why a small pan will do. Oh, and the size would be perfect for a one person serving so I don’t have to share.

Oh, I have a toddler, so she will probably get a bite, but after that, I want my dessert to myself. Peach cobbler.

My Grandma Dorothy used to make the best peach cobbler in the whole universe. It was so good, I could literally eat the whole thing myself if my mom didn’t step in and stop that tummy ache from happening. Of all the sweets in the world – more than cake, more than pies, more than cupcakes, a Peach Cobbler will delight.

A Pocket of Personal Space. Just For Me. 

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Oh man. This one…. Its a must. Can someone please advise my dear sweet toddler in the concept of personal space? I think that same Birthday Fairy needs to give me a magnetic field that repels the little fingers and appendages that much be touching me. AT. ALL. TIMES.

Look, I’m all for cuddling. I love a good hug and smooch with the kiddo. But, sometimes, when she sits directly, not not exactly right on top of me, it really does make me a little claustrophobic!

Can we please – even just for the week – if I put her on the opposite side of the couch, she can’t sneakily find a way to put a toe on my knee. Just a toe. Nothing else. Or her nose touching my arm. Or something. Her breath breathing the same air is mine. Straight from my mouth.

In an effort to get back inside, this kid is literally ON. TOP. OF. ME. When I pushed her out, I lost all personal space. I’d like to have it back – even just temporarily!

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There you have it.

The Ultimate 30th Birthday List.

I’m Offended. And If My Offense Bothers You. Delete Me.

Here’s your warning.

I have officially lost my filter.

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My Facebook news feed has this article on display for me to see.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, whatever. But, let’s get real and stop thinking  you know what goes on in a world you know nothing about.

Frankly, as a gay woman, I’m offended. What Michael Sam represents IS something heroic to a lot of gay young men and women who think they are worthless. Who are told they aren’t going to amount  to anything. Who are told that the only way they can be seen as normal is to HIDE who they are.

You may think I exaggerate. You can think that’s not the time we still live in. But, you would be mistaken. Because you don’t live it.

Don’t say its not brave to stand up and be who you are, when in this society, it’s still unacceptable for me to get married in my own state. It is not appropriate to dismiss one person because he wants to be himself in the world. He’s a public figure, who doesn’t want to hide aspects of his life.

You don’t have to hide parts of yourself, for fear of ridicule, hateful comments and possible injury or death (depending on the person you come in contact with.)

They say we (ie: the gays) are all up in arms about our sexuality and wanting what we do in the bedroom to be no one’s business. That’s still true. What we do or what you do in the bedroom IS no one’s business.

But you need to separate what goes on in the bedroom from being gay.

BEING GAY isn’t about what I do in the bedroom.

Separate that shit for crying out loud.

BEING GAY is loving another woman for me. In today’s society, people are still getting called out and even killed for that. KILLED for being GAY. Their rights, my rights, are STILL being taken away.

But its YOU and those who make homophobic, hurtful comments who are being persecuted? Really? Let’s get real for a minute for fucks sake. It’s your religion that’s being attacked. Its your morals and your beliefs being attacked. Its your opinion being attacked.

Actually. Let me break it down for you.

It’s your asinine need to spread those hurtful, hateful comments that is being attacked. Feel however you want. Believe whatever you want. The minute you voice it, you are open for whatever backlash comes your way! Don’t pretend YOU are the victim when it reigns negativity down on you when you treat another human being like a second class person.

Would you like those comments said about you? Any of them? If they were about straight people, would you still say its ridiculous? Would you still say its “not that big of a deal”?

You can be ‘fine with gays’. You can say “whatever makes you happy, whatever” But, then supporting something like this article completely contradicts. It’s hurtful to people who ACTUALLY live in the world as a gay person.

Until it effects you, you don’t get the right to decide what’s actually hurtful to those of us who are effected by it!

  • Do you get glares when you walk down the street holding hands with your husband?
  • Do you have people ask if you are your child’s REAL mother?
  • Do you constantly have to explain to people why you wear a ring, but you aren’t actually married?

