Why The Church Lost My Daughter

This article came over on my Facebook feed today. It talks about why millennials are leaving the church. It says in essence that most of the people in my age group or younger are leaving the church because religion has taken on more of a political stance than a faith stance. Instead of teaching their followers to love thy neighbor, they are teaching their followers to ‘hate the sin”. Instead of teaching their followers to have compassion for the whore, they are teaching their followers to condemn and judge, when that is only God’s job according to the Bible.

Of course, we are also leaving the church because we feel like there is a strict line between faith and science and we can’t have both. We can’t ask questions. We can’t be curious. We can’t have doubt. So, basically, instead of feeling bad for having doubt, I just decided that my doubt must be real and it just doesn’t exist.

I’ve felt the after effects of being a loyal church goer and follower of Jesus. I’ve felt the aftermath of leaving the church and suddenly feeling lost and confused. Of course, the followers of the church would say the lost feeling is because you don’t have Jesus in your life anymore and you are feeling it.

Instead, I say, I felt the aftermath of brainwashing. My brain and body was programmed from a very young age how to act, feel, and think. When I rebelled against that, my body went into shock. That’s an emotional response. That’s a physical response. It’s a psychological  response to my damaged brain finally taking control. It’s a kind of battle that will stay forever in my mind. that back and forth kind of battle. So far, I’m winning the war, but the battles … that pit in your stomach. That heavy feeling in your chest. The battle of wills in your mind. All part of the deprogramming of the mind when it comes to any kind of mind control. The church is a great example of mind control.

When you teach a child from the beginning that they are not to ask questions, just have faith. When you teach a child that they only need to trust in the leaders of the church, no need to trust in their own thought. When you teach a child the only way to be ‘saved’ is to follow the teachings and use guilt and fear to make them behave and think a certain way.

Like it or not, this is brainwashing. This mind control. In the end, it doesn’t matter what the beliefs of the church really are, whether they follow the Bible or not. The Bible is the excuse, the ‘teachings of Jesus” are the front for what is real. Church leaders only need to use mind control tactics to make you believe whatever they want. To make you act however they want. By the time they have all the pieces in place, they can tell you that God is going to change the sky from blue to cotton candy pink and if they do their job right, you believe them. You can’t possibly wait for the “miracle”

It’s kind of like when people blame the gays for hurricanes and natural disasters. Yes. God did that. Because of the gays. That’s compassion right there. And how may Christians actually believe this nonsense?  You’d be surprised.

How many church goers use the Bible as their tool, but they don’t really follow the teachings of Jesus that is written plainly in the black and white text?

THIS is why the church has lost my daughter. I refuse to subject her to the mind control of the church. I refuse to let her go through the withdrawal symptoms of mind control. I am seeing an increase of parents in my age group who feel the same way. We are thinking more about teaching our kids to think for themselves and release their kids from the idea of attaching their feelings to a belief in God or church.

I know for me, it’s not worth it to scar Punky with the inevitable. She will be told her parents are not natural, she will be told that she doesn’t have a legit family. I am not about to allow her to be subject to something as damaging as that. Her moms love her just as much as any family headed by a mom and dad. The kinds of thoughts that are taught and embedded in a child’s brain are not something I care to have in my daughter’s head.

We can teach our children morals without any form of church or God to be associated with. Children are taught to believe in something. Children are taught to think how their parents believe. Children are hardwired to please adults. I will not take advantage of her tiny mind. I will not subject her to any of the mind games that we adults play. I will let her question thing. I will let her be curious.

I don’t want topics to be taboo. I don’t want her feelings to be taboo. I don’t want her to be ashamed. I don’t want her to feel guilty for the way she thinks or who she wants to be. Which is why – unlike the church – I will teach her free will. In the Bible, it is taught that God created us with free will. To try and take away a person’s free will is completely backwards.

