A Rose By Any Other Name….

So we went to the Social Security office to get a replacement card for Miss Punky. We figured since we were already there, we might as well get my name changed, since it takes forever to drive there and it’s a pain in the ass to go there.

We found out that Missouri is STILL in appeal, thus we can’t change my name.

So does that mean we are really married? I don’t know. I still go by that name,but it makes things confusing when we have to do legal stuff like applications and job stuff. Signing up for things and the like is difficult, because I have to remember which name I have given to people in order to be consistent.

It’s just a little disheartening that we have a marriage license, its signed and paid for. And yet, I can’t legally change my name and it’s just a name – it’s not a validation of our marriage or our commitment to each other. It’s just sad that we have to go through all these hoops and then I see comments on my news feed in regards to politics and religion that want to tear down the basis of my family. All the while, these same people saying things like “I don’t agree with your position on this, but you know I love your family.”

Obviously … I just don’t see the logic behind that.

People are always, in my mind, entitled to their opinion, though I would appreciate less platitudes from my ‘friends’ in regards to my family. If you support certain politicians or certain laws being put in place, that’s great, but it doesn’t do me any confidence, only some kind of band-aid, for you to say, “But, it doesn’t really apply to you!”

I mean really. It’s like saying “I don’t like your lifestyle and you are probably going to hell, but I love you anyway.” That statement is so contradictory. I just don’t understand and I generally ignore these comments, internalize them. I just brush them off and pretend it doesn’t matter, because it won’t matter to the person I attempt to educate. Because these people, who say things like this don’t know what it’s like to live the life I live, in the family I live. To be me. People think they know, but they don’t. It’s not your experience, you have no idea.

And of course, this is all over a damn name change.

Anyway! Onto more exciting news!

Miss Punky will be three on Saturday!

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With my issues with work right now, and my sudden stay at home status – money has been tight. I’m used to giving her the giant parties and celebrating her birthday with lots and lots of love, family, friends, and decorations. Unfortunately, this year, the big extravaganza is not an option. I’m sad about it, but it’s my hang up. I know that she won’t remember, I know the parties are more for me than for her. I know that, in my logical mind.

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Play glasses from the eye doctor recycle bin.

But, in my effort to make Punky’s childhood more fun and more child-like than mine was. So, I parent out of my own guilt and out of my own trauma. I know that – with my therapist’s help, I get it. But, I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

I just have to remember that I’m the best mom I can be. No amount of money, no amount of parties or things will change that. So, before we ran out of money, I purchased two tickets to Disney on Ice for myself and Punky. I’ve never been before, but it looks like something she will really enjoy.

She got a birthday present in the mail from a relative out of town, so I will be using that box to put together an extra special “invitation from Minnie Mouse” to enjoy the show!

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I’m also going to be making her an outfit sent in the box from Minnie Mouse for her to wear to the show. I am making her a shirt with Minnie Mouse on the front and “It’s My Birthday” and on the back it will have her name and the number 3, like a jersey. Pair that shirt with a tutu skirt, tights, and her high tops, she’s going to be set.

I have also been holding onto a very pretty sparkly necklace with a Minnie Mouse Pendant for her to wear with her outfit.

Along with all my lofty goals, I want to do her hair with this tutorial. It’s going to be fantastic if I can get her to sit still long enough!

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So the box will be on the porch for her. I can’t decide if I should give it to her the night before or the morning of! Decisions, Decisions.

My little Punky will have a great third birthday, I just want her to have fun and enjoy being a kid. I just want her to stay as sweet and innocent as she is when she sleeps! This is the best way I can do it.

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Along with her Disney on Ice experience, her godparents are planning a miniature party for her as well on her birthday at their house and then next week, we are having a tea party for her and her little friends here at our house.

So, not a giant party, but it will hopefully still be as special as she is! Because, boy do we love this little girl so much!

Unexpected Stay at Home Mom

I haven’t actually left my job, but my anxiety has gotten so bad that I have taken out a personal leave from work. It’s paid – sort of. I get paid in full until my paid time runs out and then they will pay me 60% of my pay. It’s not the most ideal situation, but it’s something. I guess, if I’m going to have a complete and utter mental break, it’s good to have the support of family.

My sister-in-law just got me on with a company to do some work from home stuff. So far, it’s pretty good and it’s been getting me out of the house, on my own terms. Its been opening up my horizons and in the process, I get access to some great quality, organic, all natural products. I never really cared about being “green” or “organic” or whatever, but if it’s going to help me earn some income and stay at home – well we do what we have to do.

