If You Are Against My Family, Are We Really Friends?

I’m so upset right now. I can’t decide what to do. I am posting this on Facebook, as I always do, so it’s possible that this person will see the post. I’m not really upset at the person who posted this, I’m more upset with the people she is associated with. I know her to be a decent and kind person. I know her to be a loving mother and a beautiful spirit. And yet, this blog post is something that she posts for the world to see.

The post itself makes valid points, and I don’t know the writer’s stand on Gay Marriage, it makes no difference to me. I think right now, I am more upset about one comment on my friend’s post. A comment that I would hope someone would stand up against. But, it won’t be me. Why? Because I don’t want to blast this friend’s Facebook wall with debates and hatred.

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But, the idea that this had to be said at all, hurts my heart. Make up extra rights?! Really? I’m so confused. I am literally appalled that my friend knows someone like this. She is kind and generous and loving – all the things that I was taught God wants us to be. And this person, whom I don’t know and have never met, shows me what the truth of the church is. What hatred is bred into the church.

I have to wonder, is my friend of the same mind about my family? I can’t bring myself to ask her directly. I can’t bring myself to post a reply to this comment. I want to think that she is associated with people of faith that loves everyone. That walks in the path of Jesus. The way Jesus walked.

How about, if you want to take ‘holy week’ to reflect on something, why don’t we remember that Jesus died for all our sins. How about we remember that Jesus loved the prostitute? How about we remember that God should be the only judge? Or we could remember that Jesus said to love thy neighbors? Love covers a multitude of sins? Or, if you like bible verses with actual locations in the bible, here’s one for you:

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I have never been one with strong opinions in the way the government ran things. I have never been one with strong opinions in religious politics. I’ll be the first to admit that when I went to vote for the first time, I didn’t even know the difference between being a Democrat or a Republican.

But, this hits home for me. I am taking a stand. I have, since done my research and this issue is not about religion, it’s not about politics. It’s about civil rights. It’s about humanity. It’s about fairness, equality, and justice.

I am standing here and challenging those who follow Jesus. I am challenging you that speak ‘the word of god’.

Live by the whole bible. Live by the whole word. I challenge you to re-evaluate your beliefs. I challenge you to look deep in your heart and decide where you lie. Do you lie on the side of fairness and love, as Jesus would have wanted? Or do you lie on the side of lies, hypocrisy and injustice?

So you say it’s not just religion. So you say it’s because children are better off with a mom and a dad. Let’s think for a moment about those children who have been left in a dumpster. Abandoned by their mom and dad. How about those children who were ‘accidents’ and unwanted. Are they better off with a mom and dad?

I think Punky is better off with the many Uncles, Cousins, and Grandpas she has. She is not lacking in male role models. (I hope they all don’t mind me putting them out for the public to see) I am proud that Punky has so many awesome men in her life!

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Do we take away the rights of Single mothers? What about the children who are being raised by their grandparents? Are they less cared for? Single mothers work their asses off. Single mothers are so full of love and life that I just can’t imagine why anyone would say those children need a dad.

Making up rights for my family?

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So, you don’t think it’s a right for me to be able to see my partner in the hospital as you can see your husband or wife? If I am lying on my death bed, my partner could be left with no solace in her grief because she couldn’t be next to me as I die. That’s a disservice to me and my partner. We have been together for 10 years. TEN YEARS.

But our love is not as committed as yours? Which one of yours? Your first marriage or your third? Our love isn’t the same as yours. For those who feel like this is simply a sexual thing. What goes on in my bedroom is really no one’s business, but we haven’t had sexual things as a focus of our relationship for years.

I love my partner the way anyone loves their spouse. She and I have been through more and weathered more hardships than most straight couples could weather in a year. We stand strong in the face of adversity. We don’t back down, we don’t break up.

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I like to think our relationship and our love is the true interpretation of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Stop and think a moment about what will happen to your children if you were to die suddenly tomorrow? Would your child be in the care of your spouse? Of course, no questions asked. Mine will not be. My child is likely to be plucked from the only home she knows. The only family she knows.

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If I were to die tomorrow, my partner has no legal rights to her daughter. She has no legal standing to keep our daughter safe. Tell me that is better for our child’s mind and spirit? Tell me that my daughter is better off taken from the only parent she knows. The one person she loves more than anything and the one parent who has taken care of her, loved her, kept her safe, tucked her in at night, fed her, and comforted her for the entire year she has been alive.

Tell me she is better off in a strangers care. She’s not.

