If You Are Against My Family, Are We Really Friends?

I’m so upset right now. I can’t decide what to do. I am posting this on Facebook, as I always do, so it’s possible that this person will see the post. I’m not really upset at the person who posted this, I’m more upset with the people she is associated with. I know her to be a decent and kind person. I know her to be a loving mother and a beautiful spirit. And yet, this blog post is something that she posts for the world to see.

The post itself makes valid points, and I don’t know the writer’s stand on Gay Marriage, it makes no difference to me. I think right now, I am more upset about one comment on my friend’s post. A comment that I would hope someone would stand up against. But, it won’t be me. Why? Because I don’t want to blast this friend’s Facebook wall with debates and hatred.


But, the idea that this had to be said at all, hurts my heart. Make up extra rights?! Really? I’m so confused. I am literally appalled that my friend knows someone like this. She is kind and generous and loving – all the things that I was taught God wants us to be. And this person, whom I don’t know and have never met, shows me what the truth of the church is. What hatred is bred into the church.

I have to wonder, is my friend of the same mind about my family? I can’t bring myself to ask her directly. I can’t bring myself to post a reply to this comment. I want to think that she is associated with people of faith that loves everyone. That walks in the path of Jesus. The way Jesus walked.

How about, if you want to take ‘holy week’ to reflect on something, why don’t we remember that Jesus died for all our sins. How about we remember that Jesus loved the prostitute? How about we remember that God should be the only judge? Or we could remember that Jesus said to love thy neighbors? Love covers a multitude of sins? Or, if you like bible verses with actual locations in the bible, here’s one for you:


I have never been one with strong opinions in the way the government ran things. I have never been one with strong opinions in religious politics. I’ll be the first to admit that when I went to vote for the first time, I didn’t even know the difference between being a Democrat or a Republican.

But, this hits home for me. I am taking a stand. I have, since done my research and this issue is not about religion, it’s not about politics. It’s about civil rights. It’s about humanity. It’s about fairness, equality, and justice.

I am standing here and challenging those who follow Jesus. I am challenging you that speak ‘the word of god’.

Live by the whole bible. Live by the whole word. I challenge you to re-evaluate your beliefs. I challenge you to look deep in your heart and decide where you lie. Do you lie on the side of fairness and love, as Jesus would have wanted? Or do you lie on the side of lies, hypocrisy and injustice?

So you say it’s not just religion. So you say it’s because children are better off with a mom and a dad. Let’s think for a moment about those children who have been left in a dumpster. Abandoned by their mom and dad. How about those children who were ‘accidents’ and unwanted. Are they better off with a mom and dad?

I think Punky is better off with the many Uncles, Cousins, and Grandpas she has. She is not lacking in male role models. (I hope they all don’t mind me putting them out for the public to see) I am proud that Punky has so many awesome men in her life!


eric david


cody justin brandon

Do we take away the rights of Single mothers? What about the children who are being raised by their grandparents? Are they less cared for? Single mothers work their asses off. Single mothers are so full of love and life that I just can’t imagine why anyone would say those children need a dad.

Making up rights for my family?


So, you don’t think it’s a right for me to be able to see my partner in the hospital as you can see your husband or wife? If I am lying on my death bed, my partner could be left with no solace in her grief because she couldn’t be next to me as I die. That’s a disservice to me and my partner. We have been together for 10 years. TEN YEARS.

But our love is not as committed as yours? Which one of yours? Your first marriage or your third? Our love isn’t the same as yours. For those who feel like this is simply a sexual thing. What goes on in my bedroom is really no one’s business, but we haven’t had sexual things as a focus of our relationship for years.

I love my partner the way anyone loves their spouse. She and I have been through more and weathered more hardships than most straight couples could weather in a year. We stand strong in the face of adversity. We don’t back down, we don’t break up.


I like to think our relationship and our love is the true interpretation of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Stop and think a moment about what will happen to your children if you were to die suddenly tomorrow? Would your child be in the care of your spouse? Of course, no questions asked. Mine will not be. My child is likely to be plucked from the only home she knows. The only family she knows.


If I were to die tomorrow, my partner has no legal rights to her daughter. She has no legal standing to keep our daughter safe. Tell me that is better for our child’s mind and spirit? Tell me that my daughter is better off taken from the only parent she knows. The one person she loves more than anything and the one parent who has taken care of her, loved her, kept her safe, tucked her in at night, fed her, and comforted her for the entire year she has been alive.

Tell me she is better off in a strangers care. She’s not.


Now, tell me where the rights are being made up?

My heart hurts. I am sick to my stomach. I have never been more passionate about anything in my entire life. My family’s life is hanging in the balance. My family is being affected and now, my mother’s instinct is on full blast.

I’m no longer worried about making friends. I am no longer worried about losing friends. I am no longer worried about offending people. I am no longer worried about being an outcast. I am worried about my family being accepted.

If you can’t get on board with that, I don’t need you in my life.

18 thoughts on “If You Are Against My Family, Are We Really Friends?