I know that the east side of the country has FEET of snow, that’s nuts. We got a few inches recently. Our first REAL snow finally. Miss Punky has been itching to really get her hands in the snow. Really get in there and make snow angels. Mostly, snow angels. We had a small snow and we went out about a month ago, but it didn’t stay around and it wasn’t any real accumulation to do anything with.

So yesterday, she got a great little with her cousins in the snow.

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I always thought that I wouldn’t want to be a stay at home mom. That I just wouldn’t be cut out for it. And working was my solace. I was not a stay at home mom for a reason. Being home drove me nuts. But, I find lately, I can’t get myself to leave her side. It’s emotional. And I love that I can see all the things she’s doing. I can be involved in all her new creations. Her imagination.

Just last night we had a rousing game of Bathtub Drive Thru.

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So, this is a turn in my story, I didn’t expect. And I do plan to go back to work – after I can get myself back on track. But, who knows, being at home has helped me feel better, has calmed my anxiety, perhaps it’s the right move to make. Everything is up in the air, but so far, I’m enjoying the moments I have with her, the snuggles, the random kisses. And the stories, all the stories and songs she share with me.

I am enjoying not missing a thing.

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Hi My Name is Rachael, And I’m A Pinterest Mom

Yes. I have a little obsession.

It’s called the Pinterest party. I also have another obsession.

It’s called a daughter.

So, once again, it’s that time of year, where we get all sides of her family (PS, that’s huge) and put them in one room and say, “CELEBRATE OUR KID!”

I know –

So people think its weird. Some people think its over the top. Some people thought we would just go all out for her first birthday but the rest would be low-key. Some people think we spoil her. Some people think its too much.

Her MOMMY thinks its awesome.

And this is the first year that Miss Punky will be interested in actually participating.

She picked out the theme this year. Her first birthday was Dr. Seuss. Her second was Cars.

I’m sure you are dying to know what she picked. SURPRISE SURPRISE!

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It does help that her Mommy is a graphic designer and a party planner in her spare time. So with all the practice I get in my Etsy Shop (SHAMELESS PLUG: While on the subject, don’t forget, ladies with recent BFP, you get a 50% discount in my shop that caters to same-sex baby shower invitations! Just use the coupon code BFP50 at time of purchase) making invitations, this one, was a no brainer.

Minnie AND Mickey must be equally featured in her party this year. But she prefers the pink Minnie to the red Minnie, so it’s making things very, very difficult. So, we will have a dance party (for the hotdog dance of course), a homemade Minnie Mouse pinata, and Grammy is making a Minnie and Mickey cake, and a bow making station!

I am also – if all things go according to plan, taking her to see Disney on Ice. Where she will get to see Minnie and Mickey on ice – for her actual birthday. Just Punky and Mommy. Something special for the two of us to do together. I’m quite excited about it. It will be a surprise and I plan on getting her all dressed up in her Minnie Mouse costume from Halloween or buying a new dress up Minnie Mouse dress from Walmart I saw the other day – because really, who doesn’t find this Minnie Mouse, simply irresistible?!

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So last year, with her party invitation, I also slipped in an update card with an updated picture and all her favorite things. Along with height, weight, phrase of the moment, things like that.

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This year, I am doing something similar – but it will be more interview style, as I will ask her questions and she will answer them. I have yet to figure out which picture from the past year I wanted to use.

So I put it to a vote on Facebook. 52 people have weighed in so far, and I’m looking for your opinions too! I can’t decide! Help me, ladies, help me pick the cutest picture to represent my darling Punky in her second year of life as she gets ready to turn THREE.

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I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that we are already planning for birthday #3. When did this happen? It makes this mommy very sad and unhappy! I miss that sass-free baby that did nothing but cuddle, sleep, and poop. LOL.

I’m not Mommy Anymore…

Which I suppose comes with the territory of being a mom to an almost three year old. Yea, that happened. This kid will be three in March. Where the hell did the time go? She’s constantly keeping me on my toes, she’s sweet when she wants to be and a monster when she feels like it.

She’s a light in my life and my eventual heart attack waiting to happen. She’s been trying to give me a heart attack with her climbing since before she could walk.

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Now she does full on performances. Usually, it starts with “Ladies and Gentlemen!” and proceeds to be some sort of dance or trick, sometimes a song or dance and if I can get video fast enough, it’s amazing.