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Now, tell me where the rights are being made up?

My heart hurts. I am sick to my stomach. I have never been more passionate about anything in my entire life. My family’s life is hanging in the balance. My family is being affected and now, my mother’s instinct is on full blast.

I’m no longer worried about making friends. I am no longer worried about losing friends. I am no longer worried about offending people. I am no longer worried about being an outcast. I am worried about my family being accepted.

If you can’t get on board with that, I don’t need you in my life.

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Realistic Expectations

So, usually, I have a reason for my posts, something that I want to talk about. Then my partner, K brought up that I don’t talk about the bad times. The times when I am so freaking overwhelmed with my life as a woman, a lesbian, a mother, a partner, a working mom, as a daughter, as a human being with injustices. I am always filled with love and butterflies when I talk about my daughter and our life as a family.

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Realistically, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows.

Realistically, it’s a hard road we travel on sometimes.

Realistically, it’s not always the easiest thing to come home from work.

Realistically, it’s not the happiest moment to go to work.

Realistically, I want to get married and have a protection set for my family if something happens to me. The weight on my shoulders, as the biological mother to our daughter, leaves me with stress and worry about something happening to me on a regular basis.

The what – if’s and the rants and the thoughts and the questions will never be satisfied until they come to pass. Until the day I can say, “Finally, our family is the same as yours.”

This stems from a lot of things, the Supreme Court hearings and the lack of sleep due to a teething toddler.

Mostly, it started when I realized,  our medical insurance is moving to a high deductible plan. This plan will be administered by the rules of the government. Which means, because K is not my tax dependent, I can’t cover her like I would be able to if she was a male. This isn’t the fault of the entity providing my insurance, they allow me to add my same-sex domestic partner on their coverage. However, the government will not recognize this.

My partner has a multitude of illnesses that require her therapy and prescriptions that we could not afford if we didn’t have insurance. We are seriously looking at the fact that we won’t have insurance for her soon. That is a scary thing. She’s the stay at home mommy and I am sure that not having her therapy and prescriptions will negatively affect her and Punky.

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So, yes, I am stressed out. Yes, I am worried. Yes, I am trying my best to hold that together, because I just don’t understand why things are so unfair. Why can’t we just have the same thing as married straight couples? Because GOD said it’s not right?

Has anyone actually had a conversation with GOD? Has GOD made my family’s well-being His personal mission? It’s okay to pick and choose what we feel GOD thinks is right or wrong and only use the pieces we like? When is that acceptable in any circumstance? It’s not.

I have no problems with anyone who believes in GOD. I have no problems with people who want to worship as they wish. But, just because I don’t believe the same thing you do, doesn’t mean I am not entitled to the same rights as you.

I am still a human being. I was still created by your GOD. I was still made in HIS image and should be afforded the same rights to happiness and kindness and love. At least, that’s what people in the church say.

GOD loves everyone. GOD made everyone. GOD doesn’t make mistakes. GOD can be the only judge. GOD is love and kindness and mercy.

And then, the church spits on me. Instead of treating me with love. Instead of saying I’m made in the way that god made me and the way I was supposed to be, everything happens for a reason. Was my being gay, specifically for me to go to HELL? Really? God made certain people to just punish them ultimately in the end?

That doesn’t make a damn bit of sense to me.

 

This is my main stress in my life right now. Add on top of this the fact that we have a toddler going through a lot of changes. She is teething hardcore. She’s also been taken off of formula and drinks at bed.

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She has been moved to regular milk during the day, but we are trying to get her out of the habit of drinking something at bed. That’s been kind of a pain in the ass right now. But, mostly because she’s teething and I know that’s part of the problem.

It will pass. I’m sure. We got her teething necklace in the mail today, so I will be anxious to see if this amber necklace works. I’m curious to hear from other mamas who have tried them. I have heard nothing but good things about them.

Maybe soon, we can get back to this face:

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Seeing Red For Gay Marriage

CAM00483I  have been sitting glued to my computer screen with live updates on ABC all day. I am in a constant state of nausea and nervousness and I hear the decisions won’t even be made until June. I’m sitting here wearing my red t-shirt, in near tears from the overwhelming sea of red that I find on my Facebook feed from supporters in my own family and friends.

Proposition 8 (commonly known as Prop 8) is before the United States Supreme Court today, and the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) has its day tomorrow. I am on pins and needles, because these things seriously effect my family and it affects my daughter’s future.

