So, I read a blog on Babble.com written by a lesbian woman who is trying to conceive with her partner. She wrote a blog about The Questions That Are OK To Ask Gay Parents and it got me thinking. These are questions that I asked myself and my partner. It inspired me to write my own blog. I decided to break it into different questions though. I have already tackled: Who Will Carry?
How Did You Decide What Last Name To Give The Baby?
After the long and drawn out conversation about who would carry, I was more determined than ever to make sure that Kim felt as included in this baby’s growth before and after it was born. It didn’t take me any time at all to come to terms with the naming. I quickly wanted to make sure she had control of the naming of our child. Completely.
|I always knew she was a girl!
Everyone else swore I was having a boy
I knew better.
We sort of tackled this once before
. In the beginning, I basically wanted Kim to have the control. She had names picked out for a boy and a girl right off the bat. I thought for sure she would change her mind, but she never did. We knew were were pregnant at about 4 weeks. From that moment on, Peyton was Peyton Shea Fields. We didn’t know she was a girl, well … I did know she was a girl (But, that’s another story, for another day).
If I had been in charge of her name, I might have chosen something to honor my friend who passed away 10 years ago. If I had been in charge of her name, I wouldn’t have incorporated the meaning behind her name the way that Kim did. I’m just glad she didn’t try to name her Spiderman or Valkyrie. She threatened it. I couldn’t have vetoed it. That was the deal. I trusted that Kim would give our daughter a name as beautiful as she would be. Kim didn’t disappoint in that department.
We looked into what last name to give our child. That was a tough decision. Mostly because I wasn’t sure, in the beginning, what was allowed and legal to put on the birth certificate. In the state of Missouri, we are not allowed to be legally married, so Kim can’t be on the birth certificate. I left the father slot blank. That’s a story for another day as well.
Apparently, though you can’t have same sex parents on a birth certificate, you can give your baby whatever last name you want. I don’t understand that. However, it doesn’t really matter. In a way, its nice to have Peyton have her Mama’s last name. It creates yet another link to Kim as her Mother as well. They have the same last name. She may not be biologically connected, but Peyton and Kim share something few mothers and daughters share.
A name. Not only did we give Peyton Kim’s last name, we gave her Kim’s middle name. So they are both sporting Shea as a middle name and I think its beautiful. I am so happy that we found a way to keep them connected as mother and daughter. I don’t care what the law says, I don’t care what anyone else says. Our little girl has two mommies and I am glad we could connect them just a little more with their names.
Later, I will tackle the other questions mentioned in the inspired blog post I read: What Will Your Child Call You? Will You Discuss The Donor With Your Child? What Do You Do On Father’s Day?
PS. I just learned of a family who may not be in the exact same boat as me, but I do know what its like to be trying to have a child and being hit with difficulty. The Hogelands are currently in the process of bringing home and adopting their 5 year old daughter from Europe. They are having a giveaway and fundraiser. Check it out here. I feel like its a good cause and another one that I will gladly support on my blog.