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Did you catch the “Mom!” moment. I did. I have gone from Mommy to Mom to Mom…. my. Those two little letters, the small syllable at the end is hanging on by a thread and by the time she’s three, she may be too big for Mommy. When the hell did that happen?

When did our kid get potty trained?

When did she start saying things like “Amazing” and “Ridiculous”?

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When did our sweetness start shouting “No” and “I don’t love you anymore” when she gets mad?IMG_2473

When did she develop such compassion and beauty and kindness in her. (Our puppy ran away, Grammy was very sad, Miss Punky watched out the window for her the puppy til bedtime.)

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When did my kiddo start ‘reading’ books to me, instead of the other way around?

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I know people told me when she was born and before, when I was pregnant – to cherish the moments, don’t rush them. I took those words to heart. I took pictures. I savored the moments. I don’t think it mattered. Time went fast without me. Time rushed me. Time went and took my baby girl from helpless to helpful. From dependent to independent. From crying to singing. From climbing to … well, that hasn’t really changed.

It didn’t matter how many pictures I took. It didn’t matter how many moments we shared, how many milestones we had. She still got bigger. She still grew up. Faster than a blink of an eye. I’m in awe that our Punky is going to be three. I’m more in awe at all the things she is doing, the things she says. Its all just so amazing to me.

I just can’t believe I am planning a birthday party – again. A third birthday. Minnie and Mickey Mouse. She’s insistent. And its the one she will start interacting more with, knowing that its for her. A celebration of her. She will be three in March. Where did the time go? I just don’t know.

I do wish I could hang on to “Mommy” a little longer, though.

My Adventures in Potty Training

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The types of messages my best friend (Punky’s godmother) gets to read from me.

Potty training has been the single WORST part of parenting I have ever experienced. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m loving the idea of my kid not having to wear pull ups anymore and the financial awesomeness that comes with that.

But.

This Kid.

She’s been sitting on the potty for over a year, she knows what it is, and she’s been familiar with the potty for a long time now. We started actively trying to potty train around July. I don’t really remember, we weren’t super consistent with it.

We had tried all sorts of rewards. Stickers, candy, dances, tattoos. Blah, Blah. Nothing worked.

This kid was stubborn or not ready. I’m not sure which. But really, she was completely aware of what we were doing. She knew what it meant to be potty trained. We got lots and lots of panties for her in all her favorite characters.

We finally got around to actually being consistent. Right after the new year and the holidays. We eliminated pull ups during the day and it was sort of working. We removed her panties all together and let her run around with a bare bottom. That worked the best.

She recently asked us for panties again.

We decided to take her lead and use the panties as an incentive.

So she was able to have one pair a day. She had to take care of those or she didn’t get anymore for the day. And this strategy worked for a minute.

Then, we noticed that she was starting to stay dry at night, so when she woke up she would have a dry pull up. So, we thought maybe we would start training even more.

Grammy came up with the strategy that has seemed to work the best. That has has the most longevity.

Money. My kid is motivated by money.

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Introducing our Potty Pig. We all put our change in the potty fund and she gets a “penny” when she pees and a “nickel” when she “number 2″ and if she has no accidents all day she gets a “quarter”. I put quotes around the money value, because she has no idea what I’m handing her, but if I’m out of pennies, I may give her a nickel or if I’m out of nickels, she may get a dime. At the end of a period of time (this weekend) we will count up her potty money and she gets to go shopping with her own money and pick out her own stuff.

The pig stays up on the fire mantle, because I have noticed that the idea of having the potty pig in her hand is the incentive mostly. She loves to hold and play with delicate things. She likes to nurture them and kiss them and play with them. (We learned that with the Nativity around Christmas). So I don’t really think it’s the money, but it will be when we finally cash out the money for a special toy. I guess we will see.

So there’s a whole ritual thing we do, because we are all a bit of creatures of habit.

She then gets to dance around with the pig for a minute. Mommy dances and sings and we make a big spectacle about it. So far it’s worked out.

She’s had minimal accidents for about a week. And I have taken her to places for an hour at a time, or visit family member houses with hour potty breaks – with little to no issue. So, I thought, why not take her to the park. She’s started to recognize when she has the urge to go and she is pretty good about stopping and holding it before she has an accident.

Soooooo, I thought, let’s enjoy the nice weather we are having here in the midwest of the US. We have been having great weather. And while I am dealing with my own agoraphobia, it really stems from going anywhere without my kid, so the park was fine. I could take her to the park without an issue.