So, please let’s not get on the topic of what Michael Sam is doing isn’t brave. Did he – perhaps – come out on National TV? So what. What if he did. That’s a brave thing to do, in a world where there are still people out there who want him stoned to death. People who stand out – loud and proud and proclaim judgement on him, until they get all butt hurt when they are called out for being the bigot they are.

Let’s stop for a moment and really look at what it says about you as a person when you say one thing and then support another. Look I’m all for freedom of speech. I’m all for your own damn opinion. I’m also all for the consequences that come with having backlash from an unfavorable opinion.

If you say something unfavorable, hypocritical, racist, homophobic, sexist, whatever – you know you are going to offend someone. Don’t fucking get all up in arms and pretend YOU are the victim, when you said the things you said, knowing and most likely, with the clear intention of offending and hurting someone.

I am one who can generally, agree to disagree. You love God? Cool, I don’t, but that’s no biggie. You breastfeed your kid til their three? I think it’s a little strange, but more power to ya! You voted against ACA? I don’t understand why free birth control is a bad thing, but stand proud, sir!

Look, I’m not being sarcastic. But, I also go out of my way to think about the people who are reading and having to react to the things I put out in the world. I don’t intentionally put it out to hurt someone, to judge someone.

Until today. Damnit. Today I don’t care what you think. I don’t care who’s reading and I don’t care if you are offended. Be offended.

If you are offended, I am offended by you.

You don’t like what Michael Sam is doing. That’s fine. Don’t attack his character. Don’t attack his motives. Don’t discount the fact that to a lot of people – an ENTIRE group of people, this is a real thing. AND it’s a big deal.

But to people who have all rights afforded to them, taking them for granted – and don’t think about other people’s rights being violated, with-held and ridiculed – its just another day in the NFL. Well, I don’t like football. I don’t care about football. Its not about football. It’s about the exposure that this brings to people like me.

To families like MINE. Its a very real BIG DEAL.

To the gay youth, to those who feel like they aren’t going to amount to anything if anyone finds out their gay.

 

The normalcy, the real idea that someday, this won’t need to be a media spectacle.

You know, I’m also annoyed that Michael Sam’s story has become a spectacle. But frankly, its not HIS fault. Its our society’s fault that this has been an issue in the first place – so when something positive comes of it, it blows up into a media circus.

Is the circus ok? No! I don’t like it anymore than anyone else.

But it’s not about Michael Sam’s sex life. It’s about the fact that he is the FIRST man in the NFL to say, “Hey, this is who I am. I love a man and we have a life together. That’s a part of me.”

Its not flaunting it, it’s not making a big deal. It’s sharing a part of his life. Being GAY isn’t about sex. Its about who you love and how you love. Period. When he’s interviewed about his hobbies and his training and his family – his partner, his love is going to come up. Why not be up front about it?! Instead people are asking him to hide a very large part of who he is. A very large part of his life.

He’s just being who he is. He’s being normal and the media took it to a much higher place. But don’t discount the fact that this is big news. This is an acceptance that hasn’t been seen before in the NFL – and in a community where the people are shunned and not accepted, it is a VERY big DEAL.

So, yes. I’m offended. Not because you support someone’s right to freedom of speech. I’m offended because you support people’s hurtful comments that, while you may not think effect me, and only effect some gay black man in the NFL.

It very much effects me. Maybe you didn’t know. Now you do.

If you think this post is about you, well , it probably is.

If you have something to say about any of it, say it to me, instead of hiding behind the internet and slamming some man you don’t even know!

18/52 – Discovering Impulse Control

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So you totally wouldn’t know it, by the super cute face in this picture…..

But, we have a hitter. A live smack ya right in the face, hitter.

And, apparently she’s been pretty aggressive at school too. According to her teacher it’s out of character for her, so it really has just started up. So, I’m not sure how we are going to handle this. Conversations are just not working.