The future of my child’s life is in the hands of someone else and it scares me to death. I am still overwhelmed by the different possibilities that may happen as a result of this monumental event.

I can only hope that it will go our way and we can be treated equal, finally. I am dreaming of a wedding. I am hoping for a marriage. I’m hoping to be treated like my family members, like my friends, like my co-workers.

It’s not about religion, it’s not about a GOD. It’s about human rights. It’s about real people, about the rights of my daughter. It’s about the stability of our family. It’s about dignity and about equality. It’s about loving thy neighbor. It’s about being compassionate.

It doesn’t matter your religious views. It doesn’t matter what you belief or don’t believe in religiously. It’s about what is right or wrong. It’s wrong to discriminate. It’s wrong to call me less of an American because of who I love. It’s wrong to tell my daughter her parents are less than normal. It’s wrong to pass judgement on another human being.

We all deserve to be treated equal. We all deserve to be loved. We all deserve to love one another.

Because I am so overwhelmed with this, I just don’t have the words to convey how much this impacts me. Instead, I have decided to let other people say it for me.

10 Ways DOMA Affects Families Like Mine

A Picture is Worth More Than Words

Equality Thoughts from my Straight Friend

How DOMA Hurts Real Families

And the one who said it the best today, was my very dear friend. I found this post on my Facebook wall, and I hope that he doesn’t mind that I stole it. It really puts all my thoughts and feeling into words I can’t really find.

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“This week, I PRAY for the US Supreme Court Justices. I PRAY that of those who are Christian, they look to their morality and Jesus’ teaching that LOVE knows no bounds and all should be treated with respect, dignity, and LOVE. 

For all of the Justices, I pray they will use their internal knowing of what is right and wrong; as well as the Constitution and the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS as a guide. I PRAY they will remember that their job is a legal one and should not be swayed simply because of a belief they hold religiously. They have a LEGAL job to do. It is only God’s decision who shall be judged upon their sins – NOT that of a government, court, or, dare I say, the people. 

My prayers are with the nine HUMANS who have to make a decision about what is LEGALLY and MORALLY right; NOT what is RELIGIOUSLY right. I hope ALL Americans can respect that even if a decision is handed down that doesn’t match your RELIGIOUS beliefs, it is NOT a cause for you to be upset. This isn’t a question of RELIGION. It’s a question of HUMANITY.” — G.A.

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So, with that, I put out my own hopes and dreams and I land them on the shoulders of 9 people. 9 people who can hand me equality or take it away. 9 people who can tell my daughter that she will be okay with her two mothers. 9 people who can say to the world, it’s time to stand up and treat our fellow Americans as one.

I’m no less and no more than you. My family is no less and no more than  you. I just want to be able to stand up and tell my daughter it’s okay to love and it’s okay to be who you are.

The Most Annoying Question …. Right Now

When we were first announcing we were pregnant, oh, almost 2 years ago. The question that irritated me the most was “How Did This Happen?”. Now, that question doesn’t really bother me. Ask me how we conceived our daughter and I have no problem telling you how it happened. And much more cordially than when I was first pregnant.

Now.

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I swear since Peyton turned one, people joke about having another baby. When are you having another one? Are you ready for another one? Don’t you think Peyton needs a sibling? Blah, Blah, Blah.

Would I love to love another child? Yes. I would – my life was never envisioned with just one child in our lives.

However, when I get asked that question, I have to through the awkward motions of reminding these people just hard difficult it was for us to get the first one. I don’t mind answering the question “How did this Happen?” I do mind reminding you because you didn’t get it the first time.

We had to find a donor. We had to find a donor who was willing and ready to give us a child and want nothing in return. We had to chart and take temps and go through the motions of figuring out the ovulation crap. We had to host said donor in our home for a week. I had to … well, you know … twice a day for a week. While my partner was in another room. Ouch. I know. Awkward? You don’t have to tell us!

That week was physically and emotionally draining. A normal relationship is not built to withstand that kind of trauma more than once. Hell, it shouldn’t have withstood it once. That experience did a lot of things for me, but it instilled the further truth that K and I are meant to be. If we can stand through that time, we can stand through anything.

I won’t complain about the beginnings of our conception, because once we went through the initial 5 months of planning and the one week of trying, we were pregnant. We were the lucky ones. I have no reason to complain.

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I did hate being pregnant. I had no reason to hate it. I just hated it. I felt claustrophobic and anxious the entire 10 months I was pregnant. I was constantly checking my toilet paper and  my pelvic bone shifted and made it difficult and painful to walk sometimes. Otherwise, I had no morning sickness, no real cravings and no absurd amounts of weight gain.