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We were there for a little over an hour. I would ask her frequently if she had to go potty. She would tell me no. We hit the hour and 15 minute mark and then … disaster struck.

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So that happened. And she had diarrhea for the rest of the day and it was what I thought would be the end of our successful streak. We waited it out a few days and then when her upset belly cleared up, I told her yesterday that if she had a day without an accidents we could go to bed without a pull up and wear panties instead.

She’s been asking for this for a few days and I had been reluctant to do it, because of her issues with diarrhea. But, yesterday, she did really well. She even took a little nap on the couch and had no accidents. I had to wake her up, sit her sleepy bottom on the potty and then she went back to sleep.

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So. we put some plastic down on her bed and bit the bullet. She ran around the house in this ridiculous outfit for quite some time when she realized that she wouldn’t have to wear a pull up to bed.

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She’d been waking up dry for about a week, so I wasn’t super worried about it, but you know – our streak was hindered for a minute, so I got concerned.

This morning, Kim posted this.

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I was reluctant to announce it to the world. Potty training really has been the single worst job of my parenting so far. And you know how it goes, you brag about your kid doing something awesome and then the kid proves you wrong and there’s some crazy setback. It’s like the, for real, law of toddler successes. Don’t post it or brag about it, because it is just a fleeting moment! Haha.

Anyway, I’m thrilled with our success, thus far. I am hoping this isn’t a fluke and we can soon announce that she is POTTY TRAINED. We are so close I can feel it, but then, here I am posting about it and bragging about it, so we will see what tomorrow holds in store!

In other happy news, my sister had her fourth baby this week. A beautiful baby girl named Aurora. I will be calling her “Rory”. She’s beautiful and healthy and hopefully her last one, cause my goodness she has her hands full with the four of her kids in her beautiful and very active family!

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Teaching Emotions To a Toddler

I’ve been in a bad place for a little over a month. I’m not really sure what the problem is. I do know that my Agoraphobia has gotten much worse. I am having the most difficult time leaving my house. I can’t decide if it’s because I don’t want to leave Punky – even though I have never wanted to be a stay at home mom – or I just can’t find the energy to do anything but sit and ponder my predicament.

Thank goodness for FMLA, because I swear, I don’t know how I would be able to do this without it. I wake up every morning and I get dressed and get ready to go to work, then something happens. Something always happens that causes my heart to race and my stomach to tighten and I just get so anxious about leaving the house.

People don’t realize that it’s the illnesses you can’t see that cause the most trouble. My therapist believes that part of the issue is that I was not allowed to express my feelings or my emotions growing up, so now I don’t know how to deal with it. Instead, I just shut down. Like now. I am just shutting down.

Going through this makes me very in tune with how I want to make sure that Punky has a different experience. It is difficult though, since she’s two and I think she’s made it to the threes early (which I hear is worse than the twos). She’s got a short temper, an attitude, and her mouth does this thing where is says mean things and does a lot of screaming. She’s sassy and strong willed and she has her own little opinions and thoughts and feelings.

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So, its pretty hard to help her see that her behavior isn’t acceptable, but she can still feel the way she feels. Basically, I don’t want to punish her for being upset or being angry or sad.

Instead. I want to help her identify the emotion she has and find a way to cope with it that is not as disruptive to the rest of the people in the house. I’m trying to do this. It’s hard when there are four adults to the one toddler and we all take care of her at the same time. It’s not always consistent, which I’m sure can be confusing for her.

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I just know that when I was a kid, if I was upset about something my parents said, it didn’t matter. If they told me no, I just had to be silent about it and not have an opinion. If they told me to do something, I wasn’t allowed to ask why or negotiate. I’m sure that’s how most people grew up. It’s probably not out of the norm for today’s parenting either.

But, I’m finding that, with my blind faith in religion and then my inability to express myself or my feelings, I have had a hard time coping with my own emotions. Instead, I bottle everything up and I don’t confront people for fear that I will have a negative consequence. I don’t like conflict, I can’t say no to anyone for the most part and I don’t assert myself the way I should. Instead. I don’t talk about anything. I just sit there and keep inside the emotions and thoughts I have until I can’t keep them in anymore.

I don’t want that for Punky.

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I want her to express herself. I want her to be able to feel mad or sad or happy and not feel ashamed about it. I want her to also be able to deal with those emotions without screaming and having an attitude about it. I’m sure its more complex that it needs to be for a two year old. I know I’m probably making it more difficult than it needs to be.