So instead of focusing on politics and agendas, both sides of the religious debate could learn from each other. Partner with each other. Instead of playing head games and a battle of wills, come together and put differences aside and work on what is important – compassion, love, and kindness to all human beings as we are all the same on the inside.

This is what I’m teaching my daughter, what about you? Regardless of your religious preferences, I promise to teach my kid to treat your children with respect and dignity. If we can all promise to teach the new generation of children to love thy neighbor and withhold judgement when possible, we can achieve a better world.

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Hope you had a great weekend and to those with cycles up in the air, good luck and good vibes are being sent from us to you! ❤

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Anxious Toddler in A House Full Of Changes

Recently, as I wrote before, I got promoted temporarily to an interim position as a supervisor in our call center. This comes with the hopefully very real possibility that I will be chosen in the next phase of interviews as a permanent supervisor over the team that I am currently over. It also comes with a shift that is completely opposite to what Punky is used to.

Her entire last year and a half has been Mommy working 8AM-5PM. Now, I am working 3PM-Midnight. Punky has been pretty easy going her entire little life and I had witnessed her change and adapt to changes in her routine pretty easily. I was nervous when accepting this position that she may take a little longer to adjust.

I think we are seeing the anxiety this new change has created in our little one and I’m not sure how to curb it, or how to help her cope with this. I feel terrible that she is having such a hard time with the transition and I’m really not sure how to fix it for her.

Lately, and I just witnessed it this morning, Punky has to be hanging on K all the time. K mentioned it to me the last few days, but I haven’t really noticed while I was home. Well, I noticed it today. Punky will literally stand next to K’s chair and hold onto a piece of her shirt. Or has to be touching her in some way. K says that it escalates when I go to work and Punky needs to be held and whines and wants up and down constantly.

I’m concerned that Punky is afraid that since I’m leaving, she thinks K is leaving. I am afraid she thinks I have abandoned her, even though, she has to know that I am coming home every day and she sees me in the morning. It breaks my heart to think she is anxious about my leaving her. And even moreso, it makes me sad that she is clinging to K like she’s going to be abandoned twice.

I’m hoping this is just a phase, but I don’t know how to help her transition better, because this promotion is a great thing financially for our family and it’s what I want to do at work. We have always had a semi-predictable routine for Punky and I think that may be part of the problem, but it has helped keep her sleep on track and she’s been able to know what is coming next.

I was afraid this would happen when I accepted the position and I had hoped, since she is usually so independent and able to keep to herself, that it wouldn’t be a big deal. We have changed the routine before and she’s adapted quickly to it. Not only that, but I have so much more time to play with her in the day time than I did in the evenings when I worked the day shift. We get to go to play dates and spend time outside the apartment. We get to do things with other kids and she’s not stuck in the apartment with just her moms.

I tried to talk to Punky today and yet, I know she’s too little to really understand. She’s also like a ferret and doesn’t pay attention to what I’m saying unless I have shiny things in my hands. Anyway, I tried. I said, “Punky, you know Mommy loves you. Mommy just goes to work at night and I see you in the morning. You know Mommy isn’t going to stay gone, right?” She just hugged me tight and that made me want to cry! I said, “Mama is not going anywhere, either. You don’t have to hang onto her, she’s right there. She’s going to be right there.” Of course, at that point, my toddler got bored and climbed off my lap, and proceeded to go grab a piece of K’s shirt.

I just wonder if anyone else has these problems. I just wonder if there is anything I can do to ease her mind that her moms aren’t going anywhere. I used to think that these fears of children thinking their parents were abandoning them was really just the moms over thinking and feeling guilty, and maybe that’s what this is. But, I am seeing a definite difference in Punky’s demeanor or the way she interacts with the both of us, together and separately.

Hopefully, this is just a phase and it too will change, because it’s hurting my heart and I know K would love to get some things done without a toddler hanging off her shirt all day. People need personal space, ya know.

Leibster Award What?!