I like to think I still would do it again. If the road to a second child wasn’t filled with obstacles and hurdles. I’m not talking the baby gate hurdles, which I have gotten very good at, I am talking about finances. I am talking about emotions. I am talking about logistics. I am just not sure we could withstand another round.

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Also, I love our little girl to bits. To teeny tiny pieces and every single hair on her head. I love all her little pores and her sharp cannibal teeth. I love EVERY tiny little thing about her.

I like that I only have her. I like that I can spend as much undivided attention on her. I like that she can be my favorite and I don’t have to be afraid to admit it. I like that I can buy her a present and I don’t have to worry about getting one of equal size or caliber for someone else. I like that I can pick her up and swing her around and dance and sing her favorite songs with her. I can give her both my arms and wrap them around her little body and squeeze her tight.

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What if we had a second kid? Would she still be as special to me as she is right now? I’m sure she would be, but I wouldn’t have the time or energy to devote to her. I wouldn’t be able to call her my favorite. I wouldn’t be able to shower her with love and attention like I do right now. I wouldn’t be able to smother her with all my kisses, instead she would have to share them!

So, to answer that irritating question. Yes, I would love to have another child. Will we have another child? Who knows. But, I highly doubt it.

I just don’t know if I have room in my heart for another little one. Peyton is the miracle baby I have never believed could be real. She became real a year ago and I just can’t imagine feeling this way in equal measure for another child. The day she was born, at the very moment this picture was taken, she filled up my whole heart and soul with her tiny little face.

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Of course, we doubted we would have one child and I am still in awe we have her. So, who knows what the future holds for our family.

However, bringing up the fact that we ‘need’ or ‘should have’ a second child just grates on my nerves. It brings up thoughts and feelings I don’t want to explain and I don’t want to experience right now.

Dear Peyton – A Year Has Gone By

Dear Peyton,

It’s been a long time since I have written a letter to you and I think I will do that now. Mommy is still in awe of you. I am still trying to wrap my head around the little baby that has suddenly grown into a toddler. It still brings me to tears when I see you playing with your toys in the middle of the living room floor and it still brightens my day when you laugh out loud.

It’s such an exciting time for our family right now. Just in terms of the things you are doing. We just celebrated your first birthday, and what a first birthday it was! You are walking like a little pro now, though I really wish you would learn how to watch where you are walking. It may have saved a few chin and forehead bruises if you wouldn’t just trample everything in your path. I hope you are learning that your toy box is bigger than you, and you can’t just walk into it and expect it to move.

Mommy is really concerned about making the transition from formula to real milk. I know you like real milk, but we always said we wouldn’t put you to bed with a drink. We have been doing that up until this little conversation. I’m really afraid if we take that bottle away, your sleep routine will fly out the window. I sure hope I don’t have to sit through another round of crying it out.

While we are on the subject of crying it out, I want you to know that I felt super guilty about that, but I don’t regret it. I want you to know that I am certain you will have no long lasting negative effects because you cried it out as a baby. I also want to thank you for taking it easy on my heart and only having to cry it out for a few days before you got the hang of that sleep thing. If you could, please give Mommy’s heart a break if we have to do it again. You have been so great at that.

Since I am bringing up things you can consider giving your moms a break on; let’s work on not throwing our food on the floor. You see that your moms eat with fork and spoon, and though you still eat with your fingers, it would really help me out, if you could leave the food on your high chair tray. I know you think the cats are hungry, I promise they are not. Look at Kane, he’s twice the size of a normal cat! He really doesn’t need your help, sweetie. Besides, if you throw your food on the floor, Mommy has to spend time away from playing with you to clean it up.

I love sitting in the floor and rolling the ball around. I look forward to taking you to Gymboree, which is why I get so frustrated when you won’t take a nap and we can’t go! I absolutely can’t wait until I get off work and I can come home to sing and dance to the Giggle Bellies with you. I know I am not home with you as often as I would like, and it hurts my heart most days.

However, just remember, that I will spend as much time as I can with you and in the next few months, with summer coming, we will make special trips to the park a regular thing on the weekends. I can’t wait until we can go out for ice cream when you can spoon feed yourself!

After this first year has now flown by, I am beginning to realize that I have a daughter. An actual daughter. I have always known, logically, that I have a daughter. Now, I can let that sink in emotionally. I have a daughter and I will be able to raise you in ways I never was. I can spend time with you in ways that I didn’t have.