This is the problem with residual brainwashing from church where you blindly follow and obey whatever you are told and PTSD from the childhood of repressed feelings – it causes me to project my fears onto my kid. I hope that doesn’t damage her more. I work so hard not to be the same parent I had, making sure Punky feels heard and loved and important. I spent my energy making sure she’s a kid, that she enjoys life as a kid, doesn’t grow up too fast and has a childhood where more good memories are found than bad ones.

Is that more damaging to her? I don’t know. My working so hard to break the cycle and sometimes I’m afraid that I will be a different kind of parent that damages their kid.

I know the last few posts have been a bit deeper and depressing than usual. (if you missed the password protected post before this) I’m sorry for that. I’m just in a funk and I can’t really figure out why. But, going through this and having a disorder like this, makes me more and more concerned that I will break my kid.

Even though I know – its not the truth.

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I know this kid is a kid. She’s a happy kid. She’s an active, sweet, beautiful, smart little girl. And I just hope my insecurities don’t rub off on her. Instead, I hope she can learn to articulate her feelings and find healthy ways to deal with them and express herself.

End of 2014 Review

Miss Punky has changed so much in the last year! She’s talking up a storm and doing so much now.

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This year has been kinda crappy for me emotionally, I sure hope next year is better. We are playing the waiting game for my sister to have her fourth baby! She’s coming anytime now. Otherwise, we will be sipping sparkling white grape juice and sitting in on a Gilmore Girls marathon tonight. I have a bit of a migraine – so I am laying low in new pjs and watching our kid climb on everything and potty train.

Hope everyone has a great night, be safe and have a HAPPY 2015!

The Adventures of Christmas with a Two Year Old

Before I get to the Christmas Day activities, I forgot to post our Countdown activity on the 21st. We went and visited the Live Nativity. It was kinda cute. Miss Punky was having trouble saying Nativity. (Remember the wisemen she popped the heads off of) She kept saying “Bativity.” Finally Kim broke it down “Nu Tivity.” Punky says, “Nutivity? Oh! I like nuts!”

Of course, her atheist moms thought it was hilarious that she continued to call it a nutivity the entire time. I insisted we go to visit the nativity because its something we did as kids with my grandmother. It doesn’t hold the same significance now that I no longer believe in the story of Jesus, but I do want to keep some of my traditions from my childhood alive.

Believe me, there are a lot of childhood memories I work very hard to shield her from, but there are some, the fun memories that don’t involve my upbringing or my parents or alcohol or anything that may contribute to my PTSD, such as this live nativity activity that I cherish in the mixture of crazy in my kidhood. I want to keep that spirit alive in Punky’s Christmas experience.

We managed to make our way over to the people in the nativity, Mary, Joseph, and the Baby Jesus – just to see them. She did not pop anyone’s head off this time. But she did much prefer climbing on the gates to get at the animals than the plastic doll and the story she didn’t understand.

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So, on to Christmas Day.

Surprise, surprise, our kid is spoiled rotten. We have gotten through Christmas with minimal damage – involving only one tantrum/time-in combo, and an otherwise pretty very happy toddler.

Last night, we ended our Christmas Countdown with a gift on Christmas Eve which consisted of brand new PJs. We made a trail in the driveway with reindeer food so Santa’s reindeer knew how to get to our house. We spent the afternoon on NORAD Santa Tracker, following his progress. By the time the cookies were set out and we had a sip of Santa’s milk, we were in bed and Santa was headed out of Georgia!

Since the kid woke up at 3AM Christmas Eve, a day early, expecting Santa and too excited to sleep – she crashed long before bedtime yesterday – in fact before we made it to our first family function. She fell asleep on me while everyone was getting ready to leave and then again in the car on the way to the party.

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We did get some new, current pictures of us as a couple and a family. I really like how they turned out.

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We got home super passed her bedtime,so imagine, no matter how excited she was, with no real nap, other than sleeping in the car for a minute, she fell asleep the minute I shut her bedroom door, and then it was time to get to work on Santa Duty.

I had to pick up the Minnie Mouse bike from her godparents’ house. We had the toughest time finding a bike we could afford and get it in the Minnie Mouse style she wanted. So, we swapped out the neighbor’s kids’ bike and took Punky’s cousins bike from the garage, gave it to her godfather (fucking awesome guy who is wrapped around ALL her tiny fingers) and he painted it up all nice for her.