  1. Making me cry first thing in the morning. I’m not Christian now, but I was raised so and am still very spiritual – and I love to hear other people of other faiths speaking from their own heart and soul, with compassion and the clarity that comes from struggling well with an idea. So thank you. And good for you for shining a light on this and holding up a mirror. You should never feel you have to keep silent. You have a beautiful family. Know that many of us are praying for equal rights (not “made up” rights, and that is godly work. God is love after all.

  2. Well said!

    It makes my blood boil when people a) have a problem with homosexuality, and b) don’t believe in the gay rights, to c) the extent that they would actively try to restrict those rights, and d) do so in the name of God, because of e) something they read in the Bible.

    My brother, uncle, step-uncle, and many of my friends and my family’s friends are gay or lesbian. It makes my blood boil to know that they are not protected by the same laws in the US that protect me and my husband.

    Want to add that I have several friends who are Christian, and they are all pro gay marriage, so — sticking to the “Because God / the Bible says so argument” here — obviously God and the Bible are open to interpretation.

    It’s frustrating for me, I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. I hope my little corner of the internet brings you some hope and comfort. xx

  3. Your last two posts have made me cry! I shared your previous post on Facebook because while I am a big supporter of equal rights and the “gay marriage” issue, I live in a fairly conservative Midwest town and so the issue just doesn’t hit home for me. I don’t know anyone struggling to get married or start a family. Your post definitely re-enforced why I believe this way – because of families JUST LIKE MINE that will be affected just because the parents are a little different than myself and my husband.

    On one hand, the red equality sign being plastered on my Facebook gave me a lot of hope. I honestly didn’t realize that I have THAT many friends that were vocal about their agreement for equal rights. It also made me sad because of a few people that posted the man/woman red picture seen in the comment you posted. The two people on my feed that posted of course are: 1) on her third marriage and one of the most judgmental, hypocritical people I know (she’s the mom of one of my husband’s friends), and 2) a girl who had premarital sex and got pregnant out of wedlock in high school…and the father of her baby just up and left. So I was kind of wondering why they use their faith and belief in the bible to justify their anti-gay marriage stance, when clearly, they do not follow the bible themselves.

    I used to keep to myself regarding politics and religion, but I’ve become more and more vocal about it in the last year. I’m tired of the only people screaming at the top of their lungs being the Christian right. If I don’t help stand up for others, who will stand up for me when one of my beliefs of lifestyle choices comes under fire?

    • Barbara, your words are kind and I appreciate your support. Your examples of ‘sanctity of marriage’ are the exact reason I am always confused! 😛 You shared my blog on Facebook?! How awesome a compliment. Thanks again for reading, Barbara, you brighten my day with your comments. 🙂

      • Yep! Part of what I commented along with the blog link was that your post opens the door and lets you peek inside at a family whose lifestyle is different than yours, but yet – is it really so different? You’re a family, just like millions of other Americans…planning for your family’s future, stressed over a teething baby, worried about your partner’s health. That all sounds pretty normal to me, and it sucks that some people don’t/can’t/won’t see that.

        I can’t imagine what people would do if THEY didn’t have the right they take for granted…what I would do if someone had told me I wasn’t allowed to marry my husband. I just keep telling myself that they are “on the wrong side of history,” and that eventually, families like yours will get the same rights as everyone else.

  4. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself or your relationships. It’s no one’s freaking business who you love. I think that FB post was insensitve (many are), and I wouldn’t consider a person like that to be a friend–just an acquaintance who has been brainwashed into thinking that they should judge for others….Your partner and coparent deserves the same respect and treatment as anyone else’s…

    • @dam, I definitely agree! Hopefully, soon, we won’t have to worry about the way things are now – maybe things will change and we won’t have to defend ourselves any longer!

  5. Hello Rachael,

    I hope I finally got your name right, I’m sorry that I’ve been spelling it wrong. Sometimes it’s hard for me to read certain fonts.

    This was the article that I had mentioned on Debbie’s blog weeks ago. It’s so tragic, yet so beautifully written. I used to be against gay marriage, but I’ve been working out my prejudices since becoming an atheist. I am terribly sorry for the hurt you’ve gone through and for the pain of knowing that certain laws affect your family negatively, even more so in death!

    Thank you for sharing this, I was a blubbering mess the first time I read it.

    • Aw, Charity! I’m glad you were impacted by this post. It’s one of the most emotional I have written in a while. I am glad to know it made an impact on you!

  6. Rachael,

    I was never one to use the f word, and I hated references like “fruits, nuts and flakes’, so much so I think people knew not to talk that junk around me because I rarely ever heard it. Now I’m much more sensitive to it, and am NEVER around anyone who would be so mean.

    We must always go back to “two consenting adults, and NO ONE is getting hurt, what’s the big deal?!

    Trust me, there’s an awful lot of intact, heterosexual marriages out there that are full of hurt and cruelty.

    Hope you all had a great day today. I will talk to you later.

  7. Pingback: Love is Love … Even 10 Years Later | Religion: Optional

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