Only Children Are Just Fine

We talked about a second baby and we went back and forth for a week or so. I know that’s not really a lot of time to make a decision and we may change our minds in the future. For now, we decided that a second child isn’t really a good idea for us. I know, in our hearts, like most women, we want to have more children. We want to nurture a new generation of children in our family, in our blood. To satisfy that urge to bond with a child of our own. It’s just too much right now for our heads to say yes to.

The positives are obvious; K could have a child of her own blood and carry a child. I could actually name the child! We could give Punky a sibling. We would be growing our family. We could maybe have a son.

The negatives are more complicated; the insurance issue, the mental illness, the genetics. We would have to likely get a bigger home. We would care for a toddler and a newborn. It’s just a lot of more heavy weighing things.

Right now.

I’m not going to say that we won’t revisit this situation at some point. However, the reason we were thinking about it, was because our donor is considering his own options as far as child-making abilities. In the next few years, he may not have the goods.

We are women, so who knows what tomorrow will bring, but right now, I think we are making the right decision for the two of us. We got it confirmed by K’s psychologist that it may not be the best idea, right now, for K to carry a child. She did say that it can be done if we want to do it, but at this point in time, it may not be the best option.

When we thought about having children and beginning a family, we always talked about having multiple children. But, when Punky was born, we have had talks about it before and really, it’s not really something we were concrete about. I think K and I both really thought our donor was over the whole conception thing and we really didn’t want to talk about asking him again. Until he brought it up, I feel like we were content with the lives we have and the one child we have.

So, we may revisit it. We may not. I never like to think I know how something will happen in the future. I don’t like to think in absolutes. I’m kind of funny that way.

It’s similar to my religious views. I don’t believe, now, that there is a God, persay. At least not the same God that people ‘worship’, because that God is just … eh … fickle. I don’t agree with the doctrine that is taught by the church. I also have to believe that I don’t know what’s actually true and what’s reality. Who knows, we may have been created by some all powerful being. We don’t really know. No one knows. Part of me wonders if I am just not a believer in the church.

Never think in absolutes. I never have. I just went off on a tangent. In the end, we have the child we both wanted. We love her more than anything and at the moment, she may be all we really have time or energy for. We could change our minds, but I really think this is the right decision for us, as hard as it is on my heart, my head knows we have made the right choice.

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12 thoughts on “Only Children Are Just Fine

  1. Sorry about that typo! In any case, I respect the thought and consideration you put into truly considering the question of whether or not to have another child. At this point in our lives, Jade and I have no intention of having more than one child. We are content with the thought of having a single child. Sounds like you made the best possible decision at this point in your life for your family.

    • It’s only been a week and I don’t know that I feel like this decision can be made in a week. Which is likely why I am still on the fence in the back of my mind. In the end, I really think we landed on the right decision. I just never like to rule things out.

  2. I think a decision can be made in whatever time it takes you to feel good about the decision. And if you’re at peace, whether it takes 5 min or 5 months then its the right one for your family.

    • I think I just want to feel differently, so I feel a little guilty that it didn’t take as long as a big decision should take! 🙂 But, you’re right, it shouldn’t matter the length of time as long as we are okay with it and I think we are.

  3. I can only speak from the perspective of an only child myself, but it’s not that bad. I think my life has been pretty awesome and I don’t think I’d be as close to my parents if I’d had a sibling. For me and my family, it was the right decision. Don’t know how many children I’ll want someday, but I don’t think I’d feel bad about having an only child. For my thoughts on this, read this blog about me as an adult only child http://aredheadsguide.wordpress.com/2012/09/20/a-defense-of-the-only-child/

    • This is so great, thanks so much for sharing! I know my partner is most concerned that Punky will not have an enriched life without siblings. I like to think there are pros and cons to both. Not to say that she feels like only children are deprived, it’s just all either of us know, to have siblings. So, thanks for your unique perspective! I will definitely read that post and recommend it to my partner as well!

  4. Love that you are so raw and open with your thoughts. It’s hard to put it all out there. I totally relate, though our decision is between having two or three because we already jumped off the cliff and have two. I *always* thought I would want three, that I would enjoy the chaos, that our family would be big and boisterous. But I am just not feeling it. We are tapped out; I’m at totally exhausted most days; I don’t want to be pregnant again; I am loving holding other people’s babies and then giving them back. Mostly I’m struggling with what I thought I wanted and what I really want when the rubber meets the road. It’s hard for me to re-adjust my own reality. Big hug, sistah! You do whatever works for you and yours.

    • Totally understand your thoughts! I feel guilty because I want to want another child. Like, I know it’s supposed to be something you want as a woman, to grow your family and have kids. I’m just content with the one I have! LOL, that may change someday, but like you said “I’m not feeling it.”

  5. Obviously, your little Punky is really lucky to have you and your partner, and she will have a wonderful life with our without siblings because of your love for her. I am wondering, and if it’s too personal don’t answer of course, would you want to carry another child or would you only have a second if your partner carried?

    • Katy, thanks for your kind words! As to the question, I really have never found anything too personal, LOL. We talked about my carrying another child and the real reason we thought of a second child was to give K the experience. Frankly, I didn’t care for being pregnant, I love Punky and I am so grateful for the experience of having her, but if I had my choice, I wouldn’t do it again. If we really really really wanted another child, and at this point, I think that’s the issue, we don’t, but if we did, I would carry again if it was the only option left.

      • Thanks for indulging my curiosity, Rachael! 🙂 I totally understand how you would want your partner to experience pregnancy, too. It certainly is life-changing and awesome, despite how tough it can be. Anyway, I really enjoy your blog!

      • I’m so glad you enjoy my blog! I didn’t really start blogging and expecting people to read it, but I love the community of people I talk to and get to read about.

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