I have to apologize now, you will have the childhood I didn’t have growing up. I hope you will find it in your heart to be patient with me. To let me live through you. We will do things I didn’t do, we will experience things I didn’t experience. I will make sure you have plenty of moments in your life that you can look back and say, “I was a happy kid.” that’s all I ever want for you. To be a happy kid.

Love,

Mommy

Peyton’s Dr. Seuss Extravaganza!

I had intended to take more pictures. I had intended to do more things. I swear, her party was not as awesome or as awesomely documented as I would have liked. It was a nice party and everyone seemed to enjoy it! Most of all the birthday girl. I didn’t take nearly as many pictures as I would have liked, but my partner’s sister did, so I will get those and when I do, I might do a part 2 of the party.

So I spent a ton of time Pinning things on Pintrest for inspiration and things. I made the decorations for the party, but it was much cooler in my head. I spent a ton of time on this, and didn’t really take great pictures of them. But, in the end, the result was pretty cool.

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I had an awesome woman at work who made Punky’s party dress. I love it! That is one of my favorite parts of the party is seeing her in this dress. Since the theme was Dr. Seuss, I found the most awesome dress and had someone make something similar. She looked like a tiny little Cindy Lou Woo. I freaking love it and she only tried to eat it in the car seat!

partydressAgain, I wish I had taken more pictures, because I would have gotten more of other people holding Punky. Especially of my partner holding her. As it stands, I don’t have those pictures, hopefully someone else took them. My brother and my mom came up to visit though and I did get that picture, which was great. They live a good 3 hours away and made a special trip just for her first birthday party, so it was great!

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I had another girl at work who made her cake and the cake pops for our guests. She did an awesome job as well. Punky really enjoyed her cake. I have the most pictures of her eating the cake and really digging into it. We had to actually put her hand in the cake because she didn’t want to touch it. Then once she licked her hand of the cake, she just used her pincer grasp to pick up tiny pieces of cake. It was kind of cute, she was being such a lady!

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I took more pictures, but these were my favorites in each category. When I get more I will post some. All in all, we have a great bunch of family and friends and we are so thankful for each and every one of them. I know that attending a party for a one year old is a little silly and having one is even more silly, but she’s pretty much a miracle kid to me.

She’s the dream I never thought we would have come true, so to be able to celebrate such an awesome milestone in her life, is more of a big deal to us than to her. I’m just glad we have the chance to have a party for a one year old at all!

Besides, this face right here, was worth any pictures I couldn’t get at the party! This is one of her presents from her uncle and aunt. She loves this thing and her expression when she first saw it out of the package just lit up my day!

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We also had her one year pictures taken by my very good best friend. She says she hates every picture she took, mostly because our kid is so busy and moving around she wasn’t very cooperative. Not because she’s not adorable! I haven’t seen them yet, but I am sure they are awesome, because my friend does an awesome job with any subject she is given! So, we get some of those edited and looked at, I may be able to show off this super adorable dress more!

Ten Things You Learn In the First Year Of Motherhood

1. First and foremost, you will understand why some people might want to shake a baby. Look, I’m not ashamed to admit that I have looked into those angelic eyes in the first three months of her life and wanted to shake the piss out of her. Did I? Well, absolutely not. But I sure felt like it. I won’t soon forget the 4 month sleep regression period, where it was the worse. The kid was sleeping great and then BOOM four months rolls around and she’s got to be rocked and patted and I’m running on fumes. Do psychotic people shake babies, yes? Am I psychotic? Not yet, but I have been on the edge of that line before.

2. Breastfeeding is HARD WORK. It didn’t work for me. From the latch to the public feedings, my breasts were too big for the baby’s head and I felt like I was suffocating her constantly. Instead of nursing, I pumped. I f’ing hated pumping. Not because it was uncomfortable, I might have gone longer if it hadn’t been for work. Legally, they have to give you a quiet, private room to pump. However, it’s really hard to do that in a work setting and I would be home engorged and uncomfortable. If you are a working mommy, plan ahead for the breastfeeding plans.

3. Some people don’t cut it out as a stay at home mom. I’m one of those people. I can’t be the stay at home mom. I just can’t do it. I go stir crazy and need me-time more than our baby would really allow. I love my kid, I do. But working is where I need to be. I am bored at home and there is only so many pictures I can take of her or so much Facebook time I can have in a day.