What? You like me! You really, really like me?! Ahem.

I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award! Thanks to Charity for her nomination! This is a way for small bloggers to give recognition to other small bloggers (200 followers or less). Here’s how it works:

Copy & Paste This Whole Post and Replace All Your Information — who awarded you, for example.

The rules:

1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.

2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.

3. Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.

4. Display the Liebster Award logo.

5. No tag backs meaning you can’t just re nominate the person who nominated you.

As Solo the First put it “The real purpose behind these nominations are not only as an accolade from a fellow blogger and let’s face it, nothing gently strokes our little writer hearts more than someone telling you they appreciate your work.  In addition to the back patting we need to receive from time to time, it also allows us to get a little more personal as we get to know our increasing blogging community. It also helps drive traffic to your site as we reference one another.”

The questions put forth to me (with my answers) are as follows:

1) Tea or coffee? Sweet Tea

2) Who is the most influential person in your life? My little brother, Cody. He’s a damn rockstar and I am so proud to be his sister.

3) What’s your favorite Shakespeare play? The Tempest

4) What is your favorite genre of music? MUSICALS (especially Wicked and Aida)

5) Do you play an instrument? I do not.

6) What’s your favorite state or national park? I’ve never visited a national park and I’ve never really been too far outside of Missouri. So, I pick Missouri.

7) What’s your favorite view, sunrise or sunset? Sunset, only because I’m never up early enough to see the sunrise.

8) Which environment do you enjoy more the grasslands, desert, mountains or the beach? I’m so boring! I have never seen any of those. I will go with grasslands, I live in the midwest, that’s the closest option for me!

9) What is the best movie you ever saw? I could watch the Notebook a million times and never get bored.

10) Who is your favorite author? George R. R. Martin (damn him!)

11) What do you hope others will remember about you when you die? I hope people remember that I stood up for what I believed in, I raised my kid to the best of my ability to think for herself and I love those closest to me with all my heart, regardless of our differences.

Here are my nominations (In no particular order!) I also have no idea how many followers these people currently have, but I love reading them!:

Here are my 11 questions:

1)  Paper Book or Electronic?

2) Who would you have dinner with if you could pick anyone ever?

3) What kitchen utensil would you be?

4) If you met the president, what would you say to him?

5) What’s the hardest lesson you have had to learn in your life?

6) What’s the best decision you ever made?

7) What’s your favorite musical?

8) What’s your biggest pet peeve?

9) What’s your greatest accomplishment?

10) Where do you see yourself in 15 minutes?

11) Where do hope to be in your life by the time you are retired?

A New Chapter Has Started For Us

Hi all,

So, it’s been a while since I have posted something substantial because I have been so busy at work. We have been having system issues and other things. We deal with people’s medication, so I have been staying late a few nights a week to make sure we get these people their medication. That’s the great thing about this job. I don’t really care for being on the phones, and I’m not as much as I used to be. I’m a senior now, so I talk to the grumpy, the sick, the frustrated elderly. I answer questions from our representatives and coach when necessary.

Well, dear readers, I am here to announce that I have been given the opportunity to go a step higher. I am going to be interim supervisor starting today. This is pretty big news for me! I applied for a supervisor position about a month ago and I nailed the interview, I just didn’t have the ‘experience’ they were looking for. This interim position will give me the experience I want and need for the next step in this path.

I’m kind of the glue that holds my current team together in a lot of ways, so I am concerned that I am leaving them hanging, so on the work front, I’m feeling a tiny bit guilty just ‘abandoning’ them. However, they have an excellent supervisor and my backup senior is pretty sharp and knowledgable, he just has to have the confidence to do the job!

On the home front, I’m even more guilty. My shift will change now from 8-5PM to 3-Midnight. Which really means that I will be missing the bedtime routine. I do so love putting Punky to bed. So, I’m sure not only do I need to get my own bedtime routine and sleep schedule changed, but I will be wondering what she’s doing around 8PM every night when she usually goes to bed.

