I tend to forget I am pregnant. Aside from the “I need a nap” days and the “My God my boobs are huge” days, I don’t feel any different. Its kind of odd.
Its so odd that I am beginning to worry. I have experienced spotting and streaking and a little bit of black clotty stuff here and there and yet, the doctor, over the phone, techniquely through his nurse, says everything is fine unless I am gushing blood. My partner believes them, and she says I am just getting worked up for nothing. SO. I will calm the hell down.
But! I admit, I haven’t vomited, except when I brush my teeth a few times, and I going through cycles of constipation/diarrea every three days. I will not feel better about this until I can feel my little one kick me. I know, most people don’t really relish in the idea of the baby kicking them, but given the way we did this, I just want the child to kick me. Just once.
I know I should be counting my blessings that I am simply mildly nauseous, but I am not experiencing the morning, noon, and night sickness, but damnit, I really just am too freaked out.
My mother and my sister, I can tell, think I am crazy, since I don’t eat tuna, and I don’t want a C-Section, and I don’t want to be induced, unless absolutely necessary, but frankly, I don’t care if they think I’m nuts. I don’t have a penis on speed dial. I really will be devastated if I lose this child.
I have no indication that it will happen or that it is immenient, but I can’t be the ONLY first time mom out there who has panicked at the slightest hint of red or checked her toilet paper like a Nazi!