She won’t look at you when you talk to her, she doesn’t sit still, and frankly, she says sorry for everything. I mean, I’m glad she can say she’s sorry, but it really isn’t without much meaning. She’s two for crying out loud, I don’t think she fully understands the concept.

So, she went to bed without any playtime last night, because she smacked me pretty hard on the arm and we asked her to play nice. She smacked me in the face and her Mama popped her in the butt. And then she smacked her Mama later in the face. She’s not really getting the “hands to yourself” concept.

Ugh. I was excited we didn’t have a biter. I forgot there were other kinds of twos to have. A hitter isn’t exactly on my to-do list.

Mother’s Day Weekend

All I wanted for Mother’s Day was a new family picture and a clean bra. Let’s just say I got both.

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I also got to get up early … 7AM early, change a poopy butt, listen to some whine, shriek and crying. I got to make a cute custom shirt, just for our girl. I got to help her paint a card for her Mama. I got to make a special something for my mother-in-law.

I’ll take the good with the bad. Even though, with what I suspect to be 2-year molars and constipation, the bad is sorely outweighing the good.

In most cases, Mother’s Day is just like any other day for us. It may be because Kim and I have been together for 11 years and we are set in our ways. It could be because our kid is too young to really ‘get it’. It may also be because with two moms in the house – whose day is it? Really..?

Traditionally, Mother’s Day is supposed to be a day where the Mom gets a break, a pass, a free day. One day out of  the year, where she’s supposed to take some sort of vacation from parenting. But, well, in a house with nothing but moms, who changes the diapers? Feeds the kid? Who cooks the dinner? And who cleans the dishes?

I think Mother’s Day may be more a symbolic thing in our house. I have yet another holiday to dress up our Punky.

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I also get to revel in the fact that I made this tiny toddler terrorist. And while I really wish she’d stop with the incessant whining, I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world, and most certainly not anyone in the world.

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We may not have made her with traditional methods, but we made her with love and determination. I like to think we shape her to be a beautiful person, both inside and outside. Both moms are doing that.

We also get to her whining and when she gets mad, yelling for “Daddy” and then tell her three times in a span of an hour, she doesn’t have a Daddy. I’m not really sure how this conversation will go later in life, but so far, that’s the closest we have come to really broaching the subject.

We went swimming yesterday, my goodness, we have put Punky in a pool every year since she’s been born and her hair just gets longer and thicker each year! Not to mention the uber cute swimsuits she has sported each year!

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So, is motherhood perfect? No. Is it messy? Yes. Are there days, like right this moment, when I can totally understand why some animals eat their young?  You bet!

But, I love her to pieces and I will always be thankful for the sweet and sour moments of our darling Punky girl.

Happy Mothers Day to you all! Whether you are still trying to be mothers, lost a mother, lost a child, wrangling terrorists, adopted, foster, or surrogate. You are all mothers. You are all beautiful. We are strong, human making, sanity drained, courageous women! Have a great day and revel in the idea that you are woman.

And, if you get a minute, check this out. It’s pretty awesome.

18/52 – Bonds That Are UnBreakable

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No words can ever express what this picture means to me. She’s so precious to me. And, I am absolutely in love with everything about her.

This last couple days have been trying. Miss Punky has what the doctors are calling “Chronic Cough” which for the record, infuriates me to no end.

Get ready, this is a long ass story….

In December, I took her to the doctor for some coughing issues that were pretty persistent. They said she likely had something viral, gave her a breathing treatment and that’s when we adopted Sammy the Seal.

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In the beginning, as I have talked about before, Sammy was not the most well received new member of our family. In fact, Miss Punky decided, he needed to go! She was having none of it. Which put her Mommy on edge.

We finally got her to really like Sammy. So much so that she pets him while she gets her breathing treatments and tells him thank you when we are done.

We went back to the doctor’s office, at the beginning of April, and was told she had a double ear infection and that her lungs sounded good, but the cough – until she vomited – was likely because she had sinus drainage and she didn’t know how to cough it up, so she choked on it.

I went with it.