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We spent last night watching the Giggle Bellies before bed. Just laying in mommies’ bed and cuddling!

The upside to this is that I get to spend time with her in the day time. I get to take her out and do things with her. The mommy group that I am a member of usually does playdates during the day and I was always bummed that I couldn’t take her to those things. We only had time to do things at night (when I was usually too darn tired) or on the weekends (when I really didn’t want to get out of the house).

Now, we can do all sorts of things. In fact, we have been booked for three playdates this week.

On Thursday, Punky and I are going to a free FitMom class in the morning. I hear it’s a great workout for moms who don’t have time or daycare to get to the gym. I’m looking forward to that. I have been counting calories for about a month now and started doing Jillian Michael’s 30 day shred level 1 workout consistently for the last week. I’ve lost about 8.5 pounds in the last month. It’s pretty exciting and I’m pretty happy with this new chapter in my life too!

On Friday, we are going to Xtreme Fitness to play at the Toddler Time. I’ve been told that this place has all sorts of fun things for kids to play with. Trampolines and foam pits and just a nice place to run off the energy of a toddler.

Yesterday we visited the open house at Gymboree for a couple hours. I really miss taking her to Gymboree. I sure wish she liked participating in the classes more!

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It’s so important to me to spend time with Punky while I am still working. I am a working mom. I am a working mom for a reason. I can’t possibly stay at home with her 24/7 and keep my sanity. But, I want that bond with her. I want to be close with her and I am hoping being able to have that bond with her and be a mom she can come to when she needs something.

So, with a new job and a new schedule and a new weight loss plan, things are looking new and different, but hopefully a great new life is starting!

Take care.

Etsy Digital Designers Baby Shower HOP!

baby shower logo

For the month of July, the DigitalDesigers Team on Etsy was tasked with a fantastic promotional piece. We are all doing something with the theme of “Virtual Baby Shower”.

I know a lot of you Mamas out there are either trying to conceive, pregnant, or close to popping! This is a great thing for all of you!

So, from July 12-19 the hop will be basically allowing you to bounce around and grab up free gifts from our participating designers! Let me tell you, they are all fabulous and so very talented digital designers!

I’m currently offering a set of printables to go with your “Little Man Baby Shower” The colors will be yellow and grey. Here’s a preview of the invitation, for sale in my shop right now, if you would like it. Also, if you decide that these are not the colors you are looking for, you can also convo me on my Etsy shop for custom invitations and/or printables! (Custom orders are not free)

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For purchase at Events You Can Print – on Etsy

Now for the free stuff!! Who doesn’t love free stuff! I know I do! It’s Christmas in July, ladies and gentlemen!’

Check out my Shop’s Facebook page for great coupons and freebie promotions later next month!

**THIS PROMOTION HAS ENDED, PLEASE MESSAGE ME FOR DETAILS ON HOW TO PURCHASE A SET FOR YOUR BABY SHOWER IF YOU WISH**

What you get?

  • 1 Little Man Banner
  • 2 sheets of Cupcake Toppers
  • 1 Sign for Favors Table
  • 1 Sheet Argyle Sweaters and Bowties for Favor bags

These next pieces were not used in the baby shower I hosted with this bundle. So they are extra special and free for you to use!

  • 1 sheet of 12 miniature chocolate bar wrappers
  • 1 sheet of 5 water bottle labels
  • 4X6 “Wishes For Baby” card
  • Little Man Gift Bingo

Check out how we used these in a baby shower just a few weeks ago!

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Your bowties for the bags will be smaller and say “Thank You” on them. We accidentally used the wrong ones! These bowties were for the photobooth props!

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cupcake toppers

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The banners and cupcake toppers in the downloads will not have the Lincoln ones included. Only the Little Man variety.

Let’s see what you can do with them! I’d love to see pictures of your own party and how it turns out!!

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