4. Babies are like little goats in human form. They WILL eat anything, stick ANYTHING in their mouths and will devour just about anything. Especially when teething. Speaking of teething, I know it’s exciting to see those little buds of white pop through the gums. Step back slowly. Back away and DON’T stick your finger in there! You stuck your finger in there, too, didn’t you? Yea, baby teeth suck.

5. Sleep training is my favorite phrase. I know there are people out there that don’t like the phrase. Hell, I don’t really like the verbiage of the phrase, but the sentiment is the same. Train that kid to sleep. Seriously. I resisted the idea of crying it out, I didn’t want to do it. In fact, my partner had to sit on me the first night. However, when I saw it working, I am all for suggesting it when someone asks. Punky is on a sleep clock like nobody’s business. She’s up at the same time, she naps at the same time, she sleeps at the same time. And she’s so trained, she initiates each thing on her own and knows when it will happen.

6. Don’t feed the kid chili. Ok, look. I am pretty sure I know this was a bad idea. However, I wasn’t really thinking about it. The pediatrician said at 8 months old, Punky could eat anything we are eating, just break it up in little pieces. Ok! So, we are having chili. I give her chili. If you have not seen soupy poop, you haven’t fed your kid chili. Good for you! I now know what soupy poop looks like and I would prefer to never know again.

7. On that same note, don’t put your kid to bed without pants. Seriously. Though, especially put pants on the kid on a night where chili was involved. Why you ask? They are just going to get their pants yucked up, you say. Yes, they will poop through their diaper and through their pants. It’s nothing compared to taking the diaper off and flinging it around the play pen. I only hear the horror stories second hand on that one. My partner got to deal with the aftermath of my feeding the child chili and then not putting her to bed with pants on. See # 3 – I’m a working mommy for a reason!

8. All the good cartoon characters talk to you. No, I don’t mean they are talking and have dialogue  I mean, they talk to you. So that you can answer and have a conversation. Don’t be surprised when you talk back or tap your toes to that song you have heard a billion and one times. It’s going to happen. Smile and nod and just let it go. There are worst things in life than telling Steve where the damn clue is.

9. There must be some sort of magic cleaning solution in baby wipes. Who needs soap and water? Who needs cleaning products? I wipe everything down with baby wipes. The kids hands? Sure. The kitchen table, you betcha! Anything that needs a good wipe down gets a baby wipe and elbow grease. So far, the only thing to defeat the baby wipe is my daughter’s cowlick. That hair is indestructible and incredibly impossible to tame!

10. The best sound in the world is my daughter’s laugh. In the last year, that is what I have learned the most. I will say, her tiny voice when she says small words comes in second place. I will do anything to make this kid giggle and laugh. Right now, that means she gets to jump on me, poke me in the eye, chase me around the living room on newly minted toddler walking toes. It doesn’t matter, at the end of a hard day, or at the end of a whirlwind roller coaster of a first year, motherhood boils down to that one thing.

The laugh.

Time Has Gone Too Fast!

I’m frantically trying to get everything ready for Punky’s party. She is for real going to be ONE in two days. Her party is on Sunday. I have a complete and utter extravaganza planned …. in my head. Yes, I know, I know, you would think with the party date looming I would have more done! Well, I’m the worst procrastinator EVER.

Anyway, Punky is starting to have conversations with me and it’s damn adorable. I just can’t believe we are approaching the one year mark. It’s coming up so quickly that I just stand in awe and look at her sometimes. She toddles across the living room with no problems. I walk in the door from work and she looks up and smiles. And she SAYS HI. Like actually vocalizes the word HI.

F’ing astonishing! Really.

I swear I still can’t believe we have a kid. I am still living in the biggest dream state and have been living there for nearly 2 years since we found out we were pregnant. I don’t know if that feeling will ever go away. I’m in complete amazement that the impossible has become impossible.

We have been one of the luckiest couples on the planet. We have an amazing and incredibly generous donor who asks for nothing in return. We conceived the very first attempt. I had no complications or morning sickness during pregnancy (unless you count sleeping on the couch for 8 of the 9 months), my labor was easy peasy (with the help of an epidural, which was the most traumatic part), our kid is the best sleeper in the world and has been from day one, she freaking listens and comprehends, she loves the camera which is awesome since I take a ton of pictures!

Anyway, I suppose what I am really getting at is that this has been one whirlwind of a ride and I am so glad we have this little one in our lives. She is my very heartbeat. My soul. My breath.

Can you find our daughter?

Can you find our daughter?CIMG4608 CIMG4606