Well, Monday night, I went to sleep, ready to go to work in the morning. We had been pumping our kid full of Benadryl and Mucinex, just thinking she had a cold or the remnants of her ear infection.

Except, Monday night, she didn’t stop coughing. Kim had to come get me around 1:30 and ask if she could sleep in our bed. We aren’t much for co-sleeping, but the last time we did it, it really helped her not cough, because she laid on me – at an angle – and cuddled in.

She wasn’t in our room for more than 10 minutes before she coughed so hard, she puked on me. I got her out of bed, and we tried to get her drink something. We all know toddlers are notorious for not doing what you need them to do. So we thought, cold on her throat, from several hours of persistent coughing, maybe a Popsicle?

She enjoyed it until she coughed so hard to throw that up too.

If you are keeping count, that’s three times in a few hours. Once in her bed, once in my bed, and once on our couch. She had thrown up and it didn’t look like there was any stopping of her cough in sight.

We made the decision to take her to the ER around 2AM. I had to be at work at 7AM, let me tell you how thrilled I was about this idea. But, it just broke my heart to see her coughing til she turned red and her little body shaking, gagging to the point of vomiting. On the way to the hospital, she coughed and coughed and puked again all over her jacket.

That was number four.

We got admitted, hung out in the waiting room and then they got us in the room. She was pretty well-behaved for a two year old, no sleep, and a sickness. She actually didn’t cough as much either. We would told when they put us in the room, there was one doctor and 4-5 people ahead of you. I just envisioned our good natured kid suddenly becoming a pain in the ass, the longer we had to be there.

But she didn’t. Not really.

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Kim taught her a new song and sent her out in the hallway to sing it! “Doctor, Doctor – Gimme the news!” So she danced around the room, singing pretty darn loudly that one phrase over and over around 2 hours in.

By 5AM, we finally saw the doctor. He said what everyone has been saying. Her lungs sound good, she’s not got a fever and while her throat was red and raw (DUH), she seemed fine. It was likely just a viral thing or nasal drainage.

For crying out loud, it took everything in me not to punch that man in the throat.

However, during the examination, she coughed so hard she puked on the doctor, all over the sheet on their bed, and all down my leg. Kim proceeded to pick her up to comfort and she puked on Kim’s arm.

That’s number 5 and 6.

He saved himself by saying they would do a chest x-ray, a breathing treatment and a round of steroids. Ok. So, we haven’t done 2 out of 3. No punching in the throat.

He left for another round of whatever, a half hour later an x-ray tech came in with a portable x-ray machine, sent one of us out of the room (me) while the other held our kid to get her picture taken, which by the way was not a fun thing to listen to outside in the hallway.

Chest x-ray done, in came the nurse with steroids, who by the way, decided she didn’t think I was telling the truth when I said Punky would take the medicine in a syringe no problem. Instead, she tried to rush it and force her to swallow, which made her spit it everywhere.

After steroids, Punky started to get a little cranky and temperamental. I couldn’t blame her, by that time is was nearly 6AM and my alarm for work had even gone off on my phone.

The respiratory guy came in to give her a breath treatment and he went to put the mask on her face and said, “Where Sammy?”

You know, I never thought I would lie to my kid as much as I do to make her do things that are good for her. We told her that the Respiratory guy name Dave, that’s what we will call him, I don’t know his real name, was sent by Sammy to give her the medicine, because he was at home sleeping, but Dave was a real good friend of Sammy’s.

Dave was pretty impressed when she let him put that mask on and didn’t move at all to take it off through the entire treatment. I’m thinking he doesn’t see it that much with toddlers, and it took a lot of work for us to condition her to them, so not having the seal there, I was sure would cause a tantrum.

Breathing treatment done, doctor came in and said, “It’s probably viral. Nasal drainage and everything looks good. We can’t take the cough away, but here’s some steroids, if it doesn’t get better, call her pediatrician.”

Cue eye-roll here.