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I set up her burlap bag from Santa and her stocking in front of the tree and then hid the bike under a blanket in the back where she wouldn’t be looking or paying attention. Helped Grammy and Papa stuff the rest of the stockings and finished wrapping up some gifts for the rest of the family’s kids, then I went to bed. Of course, I was too excited to sleep. Not to mention that we live in the basement and she is at least two flights above me, so I was anxious all night, worried she would wake up and open all the presents, discover the bike and be riding it around the livingroom when I woke up!

As luck would have it, and as expected, she kept her pinky “I Promise” and stayed in bed until the sun woke up so that Santa could deliver is presents and the magic of Christmas would work – if she woke up, he would not be able to deliver the presents she was asking for.

So, when she got up, she was excited to pull open the first present she saw. We had to wrangle her a bit, but she was pretty awesome about opening this year. This is the first year she’s been as interactive and really knew what Christmas and Santa and presents meant to her.

The bike was a hit.

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We took it outside for a bit, with her baby Ellen (who Santa brought a new outfit) and tried to get the hang of the bike. She enjoyed it and then she got frustrated, because she would push the pedals back and put the breaks on and then not understand how to get the bike to go again. So, it will take some getting used to and some practice, but she got what she wanted and it comes with a helmet, knee/elbow pads, and bike gloves. All in MINNIE MOUSE. LOL.

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She wore her helmet and new bathrobe for most of the rest of the morning while she tore through box after box after bag after toy and movies and yet, she still came back to the bike. She did get a very special gift from Grammy this year. Which in her own words is “Very special to me.” Its a music box with a dancing ballerina, the old school kind. Our kid is kind of a tiny dancer and really wants to be a Doctor Ballerina when she grows up, so this was a pretty sweet present for her. Grammy got her into the ballet stuff and encourages her to dance and sing all the time, so this gift between the two of this, was just super heart warming.

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On that note, even though we live with her grandparents, I’m just so glad they were there for her to open her presents. When I was growing up, and I’ve been getting a little sentimental lately, my grandparents came over every Christmas morning and watched us open our presents from Santa and eat breakfast with us. It was one of my more favorite memories of Christmas. A lot of family stuff has happened in the last week and a half that have really put my childhood and my memories in the forefront of my mind. Not all good – but in this case, not all bad.

By the end of the day, she had gotten away with all sorts of stuff. New clothes from her bestie her Aunt Ashley. A new tablet from her Uncle and his wife, and lots and lots of toys from everyone else. The big thing was the accessories for her new dollhouse.

We had been batting around the idea of getting her a dollhouse from Santa, but she asked for a bike and that’s what she was getting. So, the dollhouse was going to be put on hold. HOWEVER, while we were all driving around the town checking out the light displays on houses, Grammy spotted a dollhouse on the side of the road. We stopped the car, I hopped out, grabbed it, and tucked it in the trunk.

When we got it home, we realized it needed lots of TLC, but it was going to be great for Punky, since she doesn’t know its someone else’s ‘trash’ and she didn’t know it was broken. She was supposed to get it for Christmas, but she found it in a closet and didn’t stop til Grammy cleaned it up and we found some toys to play in the house with it.

Now, as of Christmas Day opening, she has an additional dollhouse (the dogs’ house) and people, furniture, accessories, and puppies to go with it. She also has a mechanical hamster that has a rolling stage van parked behind her massive dollhouse.

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We have more Christmas to go to, but I just can’t thank people in our lives for the support and love our little girl has in her life. I am filled with some melancholy this season, due to the family stuff back home (my family lives 3 hours away) and someday, maybe I will blog about it. It really just involves addiction, neglect, and beating the violent cycle that is my childhood and relationship role models. So, I didn’t get to celebrate with my side of the family and that does make me sad.

But we called all those who we could call (those not in jail and such) and I sent a Christmas text to our ever so special donor to wish him a Merry Christmas. We don’t exchange messages often, but I like him to know we think of him on days like this – special times that we can share these days and spoil the crap out of the kid he helped us create and then took a backseat where most lesbian couples don’t get so lucky.

Anyway, my kid is set for a while. She’s for sure loved and filled with an overwhelming, overflowing support and family – more than any little girl could ask for and more than either of her moms could have expected for her to receive.

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I saw some of my TTC blogger friends got a nice Christmas BIG FAT POSITIVE, congratulations! As for those still trying, you know I’m rooting for you in 2015!

To all the readers out there, whoever you are, Happy Holiday you celebrate, however you celebrate it! May you be happy and loved in every sense of the word!