So, we headed home, with a cranky and very tired toddler and of course, overly exhausted mamas. By the time we got home it was 7:30AM. I had to call in to work, just so Kim could sleep and maybe I could get some sleep when we situated Punky.

Except, Punky falling asleep didn’t go as smoothly as we thought it would. I had imagined the steroids would be a miracle cure and we could give her Benadryl on the recommendation of the ER doc and lay her down. She laid down no problem.

Less than 10 minutes into it, we heard her coughing, then gagging, crying from frustration because she just wanted to sleep, and then finally, number 7 vomit came all over her bed.

Being that we don’t have a washer and dryer in our apartment, and we were just too tired to do the laundry, I pulled Punky onto the couch with me, turned the fan on, because we were both pretty warm and tried to get her comfortable.

At one point, she was so frustrated with the cough that wouldn’t go away that she would cry and scream and cough harder and then puked again, number 8.

In case you were curious, all the vomit, was more liquid than anything of substance, but every time she puked, she got more upset, and in turn made herself puke more. At this point, Kim had fallen asleep in the bedroom, and I was sitting on our living room floor with a toddler in only her diaper and we were crying at each other.

She puked on me again, while we sat there. Number 9 of the evening.

I just felt so helpless. This kid was coughing so hard, she was so tired, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to fix it. No doctors were telling me anything new. No doctors were HELPING my kid. I couldn’t HELP my kid. I could just sit there and hold her, listen to her body rattle as she coughed and feel her tiny body shake.

It was one of my most scary nights/mornings ever. Of course, it didn’t help that I hadn’t had any sleep.

We did this until around 9AM, and then we finally fell asleep on the couch, but really, Punky slept uninterrupted for maybe 10 minutes and then she would cough for another 10 minutes. Until about 11AM, when she found the energy to get up and play, which meant Mommy was getting up too.

Needless to say, she was tired, but not coughing. She came to me at 1PM to tell me she wanted to get in her bed. I gladly put her in her bed.

She slept cough free through the nap, the rest of the evening, and the night, until this morning. Now, she’s only coughing if she’s crying or throwing a tantrum. Or if she gets too overly active – but her cough isn’t as dry, maybe the steroids are doing the trick.

If not, it’s off to the pediatrician to see if she needs to be treated for asthma or an allergy of some sort. I’m hoping that isn’t necessary.

So, we had one hell of a ride so far with this “Chronic Cough” and it’s so frustrating to hear the same thing over and over. It’s even more frustrating to be told the same thing and be charged thousands of dollars that we don’t have for treatments and doctor’s visits to hear the same thing over and over.

Hopefully, this is it. I am not very optimistic, seriously, I’m just not. But, hopefully. For my kiddo’s sake, because I know she was miserable and I hope I never have to cry with her on the floor again like that.

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The Year of 30

So, I have a few weeks until I am the big 3-0. I don’t think it has really hit me very much. I mean … not really. I joke about getting old and my knee is out of whack and I’m on a fair amount of meds. But in the end, 30 really isn’t much of anything. I guess we will see how I feel when I am actually 30. LOL.

What surprises me the most, is that my life has turned out the way it has. I thought, growing up, especially as a teenager, you were supposed to find your mate in high school, breed like rabbits, get divorced, and live forever unhappy.

And that just hasn’t happened.

Thank goodness for that!

Instead, I am spending my time with the little mini me that I have always dreamed of. I swear, our little chickadee is growing by leaps and bounds and if she doesn’t stop soon, I might just die of sadness.

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We have discovered that Miss Punky is obsessed with Batman. I have no idea how – because its not like we watch or read it. But she came home one day yelling out “Batman!” and “Fireball” that’s a new one.

She’s for real throwing fireballs at us. It pretty adorable, really.

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We had a pretty low-key weekend otherwise. I am working early every day this week, so it’s off to bed early for me. But, I just couldn’t go without sharing my most favorite pictures of this weekend.

Because let’s face it, a Batman tutu and pink converse is for sure the best fashion statement EVER.

I mean seriously. How can you not just die of absolute melting at this face? Maybe I’m biased?!

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She’s a singing fool. She knows all of “Ring Around the Rosie” and holds her own finger to turn around in circles for the song when her moms are just too tired to do it AGAIN. She does a generally interesting version of “Itsy Bitsy Spider” though the hand movements are spot on.

We introduced her to American Tail this weekend. My goodness, what a spectacle she made of herself! She was just so concerned every time the mice were attacked by cats. It was both heart warming and migraine inducing at the same time – each time the cats attacked, she shrieked and covered her mouth. It was super serious!

Don't mind me, yes it's another Batman shirt, because we isn't allowed to wear the giant tutu every moment of her life, like she would like.

Don’t mind me, yes it’s another Batman shirt, because we isn’t allowed to wear the giant tutu every moment of her life, like she would like.

So, we had a nice time at the park this morning, ran into some interesting people and had some interestingly dare-devilish moves from my monkey of a daughter!

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In the end, the weekend was full of some much needed Mommy, Punky time and we had a blast. It was nice weather and like my young babygirl who is now attempting to sleep, I am also exhausted and headed to bed. Not thrilled to start the work week, but we are truckin’ along regardless!

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Psst. If you haven’t noticed, there may be a new page up top.

Another Year

Anniversary

For the love I never expected,

So many years ago.

The love I never anticipated, envisioned, or imagined;

but so much more than I desired.

For a love that was never defined to me,

The traditional relationship between two people;

This life with you has been like nothing

Anyone could of prepared me for.

You strengthen me when I am weak –

The bonds between us may have thinned

at times throughout these years;

Instead of allowing the strings to break,

We held on tighter, my dear.

For when I look back on the time we have loved;

And the times we have merely existed,

The good always outweighs the bad

And in that moment, I know –

It’s rare for people to know true love,

To allow it to take over,

We have weathered the storms, we have held on for dear life

And came out on the other side.

Life threw stones and we held fast and held strong,

Held each other

Not allowing it to knock us down.

Love was never about happiness –

More than it was about togetherness.

My darling, you are the soul mate, the air I breathe,

The match that I had been searching for –

You saved me from me.

Eleven years ago, we made it official. To stick together and weather all the storms that came our way. I didn’t know then, that there would be trying times, but in the end – it’s made us stronger, better, and more in love.

When you learn that love isn’t about rainbows and it isn’t about smiles and it isn’t about the good times – you know you can truly love someone when the storms come – and you rise to the challenge together and come out on the other side.

Growing up, this was not the love I was taught about – this wasn’t the love that I saw. The love I saw was volatile, unforgiving, and in the end, broken. I learned that while not everyone is meant to be together – the people who are meant to be together, work at it.

Love is hard work.

Love is compromise and sacrifice.

Its being driven to the very edge of your sanity and holding on by the one small thread that’s left – knowing that your love for the other person is worth it. The life you share is timeless. The beauty of the love you have is a fight you just can’t give up on.

When I look at our love -I know the odds have always been stacked against us. Mental illness and personalities and history – the way we were raised, the way we grew up, the opposites in which we are in most cases.

And, yet – we complete each other. For everything I am not, she is. For everything she is not, I am. In every sense of the word – two souls have been split and we form the whole. The soul mate.

I found mine. How lucky it is to be me.

My whole life, I have watched relationships crumble, teaching me that love doesn’t last – it’s not worth it and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Now, I know different. Eleven years later, I can stand up straight and say, “I know what love is.”

Unconditional, raw, absolutely not pure, beautiful, emotional and heart-wrenching. Love is not a cake-walk. Love is a constant and ever changing challenge.

Rise to it and you will know true love. I have risen to that challenge and I will continue to accept that challenge. I will teach our daughter how to love the right way. Help show her that love does exist, if you are willing to accept the flaws, there is no perfection in the realm of love.

To many, many more years, my love –  you are the heart beat of my soul. Happy Anniversary, Kim. You are my everything.

If you want to read about my journey to love and how it began.